Some say im going to be a bad parent?

Question

Am I'm scared. I am having my frist child which is due Oct of 2007. With my job I get six weeks off paid leave from the day my baby is born. Then I have to return to work. My boyfriend/father of my baby is in the miltary and he gets about 30 days leave a year. He is going to save his leave up to help take care of the baby with me starting the day we can take the baby home so he will get 30 days with me and the baby... because he knows its going to be very rough in the beginning and does not want to leave us home alone. Anywho....After the six weeks I plan on putting my child in day care. Me myself cant afford to take unpaid time off or to loose my job especially with a new baby and my boyfriend is military he cant just take off..both of our jobs are very critical to give our baby what he or she needs. does this make me a bad person to send my child to day care so early my friends and family say it is? Is there anyone else that sent there baby to day care or am I alone? =(

Answer 1

Lots of people send their babies to day care this young. Lots of men beat their wives. Lots of flies eat excrement. That's hardly a way to decide what to do.

Did you know that infants' brains only form connections between brain cells when a baby is being held. Do you know how often babies are held in day care? Not much.
Did you know that having more than one primary caregiver in the first few years of life increases the liklihood that your child will be a sociopath! As well as depressed and anxious?

Here's what you need to know about what's critical for what a baby needs. A baby needs breastmilk on demand for at least two years. A baby needs his/her mommy in order to develop well emotionally, intellectually, socially, and physically. The NICHD has been studying day care use for decades and the results are undeniable, and replicated over and over again in many countries with tens of thousands of kids.

What do they know?

That babies who spend more than 10 hours a week apart from mommy in the first year of life have attachment problems. This is a severe and serious problem that will haunt your child and cause problems for society.

Also, your husband will approve of his child less, studies show, if your child enters care this young. You will be less attached (obviously, if you can walk away from your infant, you have to grow less attached or lose your mind from grief), and your child will be less attached.

He will have social problems, he will do less well in school, he will be far more likely to have health problems, including surgeries.

We are primates. Look at all the other primates in the world - they never ever even put their infants down. Seriously. This is how we evolved, this is what our infants need.

There is nothing, not one thing you can give your child that is as important as time with her mother. The damage from day care is also serious after the first year, but that much separation is the first year is like a death knell to your child's ability to trust. All he wants is you - and all day long in day care he will get the message - mommy doesn't care what i want, mommy doesn't come when i call.

How could you even consider torturing a child like that? Because you don't have one yet and because society says - go for it. Well, far better for you to give that baby up for adoption to people who can actually raise it than to subject it to the horror of virtual abandonment by mom.

Answer 2

Don't you dare listen to anyone give you advice about your parenting skills, especially since you haven't even had a shot at it yet. In this day and age, it's almost impossible to be able to stay at home and take care of your children. Most people can't survive on one income. There are many working moms out there who have had to go back to work earlier than the 6 weeks they were offered to take. The only way leaving your baby in a daycare will make you a bad person is if you didn't do your research first about the place. Your instincts will kick in when that baby is born and you will determine how to keep your child safe. No one else can make that decision for you. I would mention to your family that you are more than capable of making the proper choice for the well being of your baby. If they would like to help with babysitting, that would be more than welcomed. Thank you, congratulations, and good luck.

Answer 3

No you would not be a bad parent. It is a part of life when it comes to finances. Nobody is going to love your baby more than you are! I have attached a website with so much information about maternity leave. You actually have more than the six weeks. You just have to educate yourself (which you can do so from the link i have attatched). I symphathize with you and that you want to spend as much time as you can with your baby. If you are considering breast feeding, you can get even more time off (with pay). While you are off work, you may want to look into some fincancial programs to help offset the childcare expenses. If you fall under a particular catagorey, childcare may be for free or a limited out of pocket expense. I don't know what state you are in or i wold provide you with some links. You can do a google search for "childcare financial assistance" in your state. It sounds like you would quality. I would start looking now so you can begin the paperwork if you qualify.

