i am expecting my first child my may, and this will be the first grandchild for both of our parents. the thing is, my family is very wealthy and my husbands family isn't, (my husband and i are well off too) i have been saving so that i can buy all lovely new nursery equipment and clothes for my baby and my mother has brought us stuff to, but i overheard someone say that my mother-in-law won't buy anything because 'whatever she buys won't be good enough!' im not a snob and have never acted ungrateful towards anything that she has brought me, but im so angry that she thinks this of me! ive tried to get my husband to talk to her, but he just tells me not to worry!
2007-03-06 04:24:58 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk to your MIL yourself and let her know that anything she chooses to get for your baby will be accepted and cherished. It's the thought that counts, not the price.
2007-03-06 04:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She probably doesn't mean it the way you think.
More than likely she feels conscious of the fact that she can't afford to give you anything expensive like the other Grandparents can. Try to make it up to her by involving her in everything. Make her feel that her opinion matters when it comes to the type of cot, colour schemes for the nursery etc.Once the baby arrives it will once more become a level playing field provided you allow both sets of Grandparents the same visitation rights as one another. Do not play favourites.
2007-03-06 09:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by monkeyface 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds as though she feels insecure, She is obviously aware that she cant give as much as you or your parents. Instead of making a big thing out of it think of something she could make for you for the baby that will give her a feeling of being involved. IE :- If she can knit ask if she could knit a pram blanket (You could provide the wool for it) as you" know how good she is at that." or if she can do cross stitch ask her if she could make a sampler for the baby's room.
These are things that don't cost a lot but if you put the emphasis on how good she is at what she does and how much you would appreciate it she will feel a lot better about herself and her ability to be of help to you. She just needs her self esteem built up a bit. We all feel insecure at times and as a grandma she probably feels guilty that she cant do as much for her grandchild as she would like to . She also probably feels that she may be overlooked because of this, in favour of your own parents.
A kind word now will make such a difference to her and to your own life. We all need our mothers-in-law on our side.
2007-03-06 09:01:04 · answer #3 · answered by bluegirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. The fact that you are so angry makes me wonder if you, without realizing it, are doing something to make her feel that way. You have to realize that all parents (that love their children) want to give the things in life that they never had. It hurts them when they want to do something for their kids and grandkids but do not have the means to do it. Don't get mad and don't start a confrontation during a time that should be one of the happiest moments of your lives. In this case, I would recommend that you take your husband's advise to not worry and take care of yourself and the child you are carrying. There will always be a level of jealousy between the in-laws because your parents have the means to do things that your husband's parents would love to do but can't. Just tell your mother-in-law that her love for your child is the greatest gift that she can give her.
2007-03-06 04:42:31 · answer #4 · answered by John B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not be angry with her she feels embarrassed that she cannot compete with your parents, she should not have said that behind your back, have a word with her and tell her that all a child needs is love and she has plenty of that to give your child. A grandchild is the greatest thing that you can give to both of your parents and you do not need money for him/her to be cared for. Babysitting is free and the odd ironing/cleaning can be done to help out in the first few months. Good luck
2007-03-06 23:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might just feel intimidated over you & your family being wealthy. She may not have meant what she said in that tone, you did get it second hand. I would talk to her myself and ease her worries, you really shouldn't be angry with her, you should feel a little guilty she feels that way. Just let herknow whatever she buys for the baby will be great, and if there is something you need tell her and she can get that.
2007-03-06 04:36:00 · answer #6 · answered by Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should not be angry. It is not that she thinks this of you but of herself. Every grandparent wants to be special and she is feeling inferior.
Perhaps you should invite her over to "assist" you in planning the nursery and mention some things that you would like to have or need for the baby. Things that you know that she can afford. If she suggests something and you know she can afford it respond by saying gee, I haven't thought of that, but I would love to have it.
This is a sensitive issue however, getting your feelings hurt is not the way to handle it. There is no need to get your husband to talk to her this is something that with a little thought and sensitivity you can handle it.
2007-03-06 04:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by joanne_happygirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family can say hurtful things sometimes and its great your family is wealthy just ignore her and raise your child and tell your husband long as he provides for his child no matter how much the family gives he will always know in his heart he is doing what has to be done for his family.
2007-03-06 04:37:52 · answer #8 · answered by 504 BOY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not be angry about this, sounds like you have a short fuse after all- you've never been in her financial predicament, so now before the baby comes; is the best time to learn about understanding and consideration. Tell her personally, woman to woman; you would like anything she chooses, because it is from the baby's grandmother. Don't drag your husband into this.
2007-03-06 04:37:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost, congrats on having a baby!
Apparently, your M-I-L sees you differently. Your parents are gracious and helpful. You scrimped and saved. Your M-I-L probably had to use "used" furniture for her children.
She sees you as getting things "on a silver platter". You need to talk to her. Make her a part of this wonderful, growing family. Ask her for her help in decorating the baby's room.
Your money or wealth is what is making her this way. Assure her, that this is not true.
Your husband needs to talk to her. For him to tell you not to worry, tells me to worry. Why doesn't he want to talk to her? Is there something there that you are not aware of? Sit down with him and find out the truth.
2007-03-06 04:37:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law may feel uncomfortable with the fact that she does not have the same amount of money as your mum or yourself, find out if she has a something belong to your husband when he was small that she could pass on to your child, l,et her know that you think that would be really sweet, put yourself in her shoes, she wants to feel part of everything as well
2007-03-06 08:48:15 · answer #11 · answered by Mage H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