I run a daycare out of my home and I am having issues with one of the parents lack of interest in potty training their child. Their child is 4 and doesn't even know how to use the potty. His mother baby's him so badly. She is unconcerned for what this may do to him in the future and frankly I am tired of changing a 4 year olds diaper. She also expects me to pick him up as if he is a 2 year old to walk her out the door. It's getting in the way of my other children's independence when they see me do this. I feel he is too old for me to treat him this way and the other kids don't understand why he gets special treatment when his mother is around. I know I should confront her on this, but how? I hate confrontations, so I don't know how to go about this. I have had him since Sept. I feel like it's too late. How can approach this without losing my job and offending her? Any advice is welcome!
2007-03-06 06:06:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I appreciate all your reponses. Thank you so much for your advice. These gave me some great ideas on how to approach her. If you want to give me more advice, please feel free to state your opinions. Thanks again all!!!!
2007-03-06 06:45:10 · update #1
that is a toughie - how 'bout try asking her to meet with you to discuss some concerns you are having about his progress, and what things you can do in conjunction with each other to get him up to speed with the others? Trying to make her feel like part of the solution to his problems might come off better than pointing out that she's the problem, and encourage her to work with you on it. If she doesn't want to, then I doubt you can avoid a confrontation, you'll have to tell her that for the sake of the other children in the group, she'll have to find a different caregiver for her son.
It won't be easy, (I hate confrontation too), but if it isn't dealt with, you'll begin to see regression and behavioural problems with your other charges too, then you'll really be stressed!
Good luck!
2007-03-06 06:14:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you have any superiors, I'd talk to them about it so the fear of losing your job isn't a possibility. I work at a daycare and it's a real pain to have to deal with over indulged children. I would set her aside...maybe ask her to stay late or come early...or maybe even phone so she doesn't feel attacked. Use a polite non threatening tone and make sure you don't say anything that makes her feel like you are doubting her mothering skills. Tell her that you have new rules about potty training and that it would make your job easier if they child was more independent. Or you could fib a bit and tell her how you noticed the child's curiosity about the other children and their potty habits and suggest that it means that the child is interested in learning. As for the carrying him...start setting new rules for everyone (even though they are targeted at her), tell them that you want to teach the children age appropriate independence skills and have them walk themselves out with their parents and other little tasks.
2007-03-06 14:21:17 · answer #2 · answered by sweet200318 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My daughter-in-law had a daycare a few years back. She had to make sure she developed rules, one of which stated she would not be responsible for changing diapers on any child who is of 'potty training' age. She was, also, not responsible for the potty training. This was in her rules and the parent(s) had to read everything, agree to everything and then sign it before the very first day of daycare. Children, in diapers, were a different story; if the parent failed to bring supplies - she charged for each diaper, each powder/ointment application and for each meal.
If you failed to generate rules - then you're sort of 'up the creek without a paddle'. If this is your only daycare child - then this will be a difficult situation. You MUST demand the mother get the kid trained or else......................
2007-03-06 14:45:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should potty train the child yourself.
It is quite common for a child to behave one way at home and then an entirely different way at daycare. So what if he wears diapers at home? He can get to daycare and have the diaper come off as soon as mom leaves.
Make up excuses for why you aren’t carrying him. Have one of the other older children create a distraction at pick up time where you aren’t available to do this. Claim an injury that doesn’t allow you to lift more than 20 lbs. Do this more and more frequently until she just gets used to the kids walking out on his own.
Or just tell her flat out – I’m not carrying your son anymore. I have to treat all the children fairly and carrying baby-big-boy is disruptive.
Will it really be that hard to find another kid to replace this one if she decides that she doesn’t want to take her kids to you anymore?
2007-03-06 14:21:33 · answer #4 · answered by babypocket2005 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I feel for you, i know a child like this in the daycare i work in. Hes 3, not potty training either and his mum hands him over for me to lift him out of her arms in the morning when the child could simply walk like everyone else. She hangs around for ages thinking this child is going to burst into tears when hes fine and says "bye baby" to him. I think its because she doesnt want him to grow up or else shes very insane. Defo talk to her about the potty training, tell her he will be starting school soon and frankly hes more than ready to start going to the toliet!!!!
2007-03-06 15:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's your house, your day care, and your rules. The only part of your job you will be losing is this one kid, and as many kids out there needing day care, you should be able to fill the slot in no time.
I'm sure she is just trying to keep her child "small" for as long as she can, but she's doing him a terrible injustice by not letting him grow up. This will come back to bite her in the proverbial *** one of these days, but you probably won't be able to make her see that now.
Approach her nicely and just tell her that by the time a kid is 2 or 3 they NEED to be potty trained. But basically, this is HER problem, not yours.
2007-03-06 14:26:15 · answer #6 · answered by kj 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You tell her exactly the way you just told it to us here. Then you also tell her that if you are not going to get any cooperation from her on this that she will have to find another daycare. Most daycares I know of don't put up with this kind of stuff - lack of interest by the parents, I mean. You might also let her know that next year, when he goes to kindergarten, teachers won't be changing diapers or clothes, they will be calling her to leave work and come EVERY single time. They can't leave class all the time for one kid like this, and they don't.
2007-03-06 14:18:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
i would tell her that "i have other children who need my attention also and that if she does help with she potty training you are going to have to till them no to come back because you can handling change a 4 yr old dapier, when they should be potty trained already"
2007-03-06 14:28:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ask her kindly if there is a medical reason he is not potty trained. Explain to her that you are concerned about her child, instead of insulting her way of parenting.
2007-03-06 14:15:38 · answer #9 · answered by say_tay 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are going to have to deal with it now - or you will lose them as a client. You will begin to resent his presence there, and it will reflect.
You need to tell the mother how you feel, and maybe offer to "help" with getting potty training started.
Also, with him being carried, maybe that you just need to "fake" a back injury, say that you can no longer carry more than X pounds....
2007-03-06 14:11:56 · answer #10 · answered by Halo Rayn 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