Discipline when is it good and bad?

Question

OK i know that people out there are completely against disciplining there child but you ever go out and see those kids that completely run there parents basically its like they " wear the pants in the family". Well my child has this same attitude and i dont understand what it is that we're doing wrong. He's 2.5yrs old and he refuses to sit at resturants we tell him NO and he does it any way time outs in the corner are uneffective. Taking toys away worked for a while but now it doesn't phase him he just finds something else to occupy him i can't get him to sit w/ me to learn numbers colors and things like that. He's gonna have a new sibling in July and i honestly dont know if its my hormones going bonkers or if a really am that bad of a parent. My question is have u had any similar experiances w/ ur children and what did u do to correct it? If discipline was used what was it and how are they now? IS this honestly the "Terrible two's" and he'll grow out of it?
THANK YOU!

But is 2.5 too young for spankings?

Answer 1

He won't grow out of it, if you don't discipline him it will get worse. I have been a nanny for 6 years, and I have seen children behave with me because I will actully correct them and not behave with their parents because they arn't consistent. I know there are many conflicting opiouns when it comes to spanking but what I am about to tell you will not only help you it will help your child for the rest of their life. When A child says no to you, and then looks at you to see what you are going to do about it it's because they are looking for security, they are trying to find out whos in charge them are you. If they are in charge you get an insecure child if you are you get a child that behaves, and trust you. MY suggestion is this, when they are in direct rebellioun looking at you saying no, you sweetly, and I do mean sweetly because love is just as important as discipline, take them by the arm and swat there bottom. Bottom only. Depending on your child it may not even need to hurt, it might hurt there feelings enough that they listen, if not it's ok if it hurts, it will hurt for a short time, but it will save there life, and their relationship with you. Now, they will cry, especially if you have never done the before, when they cry you take them in your arms and hold them. Unless it's an angry cry, but if it's a sad cry, you love them. THis is the biggest mistakes parents make when spanking is thats there no love or follow up. You tell them mommy loves you, and to keep you safe I have to make you listen. You ge them to say sorry for not listening, and then YOU FORGIVE THEM!!! It's over, they feel better because they know you can control them, and you feel better because there actions hurt them, and not you. Also your not constantly dealing with the same issues over and over again in one day. Moms shouldn't have to scream at their children, EVER!!! An exception being if they are about to run into the street and you need to say stop. But think about it right now, if you did would they stop or would you have to count to three, because by the time you got to three what would happen to your precious baby. This is why it's so important to teach your children lovingly, but with discipline, to listen it keeps them safe, and you calm, which makes there home enviorment better. I hope this helps. I know this works and there is nothing wrong with it, I hope you use it. Good Luck If you love your child correct them.

Answer 2

You're probably not a bad parent, but you ARE confusing discipline with punishment (which is what most people do.) Discipline is ALWAYS good - it means "to teach." Punishment should fit the offense, but you shouldn't punish a child until you have taught them that the behavior is unacceptable. If he won't sit still at restaurants, don't TAKE him to restaurants. If you can't get him to sit with you to learn numbers & colors - HE'S NOT READY! You can make a game of it so he doesn't realize you're trying to teach him, but don't force it on him and don't punish him for not being ready to learn such things. However, it is ungodly parenting to let a child "run the show" and I am sick to death of all of these lazy parents who give into their children just to shut them up! Granted, a spanking should ALWAYS be a last resort, but for some children, it is the only thing that works. You should NEVER use anything other than your bare hand on the child's bottom, NEVER spank while you're angry, and never more than a couple of smacks. You should also be preparing your son for his new sibling. Get a baby doll and let him "help" practice taking care of it now. Teach him NOW how to love his sibling. I did this with my oldest daughter and she was so excited by the time her little sister arrived that there was no sibling rivalry. (Can't say that once they started high school though! What a bumpy ride THOSE years were - and still bumping once in awhile now that they're 24 and 21 1/2~!) Everybody who came to see her sister made sure to pay attention to her too. It will be okay - just be CONSISTENT and stick to your guns.

Answer 3

He may be just acting out for it is difficult for any kid that age to sit in a restaurant. Personally I believe in discipline and my brother did not. I would pick my battles but if a spanking was warranted then I would spank. My brother never spanked and believed in protecting his sons ego. Now I have a daughter on the deans list in college and two in high school getting excellent grades and staying active. They are all mostly behaved and although not perfect I could not ask for better. My nephew on the other hand has been arrested and in court several times for stealing, breaking in and entering and now for weapon possession along with stealing etc. Still he is not disciplined and things only keep getting worse. You will do yourself a favor by not always being your child's friend but by punishing, spanking, and always working with your husband so you are both on the same page at all times. I know some child advocate will say I abused my kids because I spanked them but look at kids now and look at how they were years ago. Who really was right?

