How do you combine 2 separate Cultures into 1 Wedding?!?

Question

just proposed she said YES!

Now the hard part... I am 1/2 Black 1/2 Mexican she is Chinese... her parent were very hard on me at first and didn't approve, now they act nice, but I haven't forgotten how they were before.

But now they want to have a traditional Chinese wedding, I don't agree with that because my My fiance is becoming a White, and I don't want them to have all the say because what they did in the beginning was wrong and they need to know that when we have children that they will be diverse... plus my family wont like the Chinese wedding I want a comedian there I want a Marachi there... ect... But we're having the Tea ceremony for sure..

Also how do we pay for it... I was always taught that the bride's family pays for everything the grooms family pays for the honeymoon... Is that right?

Sorry.... She's becoming a white... My last name is White... "Coach White"

Our kids are gonna be Black, Mexican, Chinese and have a last name White... That shows how far America has come...lol...

Things that keep coming up... I come from a single parent Family just my mom and I am the oldest of 4, our family has no $... I got a college athletic scholarship and am now a HS History teacher and try to help my mom and brothers out as much as I can...

She on the other hand is from a family that has 3 daughters her parents came here to America and owned their own business, and they are very well off... Putting $20,000 down on Mercedes cars, going to casino's every weekend... ect...

Answer 1

Good for you!

You are an assertive individual!

You do not have to follow tradtion!

Read on though for ideas.

Well I won't win Best Answer for this but I will give you my honest opinion.

You have a bigger issue. You need to decide: How much (if at all) will I "make nice" with her family so that future kids and parties etc will have them participating and happy? You have to make a decision. Take a stand. Once taken, stick with it. Because this will come up over and over.

I guess what I'm really asking is:

Why does it have to be either or?

I mean you can be an integrated multicultural family (I was) BUT still pay some tribute to what the parents like (if you want, you don't have to, but you can.)

CONCRETE IDEAS:
Let me tell you what my Chinese girlfriend did. They had a Chinese wedding and her parents paid. And afterwards we all drove two miles to a bnaquet hall dome very Western style: music, games, cake, mariachi (really) and then everybody was happy.

THEN when you raise your kids do what you want.

Who pays for what is really what you all CAN and WANT to do. Do NOT get hung up on "shouldas".

Congratulations!!

Answer 2

The bride's family pays for the wedding, the grooms family helps pay for the reception, it's up to the couple to pay for the honeymoon. As far as mixing cultures, do what feels right. Maybe have the tea ceremony, and then the mariachi band afterwards. Don't hold onto resentment about your in-laws, they are only trying to make sure their daughter is going to be happy. Keep an open mind and remember the wedding is about you and your future wife. The two of you are the ones that need to settle on how it's going to be handled and the parents need to support that, not argue for their own way.

Answer 3

Well the tradition is the brides parents pay for everything except the honeymoon and rehearsal dinner..

but nowadays everything is different.

my grandparents are paying for my ceremony/reception and my dad may chip in for flower but otherwise my fiance and I are paying for everything including the honeymoon except for the rehearsal dinner which his parents are paying for..

so see you may end up paying for it all if her parents dont approve..

This is what I can suggest:

THIS IS YOUR WEDDING..YOU ONLY GET IT ONCE...YOU AND YOUR FIANCE DO IT LIKE YOU WANT IT...YOU BOTH ARE THE SPECIAL PEOPLE AND IF YOUR NOT HAPPY THAT DAY NO ONE IS.

Now what does your fiance say about what she wants to inherit into your wedding day.?

You say your having the tea ceremony which is a Chinese culture?

So if you do that then do more of your culture for your reception...Receptions should be a time for celebrating and having fun no matter what your beliefs are so do your comedian and the Marachi and if she wants to incorporate some music she can...you can have all kinds of different cuisine...like do a around the world since you really have 4 cultures...

African
Spanish
Chinese
American

You guys pick and do what makes you happy if they dont approve you may have to pay yourselfs but please don't compromise both of your beliefs and what you want for this day.

Answer 4

Okay here's the thing: I know that everybody says that either one of two things:
(1) It's YOUR day screw what everybody else says or
(2) yeah, it's YOUR wedding but everyone knows that the wedding is for EVERYONE ELSE. LOL

I think that you should consider both families, but in the end, you do have to do what makes you and your future bride happy. You two will be the ones stuck looking at pictures of an event that pissed you off if you don't do it the way that YOU want to.

I totally know how you feel....I am half Black, half Puerto Rican and my boyfriend is Mexican. Thank God I am Catholic or otherwise that would have been a MAJOR issue LOL!

I think you and your fiancee should write down what you BOTH feel are important traditions/wedding traditions. Then compare notes and see exactly how they fit into your wedding plans (i.e. can you do those ceremonies in a church or do you have to do them in a reception hall? etc.) As far as money goes, these days NO the bride's family does NOT pay for everything. However, be aware that if anyone in your family (or hers) does pay for a large portion of the wedding, they are totally going to want to have THEIR say in what is done/not done in the wedding.... :-(
A good thing about that though, since you are 1/2 Mexican....you can start signing up padrinos for the wedding....that way you have people on your side to help pay for portions of the wedding (the lazos, the invitations, etc.etc.)

