Dicipline Advice needed?

Question

How can I get an 18 month old to stop hitting my 1 year old son. I watch him in my home and he just started hitting and pushing and even grabbing him and throwing him to the ground. At first because of his age I took him aside and stared him in the eyes and said "No hitting" and that it hurts and its not acceptable. But I realized it wasnt working so I stared putting him on time out for 1 min. That doesnt seem to be working either. He thinks its funny. Because of his age I dont know what works. If you've experianced this with one of you children what did you do to make them stop? Its starting to drive me crazy because he does this almost all day long. And Im not sure about consistency in his home.

Answer 1

Humans learn by consequesnces, if it sucks we won't do it again. At his age, using the words helps him learn but it won't stop the behavior. If he hits, comfort the younger (lavishly). Leaving the attacker with no attention. After the younger has been hugged etc, turn to the attacker with what you have been doing, "No, no hitting!" looking him in the eyes. Pick him up and put him in your time out spot or naughty spot etc. Don't talk to him, don't look at him and don't give him any attention. He needs a little longer than a minute for it to suck enough so leave him there until he wants to leave. It has to be not fun or funny anymore. Then he must say I'm sorry, he may not be able to so help his hands make the sign for I'm sorry to the victim and then all is forgotten and happy again. You are doing it right, just do it a little longer, it won't take but a few times of time out really not being fun for him to not want to go back.

Answer 2

Have you tried calmly removing him from the situation. I know you mentioned you placed him in a time out but were you lecturing him at the same time? He is being stimulated by the response when he hits your child. Also, what is stimulating him to hit in the first place? Is it a toy? Is it your son's responses to this child? Try distracting the child with another toy or place him in another spot. Don't say a word to him.

Ask the parents about this child's behavior at home. Sometimes parents think it's cute and laugh. If this is the case, explain to the parents the situation during the day while you watch him. If it continues to be bothersome, then simply let the parents know you can no longer watch the child due to his behaviors.

Answer 3

At this age, it has almost nothing to do with what's going on at home or that he is "bad". 18 mo. olds have no impulse control and are also not able to understand the feelings of others. Their communication skills are not moving along as fast as their physical capabilities. Keep a close eye on him.........there is usually a trigger for the behavior....is he after a toy your son has? Is he really, really excited about something? Is it when he's getting tired? When he hits, pick him up and tell him firmly "no hitting"......take him away from where he was.......later, tell him "let's make nice" and show him a nice way to rub your son's arm.......give him lots of praise for that. It's just a phase....they get very physical between 18-24 mo. until their social skills and speech catch up. The best thing to do is watch for cues as to when he's going to do it and sort of head it off or distract him. My sister's son bites when he gets really excited...she was so upset because it's her first baby and she thought he was doing it to be mean....but I watched him one day....when the kids got really excited and were have a rowdy, happy time w/ a certain toy, he bit my daughter....he was just VERY excited...too much so. Now, when she sees he's getting overstimulated, she calms the situation down or moves him away...no more bites! Good Luck.

Answer 4

You need to have a talk with the parents. As a parent myself we all tend to think our kids are angels. If you have a video camera use this a s back up to show the parents. If the behavior doesn't change then I would tell the parent(s) that you are unable to have their child in your home. You have your child to think of first. This other child can cause your son to act in the same way. The first three years of a child's life is the most impressionable and when they learn a lot a behavior. I'm know I'm not wording this right. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Answer 5

I have two lil boys ages 6 and 3. Well the 3 yearold beats on the oldest one, and I have tried those things too. I've worked with kids for 6 years, and time out does work if you can stick to it and not have a weak bone, like I do. I HATE punishing my kids. If it doesn't work, then start taking things that he likes. Try that! According to DSS, you are only supposed to leave a child in time out for as long as however old they are. Of course we don't always listen to that, but that's just for future refferences! Good luck!

Answer 6

i say lock him in closet with the lights off and vacuum running for a few mins till you have his 'attention'.. then try logic again. lol ok ok jk thats extreme.

but he needs "More" incentive to not do it. i can only pick spanking. people will always do what they want to do until what they want to do costs too much, is too much work, is too far away, tastes bad, OR HURTS AND DOESN'T WANT TO FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN!!
i don't mean beat him down. but i'm so for the simple spanking that attaches the thing he doesn't want "sting of pain" with what he's not supposed to do.
then of course BE SURE TO IGNORE HIM WHEN HE CRIES AFTERWARD. let him sit and figure out that the pain was his to take and you won't give him sympathy that he's in it for a spanking. cuz then u were wrong to do it is what that says. increase the time outs as well. you have to restrict until it bothers him or he won't want to stop doin whatever because the punishment isn't enough. get it? he can ride out your time outs so far. so it doesn't stop him.

do something that makes him not want to do what he wanted (hit his brother) because it: hurts too much to do it again, it stops him from his toys too long, quiet time is unbearable, etc.

its the same as life. if the boss doesn't want you to leave early he for ex. deducts your pay... if u r rich or whatever and it doesn't bother u... u will still leave early!

then the boss writes you up and gives you a day off without pay or adds more work to you, or says you'll be fired etc.... it is then your decision again just like your 18month old to say wether he wants to 'leave early again' and suffer consequences, or COMPLY WITH THE DESIRED BEHAVIOR TO AVOID THOSE CONSEQUENSES.

Answer 7

When you put him in time out for a min. Do you start the time as soon as you place him there or once he settles down? Does he just sit there when placed and smile for the min?

Try taking away a priviledge, something he loves but you have control over whether he gets it or not.

Answer 8

It sounds like you are a babsitter for this child. I assume the child has seen this behavior from other's in his home. Either he's spanked or he's been around older friends/cousins that push him around.

Inform the mother immediately. Let her know this is not appropriate behavior in your home. And, if she doesn't correct this in her home there is no point in continuing the relationship.

Otherwise, no matter what you do in your home to correct the behavior...it will never stop...because he's allowed at home.

Answer 9

I've just recently broke my son of this habit. Everytime he hits just take his hand, put it down and say no hitting. Dont bother getting into an explanation because he will just look at you like : huh? Eventually he will stop but it may take awhile.

Answer 10

Sounds like you babysit and I would guess this behavior is allowed in his home. Talk to the mother immediately. She needs to know what is going on and tell her the behavior is not accepted in your home.