Should I forgive my sisters for not visiting my father on his deathbed?

Question

they had been estranged for years over very stupid arguments, truly nothing major happened. wouldn't any normal person come to make peace before their father passes away? I know I will never speak to them again -- they are dead to me. Just looking to see how others would handle this

Answer 1

That's pretty sad to me also. But you know, they are the ones who have to live with it. Don't let it bother your life, it has nothing to do with you. You did what you felt was right, that's all what matters. As for talking to your sisters, that is all up to you. Don't ever say never I guess. We never know what the future holds for us. You sound like a good person, your father was thank-ful to have you as a daughter. You remember, what goes around, always comes back around!

Answer 2

I too have said goodbye to a parent before they had died and I will not visit their deathbed... That is a very personal choice and not one that is always made out of anger. there can be lots of other reasons. Sometimes there is hidden pain involved, or circumstances you can't even imagine. Sometimes people don't really know why they do things the way they do, but I believe it should be a persons right to choose. So why not forgive her? Maybe the question had better be: Should I hate my sister for not visiting father on his deathbed? The answer is no. So please do forgive her.

Answer 3

It is not for you to judge them or forgive them. Your father is in heaven (I hope) and God is the one they will have to answer to. Don't make the same mistake they did by continuing a feud that most of you probably can't remember what started it or realize it is so trivial it is not worth the trouble. Your sisters are the ones who have to live with the fact that they weren't there for your father at the end and some day they will be very sad about this and regret their decision. Put the past in the past and move forward, start by calling your sisters and getting together for lunch. Good luck to you all and God Bless.

Answer 4

My first question is what did you have to do with their issues with their father?

It sounds like you took sides and yet you say that the arguments were stupid. If you think they were stupid, then you should not have taken sides. You are giving up your relationship to your sisters for the same stupid reasons.

Perhaps you should stop judging them, because you are actually making the biggest mistake in your family. They at least have a reason to justify not showing up at their father's deathbed. You have no reason for not showing up at their deathbeds. Whatever their arguments were with their father, they are not your arguments.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 5

Honey, sorry to hear of your loss and the "normal" things that can happen at any funeral. I would find out the whole story before "never speak again." Ok, here is a truth
On my husband's side of the family when someone dies they have someone arrested. Plain and simple. I think it began with a cousin and two other siblings. He went to the hearing and was able to nip it in the bud with the sibling. He was also able to administer the will and honestly carried it out without to much hurt.
My husband was able to attend the funeral of his father but he never cared for his mother and when she died several years ago being we did not want arrested for anything, we ignored the whole situation. They even stole his inheritance!
Now short of the above, I would try to keep some semblance of peace and maturity.

Answer 6

Why would you think they would come running to his side after being estranged for years? They made their choice and now they have to live with it themselves. It isn't your place to punish them for that choice. You are their sister, not their mother. And if you take the attitude of, "I will never speak to them again", aren't you in reality behaving the same way they did to your father? Wouldn't you be the bigger person to end that hostility? Call them up and say, "ya know, it hurt me that you didn't come see our father before he died but you made your decision and that is between you and dad. I don't want there to be ugliness between us so in honor of our father I am extending the olive branch and telling you I love you and need you as my sister." You don't have to be bosom buddies and hold hands and sing happy songs-just be pleasant and forgiving and move on with life!

Answer 7

I don't think the forgiveness is yours to give in this case. The onus for not visiting your father on his deathbed falls onto your sisters, and it's between them and your/their father.

And the more you hold the "forgiveness" over your sisters' heads, the more it will keep you from moving forward with your own life. But in any case, just say out loud to yourself, "I forgive my sisters for what they did." Then move on. Rise above it.

Answer 8

Your mind seems to be made up at this point but, I have been in a similar situation with family members and I find that it is a waste of energy to cut people off and stop speaking to them. In the end your sisters will have to deal with not being there at the time of your father's death. They will have to live with this for the rest of their lives and you disowning them will not change anything. At least you were there for him, that is all that matters.

Answer 9

My sister and my father do NOT speak to eachother at all.It's been like that for 12 years, sad but nothing I can do. My dad is alive still but if he was to die and my sister didn't go see him I don't think I can hate her or be mad at her for it.
It is HER choice, it is HER beef, it is HER loss. Me personally would be more in peace to know that I was there for my dad, my mind and soul would be at peace with myself and with him, so why ruin that by thinking about my sister not being there or trying to make my sister feel bad because of her actions?
It won't bring my dad back, so why carry that anger with you? is really not worth it.
I'd say just cherrish your dad's life because you did share moments with him and YES you were there when he passed away, that's YOUR memory, not your sister's.

Good luck

:-)

Answer 10

I'm not sure if you are being fair to them since you are now doing the same thing. I can't imagine not forgiving someone, especially if I knew I was running out of time. Maybe you should talk to them some more and see if there was more to this separation than you know. Try to understand their side and allow yourself to forgive them. I wish you all the best.

May God Bless you.