You have to put your foot down now with your fiancee's family...but you have to do it WITH your fiancee and do it gently but firmly. If you don't do it now, the next issue will be the children's religion, discipline, etc. etc. The issues will be neverending! But don't hold her parents' past behavior against them. Start off with a clean slate now, and things will be easier. Good luck and congratulations on your fiancee saying YES!!

Answer 5

wow,that is tough!

I would talk to the Bride's parents and your parents and find out what is the most important aspect of the wedding is to each of them. Then, try to incorporate that into your own very special ceremony.

Or you could have two ceremonies. The Traditional Chinese one, and then the one you and your Bride(and your parent's) choose.
Then get together for the ceremony afterwards.

As for payment- this is 2007! Wake up! Bride, groom, and parents should be contributing. If you have the bride's parent pay for everything.... enjoy the traditional Chinese ceremony, forget about the comedian, and shut your mouth. Not your Money.

Want a say in everything- you are going to have to assist in paying.


Good Luck!

Answer 6

I'm getting married in the fall - combining both Danish and Canadian traditions. One trick is to not have the wedding too formal so you are able to be more flexible - otherwise you're bound by tradition. That said, keep in mind that you are marrying into a culture where "tradition" is extremely important. MUCH more important than typical North Americans value any of our traditions. Your finance's family has already taken a huge leap mentally and emotionally by supporting their daughter's relationship/marriage with you. Do not hold a grudge against them for being wary of you in the beginning - be pleased that you're character, values, and personality convinced them that you were worthy of their daughter and truly loved her. Their endorcing your marriage is a HUGE statement of acceptance. So.... it's time to acknowledge this. Recognize the leap of faith that her parents are making and talk to them about it.

My oldest son is currently teaching in Japan and plans on marrying a Japanese girl. Her parents are against this relationship so they are now carrying on in secret and making plans to marry in secret!!! Akiko has explained that to disobey her parents would bring dishonour on her whole family. I disagree with the way my son and Akiko are handling this - partly because I see that somewhere down the road Akiko will be forced to chose between my son and her family. No matter what she decides, people will be hurt - and she will be hurt with either decision.

My suggestion is that you embrace the cultural diversity of both of your backgrounds: ie: Have a formal Chinese ceremony and then have the reception focus on aspects of your cultural heritage. Let your guests know in the invitations that this will be a wonderful celebration of both your cultures. As far as cost, today most couples pay for their own weddings, or at least a significant portion of it.

In the meantime, I think it's important that you contact your local multi-cultural centre, or even just do some research on the internet, to learn more about the culture you're marrying into. Celebrate the differences and embrace the things you have in common. Have fun!

Answer 7

LOL Good one on the "white".

Re. the wedding - one thing to remember, you can't please EVERYONE. If you try, you will fail, and someone somewhere will not be happy with you. Please yourselves first, your parents next, then your siblings and extended family, then everyone else. If things are to go smoothly, no one can be dead-set on any one thing, you guys will all have to compromise. Traditionally, yes, the bride's family pays for the wedding - however, nowadays it is really up to the families. Your fiancé should approach her family, and work things out with them. If they are so dead-set on the traditional ceremony that they will not consider contributing to anything BUT this - well, this is what you have to work with. Have it their way, or find ways to pay for your own wedding the way you envision it. I'm sure, as parents, they will want their daughter to be happy, with or without the traditional ceremony; have her talk to them, and come up with some ways to incorporate the traditional elements with the mariachi and anything else you might come up with. They may have some good suggestions. Congrats and good luck.

Answer 8

You and your bride to be need to decide whether you two are giving the wedding (be prepared to have to pay unless they offer to help with paying for your wedding on your terms, which isn't likely), or you want her parents to give it, in which case, what they say goes.

If you go the first route, you can keep it inexpensive, and you can take what both of you like from each culture, and combine it.

Don't have it at a meal time, and offer nibblies rather than a meal; keep it small; use a place you don't have to rent, such as a parent's or friend's home, or one of your own homes, or a park.

Informal is perfectly acceptable. What's special about it is that you are getting married. It needn't rival a royal wedding.

But, as I suggest, this isn't solely YOUR decision -- she may well have ideas of her own. Ignore them at your peril.

I'd rethink holding on to your resentment of their original treatment of you. If they accept you now, why ruin it?

Good relations are better than bitterness, for everyone concerned -- you, your bride, all of your family members, and, especially, those children you're going to have.

I'm sure they have figured out that the children will not be purely Chinese -- you needn't point this out to them.

They've seen the error of their ways; please put it behind you.

Do it for HER, if for no other reason.

Answer 9

Congrats!!!! You just sat down for a wonderful roller coaster ride -- be ready!
If you expect the brides family to pay for your wonderful - colorful event then you MUST have it their way -- because they will constantly bring up the fact that they are paying for it.
Its the biggest party you will probably ever have so the both of you should contribute to it and have it your way. Go budget -- look for bargains (you'll find them) take your time and enjoy every minute because it is such a wonderful time!!!
I would have a little of every tradition, dance every dance and have fun!
Have A Wonderful Life!!!!
Good Luck!

Answer 10

combine the most sincere aspects of both sides then double check with the grandparents. 1 keeps extended family respectful of mumtuials and brings good chi no matter who thinks what. oh yeah CONGRATS.