Of course if you could stay home, i'm sure you would, but if finances are a problem, use the resources avaialble to you. Good look on you new baby and hope this helps.

In closing, I do think you are going to be a great parent because you care enough to seek out some support of your guilt. Love that baby because they grow VERY fast.

Answer 4

I run a daycare and I've seen a few mothers bring in their tiny little 6 week old babies and leave in tears--they had no choice but to work. It certainly doesn't make you a bad person. I would like to make 1 suggestion--since the baby will be born in Oct. and go into daycare around Dec. if at all possible consider a private sitter or a close family member to watch the baby until flu season passes if that is at all possible.

Answer 5

i sent my daughter to daycare when she was six months old. i was a high school student and worked on the weekends and she was with a baby sitter. i had no problem with her in daycare and no one said anyting to me. i could not afford not to graduate. its had being a single parent and sounds like the father of your baby wont be around much after he goes back to the military, trust me when i say it will be like a break going to work and having someone else take care of your baby. lol. my daughter is fine and she is still in daycare she loves it and gets interaction with other childern. she has also learned how to share because she is an only child she does not have to share her toys.
if i were you, i would put the baby in daycare and dont let your friends/family give you a hard time about it. you have to do whats best for your own family.

Answer 6

Well, first, I am sorry that people are calling you a bad mother.

Many many many people have their babies in daycare....even MARRIED, RESPONSIBLE couples.

I would recommend getting married,

harnessing the help of both your and his parents, if they are trustworthy and responsible.

Go with your GUT instinct when it comes to daycare. If you don't feel right about the caregiver, you are probably right. Interview TONS of daycare providers.

Also, I personally found that having a regular grandma-type babysitter is much better than a registered daycare facility.

Find a mature yet energetic woman who has kids of her own and grandchildren and expresses not only interest in your child, but also expresses a LOVE for babies and all kids. You will know.

Also, talk to your friends, and ask every woman you meet/know if they can recommend a GOOD babysitter.

Go by word of mouth...don't go by the list that the children's services gives you. They aren't allowed to tell you anything negative about any of them. (This happened in my case)\

Good luck. You will be fine, but start looking NOW for a babysitter. Don't wait until you give birth. It is too much work after having a baby, and you will end up in a bad daycare because you were desperate at the last moment.

Answer 7

I had to send 3 of my children to daycare at an earlier age than 6 weeks! mine were 4 weeks.
If you can't afford to stay home, you can't. Don't allow others to dictate your life and make you feel like a terrible person for trying to provide the best possible life for your baby.
Something you could check into: a leave of absense.
By law a mother can take up to 24 weeks a year for Family leave act.
You could check into unemployment benefits while you are out on maternity leave? Maybe your work would do a "temporary lay off" with a return date for you?... That way you could claim unemployment benefits and have that small weekly check to help with bills so you could stay home a little longer with your wee one

Answer 8

YOU ARE NOT BEING A BAD PARENT. Many people have put their kids in day care early like that..many have not choice such as your situation. You would do differently if you could, but thats that. Children are fine in day care, just do a lot of investigating and be involved..know who your giving your child too during the day..but no , having to work to survive is not being a bad parent. Shame on whoever is saying such things to you. Good luck honey and congrats on the baby..

Answer 9

I do not think you bad parents unless you do not give them food or clothing to wear...

But you should have your parents or your in-laws or friend who have kids and is stay at home mom and have them baby sit for you so you do not have to put the baby in day care... and you save money on it and that way... But every parents is different.. But you should bond with your baby.....or you can always hire a really good nanny...

Answer 10

if you have no other choice sending your baby to a daycare does not make you a bad parent..... thats what daycare is for.... since all your family members are criticizing you why don't they volunteer to take care of the baby while you are working... don't worry about what others are saying about you i am sure that once the baby arrives you will be a great mommy