Answer 4

As my father always said, "the fastest way to a child's brain is through the butt" I was spanked and now appreciate it. I grew up very well behaved. I was always spanked with my best interest at heart. I was always given a warning and told why I was being spanked. I only received an open hand across the bottom and never beaten. You're the parent, be a parent it is your job to instill discipline and prevent behavior that is distributive and dangerous. If that means a quick slap on the backside, so be it.

Answer 5

I agree with wartorn, I think sometimes it is appropriate to give an openly defiant child a controlled swat on the rear. Only, it must never be done in anger and you should set very specific rules for yourself when you'd use this punishment, and back off it as soon your child's behavior permits.

The reason I think this is necessary sometimes, is because children are extremely clever and many of them are strong-willed, and they don't see why they need to obey you. They're waiting to see what you'll do if they don't obey and if it's no big deal, they'll keep doing it. They're testing you.

I think not all children need this, but some do. My son used to hit us (he picked it up from daycare) and we swatted him for it, but he doesn't do that anymore. Sometimes he still yells at us and talks back, but he is rarely so bad anymore he requires a spank.

I think of it as a ranking exercise, that for some spitfires you need to let them know physically that you're in charge, just because. You can't reason with a 2 year old. When he's older, taking priveledges away may be more effective.

Answer 6

I feel for you. The most important thing is for you to be consistent, I know it's hard because you feel like you are repeating yourself a thousand times but he is pushing you, he is seeing how far he can go with you before you will "give in". Time out works well, trust me you may think it does not bother him, it does. Sit him in a corner on a chair and when he get up or turns around tell him to turn back around or put him back on the chair. As far as the restaurant issue, when he learns to act "right" at home he will act right in public. Don't go out to dinner until he has mastered staying in his seat at home until everyone is done eating. I had the same problem with my daughter. No your not a bad parent, all kids test their parents to see how far they can be pushed, just stay strong and consistent , it will pay off in the end. And I'm sure you are doing this but make sure he is getting the right amount of positive attention not you and the new baby only. He may be feeling it. Don't let the fuss be just about you and the baby. Look at his from his point, he had all your attention, daddy's attention and grandmas and grandpas, now your pregnant with a new baby and all the talk is about the baby and you. I agree with the comment before mine, don't "protect" your child from disipline if it is warrented, children have a BIG problem these days becaue of their parents, it's called no concious, mammy and daddy protected their feeling to much and everytime they cried for getting in to trouble mommy or daddy would run over and say" I'm not mad at you I just don't want you to chase your brother around with scissors ok, I'm not mad". Bull crap yes you are mad, the only thing that that crap creates is a child who has no concious and no sense of guilt for doing wrong.....guareenteed. Excuse the misspellings My spell check is not working and I have to get off here. Good Luck

Answer 7

I spanked my son in a restroom bathroom for not listening. Like you I want my child to listen and I see the children of the parents whom don't spank their child. I just want to spank the parents. Now I say that if you can't use time out or taking toys then spanking is next. It doesn't hurt you to spank your child. Hope this helps and I'm a firm beliver in spankings and for the parents that are against it stop and read what she said. She is totally right on the child not listening to you because they know they aren't getting a spanking.

Answer 8

I know people will disagree with me on this, and say it's cruel and wrong, but I was raised with "Spare the rod, spoil the child." I do not condone smacking or hitting a child EVER, but a small slap on the hand or a light swat on the bottom can do a lot of good. Just make sure your son understands why.

Answer 9

Its difficult for a 2.5 year old to communicate so they can get extremely fussy and fustrated thats when they typically act out. You have to stay consistent with how you handle him. If you decide to take toys away, you have to continue that route. No TV, whatever it is that he really enjoys - take it away. Show him that you mean business no matter how much your heart is breaking. I am firm with my son - I hit his bottom ONCE and it made me so upset I haven't done it again he is now for and he listens very well I stuck to my guns and it worked. GOOD luck and Congratulations on baby number 2. PS if you haven't started preparing him for his sibling please start or it could get worse.

Answer 10

Two year olds do not have the self-control to sit still. This is the terrible twos. Be patient and consistant and it will pay off later. The difference between good and bad discipline is that good discipline teaches and bad discipline punishes.