Looking back, what would you have done differently regarding having children?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and are scared to have children. I am just trying to learn from others experiences before we decide to have children.

Answer 1

Best advice I received was "your never prepared to have children, so just have it, and take each day as you go." I did, had my daugther 6 months ago and would never turn back time and change anything. I am disappointed that I waited so long, I always thought I had to wait till I was financially ready, but your never financially ready for children. Once one person is on maternity leave you just learn to adjust your lifestyle. Don't wait to long because your not getting any younger and once you have your first, you may want another, and your clock is ticking. It took me over a year and a half to get pregnant, and now I am reaching 30 and wondering if I really want to have another child when Im in my 30's. Learn to accept the fact that money isn't everything and love is more important. A child does not need all the top brand things, as long as they are taken care of, it doesn't matter how expensive this or that cost. So if you feel your not financially stable, who cares, as long as you can provide the necessities, thats all that matters. The other stuff is just luxury.

Answer 2

Don't let fear hold you back if you want to have children. You'll look back and giggle at the thoughts you're having. Children can be challenging and test patience daily, but ultimately are absolutely incredible. I am not really a child lover, per se, meaning, I never really got into hanging out with others peoples kids, but my own...yikes, they are awesome. We were told alot before we had kids that we better do what we want now, because after kids you can't do anything. That's a farce. Sure, we struggle with a romantic dinner since the 4 year old wants to put on a singing show, and the 1 year old is eating with the hand that is not holding the fork, but hey, sacrifice is OK. We haven't stopped hiking, camping, travelling, going to movies, going to dinner, going to the mall, swimming, etc etc. Sacrifice happens, but it depends on how big of a deal the sacrifice is to you. We haven't sacrificed anything worth keeping. We make time for our marriage. Make time for our kids. I love being married and I love having kids.
I would look into your hesitations, though. For example, are you worried that you won't have enough money? Or, do you guys value your free time too much to invade it? Do you want to take the time to raise kids? Some of our worries pre-baby seem silly now, like the money thing. Ultimately, if you want kids, do it.

Answer 3

I had my son at the age of 20 I was almost 21. I was alone and scared and I had no one at all. The father had raped me. I am 28 now and have been married for 6 years and my husband has been there for my son since he was 7 months old. I almost lost my son once from the state of alaska cause of my mental mom. But I fought and fought for him and got him back in 11 months and everyday I have him I tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him for changing me. My daughter came when my son was taken and I was being told that I will never see my daughter after she is born I was crushed to death with no family casue my mom is so mental she told everyone I was leaving my son in dirty diapers and that was not the truth. She was never around me and my son when she had said this. My mom is now on meds and is doing better with talking to me and my son so when she comes over I have to have a non-family member in the house just in case she pulls another stunt like that again to me.

Since I have said all that I would say that no with all I have been through and all that is still to come I would only say that I wish I had put my son on meds for his ADHD and Bypolar disorder.

My son is 7 almost 8 and my daughter is 5 and my kids are my life and I am a at home mom.

Answer 4

I would have tried hard to spend more time with them. Don't get me wrong - that doesn't mean you can't go out without them or take a long weekend by yourselves...but if you can afford it, spring for a kid to mow your lawn once in a while and take your kids to the park. Keep your house a little bit messy and play an extra 1/2 hour. Really. You'll never believe how fast they grow.

I know it's a big decision. For us, the time management was the biggest adjustment. So, I guess my advice is to think about how you'll make time for what's really important to you and if something's not that important....let it go. And make sure that time as a couple and time as a family make the list.

I can't tell you what to do, but I have never, not even once, regretted having kids. Having them was best decision we ever made.

Answer 5

Nothing. I found out I was pregnant, when I wasn't planning on having children. But 18 years later, there is nothing at all that I would change. My children are the biggest blessing in my life. Don't be scared, if you want children, let it happen and be the best parent you can be.

Answer 6

Nothing. I am glad I had my kids when I did. I think the longer you wait the more frightened you'll be to have them. I know if I would have waited until I was in my mid to late 20s, I never would have had children. It's honestly the best thing I have ever done. They are a handful at times but in a good way. I couldn't imagine my life without them. They make everyday worth it.

Answer 7

I believe that when it comes to looking back everyone will have things that they wish they could or would have done differently but you can really go by that or linger on it because it doesnt help. What matters is that you are doing the best you can at the time when it comes to children, marriage, or life in general. Its the fact you tried that matters and counts.

Answer 8

You have to have a license to drive a car, pilot a plane etc. You have to go to school/college to get a degree. Study the bible to learn how to love your fellow man etc. I would have loved to have taken a parenting class to get the basics before I had my children.
It's similar to getting a job. You should know what you're doing before you take the position. I love and adore my children. I wished I knew more about having them before I took the position of being a parent. It's the best and hardest position in the world. I wouldn't change that, but would have liked being better educated.
I knew how to love them. The most important part!

Answer 9

I would have done nothing differently. I love my son more than anything in the world. he's my life. sometimes I look back and think that I shouldn't have droped out of highschool but then I think no because if I would have finished high school then I wouldn't have met my husband and had my son. So yeah I don't regret anything.

Answer 10

My husband and I were engaged when I found out I was pregnant. We had planned on being married a couple years before we had kids but it didnt turn out that way. I wouldnt trade our daughter for anything, sometimes I wish we would have had more time just us two but everything works out.