My maid of honor is my best friend. We have been best friends for 13 years and I know she has falts, like being kinda on the selfish side. She's always been like that though, I'm used to it. But I guess I thought that she would at least put her selfishness aside for my wedding. I have asked her, I don't know how many times, to go shopping with me for the wedding and to help me do other things for it. Well, she keeps turning me down. I've got her to do 2 things in the past year to help me. (We've had a long engagement) And it's not like I ask her all the time. I take turns asking the girls to help me and she's the only one to turn me down. I have really thought about telling her that if she can't be there for me and help me then I don't want her to be apart of my wedding. It's driving me crazy. I would do everything I could for her if it was her wedding. Why wont she help me? And would I be wrong for firing her from my wedding?
2007-03-06 07:33:03 · 17 answers · asked by warriorchic84 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
This is so tough. I would sit down with her and ask her how she feels about being a part of your big day. Maybe she is uninterested but doens't know how to tell you. I am sort of in the same boat except I am not the bride. I said yes to being in a wedding and am now having mixed emotions and am not sure what to do about it. I wish the bride would fire me or at least let us sit down and talk about things. Just try to be open and honest about how you feel and see how she feels. Good luck.
2007-03-06 07:39:36 · answer #1 · answered by Ambre B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You said it yourself--she's selfish. Selfish people don't think outside of what is best for them. Shopping for your wedding isn't good for her, so she doesn't want to do it.
I've had a lot of friends who have gotten married and of the ones who had absentee maids of honor, they regretted having that person as their MOH.
I don't know that you should cut her out of your wedding altogether; you may regret that in the end. You've been best friends for 13 years and unless you believe you guys won't be friends anymore after your wedding, you'll be really sad that she wasn't a part of it.
However, I do suggest "demoting" her. Do you have another bridesmaid that you are extremely close with? Has this other bridesmaid been there for you and done what you needed to make your wedding experience easier? If so, ask this other person to be your maid of honor.
Now, here's the tricky part. You need to sit down your friend and say to her that you don't feel that she's lived up to her MOH duties and that you're really upset about it. Tell her that you've asked this other friend to be your MOH, and it doesn't mean that you love her any less, but you know that she can't handle the responsibility, and you need someone who can. Tell her that you still want her to be a bridesmaid and that it's important that she's still there with you on your wedding day, but you just don't think that she's suited to the MOH role.
She may not take it well, but at least you've let her know that she's disappointed you and you've tried your best to fix the situation in a way that will hurt the least people and make the most people happy.
2007-03-06 10:33:45 · answer #2 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some really have a problem with my "F" word... I said "Fire" because they were in a position. A position that they could have easily turned down and saved all the drama for daytime. But no, they were asked to be "a part of" and they accepted and with accepting they acknowledged they had some responsibilities... like paying for their own dresses, being punctual when we have appointments together, "getting along" as adults and not as school children... who by the way, might have behaved better than my friends that I "fired"... from their roles as bride maids. They are still my very best friends.. very best friends one on one... and of course they will be invited to our wedding. I still want them there just as they are... as my friends. Nothing more.
I think it's perfectly okay to "fire" someone who isn't carrying their weight... especially if you have talked to her about how you feel and nothing changes. I tried to talk to my friends on many occasions about how their behavior towards each other affected me. They are all my friends for a reason and one reason needn't be the same for all of them. I had no idea that they'd be hostile toward each other. No idea at all. We'd done things together in the past with no problems... who knew a wedding would change their attitudes somehow?
2007-03-06 08:07:35 · answer #3 · answered by doormouse72 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she really can't be bothered with this wedding at all, maybe you should just ask her if she is sure she wants to be a part of the bridal party,(and get her finger out and actually help) or whether she would maybe prefer to be just a guest?
That way, she has an out, and so do you, but if she says she really wants to be a maid of honor, then you can say "well then, this is your list of stuff to do, get on with it!!"
Good luck - let us know how you go and happy wedding day
2007-03-06 07:40:24 · answer #4 · answered by essdee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this girl is obviously not your best friend. i'm getting married in 10 months and even though my "best friend/maid of honor" lives 2 hours away she is constantly calling me and telling me all the things she has planned from the bridal shower to the bacehlorette party to where we're getting our nails done the day before. she is definitely going the distance to help out on my day. i can't imagine someone who you consider a friend, denying you the help she should WANT to give. I can't imagine not helping a friend. but that may be the difference between me and you and your "selfish" friend, we think its an honor and a special thing to be a bridesmaid or maid of honor and they think its a chore.
kick her to the curb and ask someone who is as excited for your wedding as you are. it makes it so much easier and way more special to share all the planning and leading up to the big day with someone who is happy about it too!
2007-03-06 11:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by sKOoter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think she would understand that she does have duties as a Maid of Honor. At least you are asking her instead of making demands. Personally I think you have every right to be angry. Try telling her your concerns and see if there is a reason why she is turning you down. If no valid reason is given and nothing changes, then I think you would be justified in asking her to not be part of you wedding. People who are involved in your wedding are supposed to love and support you and help when they can, but she seems to be avoiding it all together. In my opinion, I would be like you; trying to help as much as I were able even if I wasn't the maid of honor.
I wish you the best of luck with everything... and congrats on your wedding!
2007-03-06 07:40:37 · answer #6 · answered by Green-eyed Nikki 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't really 'fire' or 'uninvite' her from being part of the wedding- after all she is your best friend. Although you could talk to her and ask if she feels like she should be in the MOH position. If you knew she was like that then you shouldn't have expected her to change without talking to her. Tell her how you feel about skipping out on you. She might be really busy or stressed or just not feel like she should be MOH. If all else fails just let her stand up there and let the other girls help you.
Good Luck God Bless
2007-03-06 09:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let her know one last time exactly what it is you're feeling. Tell her that you need her help and if she can't help you then you'll have to find someone else who can and that might affect her position in line at the wedding. Tell her you're not giving her an ultimatum or anything, just letting her know what's going on in your mind. Let her know that you still want to be friends but you do need some help during this time! Good luck, if she doesn't understand then I think it would be best for you to go about you business and do what you have to do to get some help!
2007-03-06 07:40:39 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would explain to her that being in the wedding party is an honor (no less, the maid of honor!) and of all people you chose HER to be your right hand gal for it. Explain your feelings are hurt that she hasn't taken more of an interest and that there are plenty of other people you love who'd be more honored to assume her roles. If she doesn't take a step back from herself for a second, then you need to find someone who will support you better! It's your day, and you don't want anyone ruining that for you!
2007-03-06 08:31:44 · answer #9 · answered by should be working 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not at all. it doesnt sound like your asking too much of her or dictating orders to her so there is no reason why being your best friend and maid of honor that she cant help you. I would tell her straight up you asked her because you wanted someone who would be there for you and want to celebrate with you. if she cant do that then having her there on your wedding day wont make you feel or feel like a support system for you. my maid of honor helped me with alot of things. i went dress shopping myself as I wanted to do it alone, but we went shopping for her dress together and picked out accessories we both liked, got our hair done together, made the cd's for the reception together and she helped me get dressed and get my neckless and jewellery on and everything. you need someone who can do these things for you. if this girl cant be happy for you and help you then she is no friend no bother maid of honor material.
2007-03-06 07:44:18 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