Why do mothers sometimes not believe their children about being raped?

Question

I was raped from the ages 5 to 11 and my mother didn't believe me when I told her and it was her first husband and now i can't sleep at night and I wake up with bruises

Answer 1

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you, and your continuing problems with it. My prayer is for peace within you and your family.

To answer your question:

Mothers have a fierce instinct to protect their kids, and so when they are given that kind of information, it cuts them really deep...she failed you as a mother in this way.

Not only this but she brought your attacker into your life as her husband, and it gets even creepier to think that she was presumably having sex with her husband, in the same time that he was abusing you...so all this is a lot to handle from a mother's perspective.

I don't for a second think that this overshadows your pain, or excuses her choices not to help you. But it does explain some things.

You will need therapy to help you recover from this kind of abuse. There are all kinds of issues at play. Incest, abandonment, adultery, violation, doubt, trust, etc. These are hard-hitting emotional things that need to be worked through so you can have healthy relationships again. It is hard but worthwhile work.

One of the things your therapist will probably go through with you is some self-parenting techniques...this is when you have been failed or disappointed by the mistakes of a parent at a young age...and eventually you need to go back to that need and fill it yourself. Say what you wish your mom had said. Do what you wish your mom had done. Etc. And knowng that it was verbalized to you, or that it should have been, helps to validate your sense of sanity at the time.

Kids aren't meant to be treated this way so don't be hard on yourself, thinking that you are crazy. You are no more crazy than anyone else. You have survived and learned to cope with a very hard thing happening to you. In many ways you are stronger for it and I hope you are somehow blessed by it, will bless others with your experience...since it can not be undone.

Speaking of undoing...we know this cannot happen. But the closest thing you have to undoing this, and it CAN undo the future damage...is well within your reach. It is forgiveness. It has nothing to do with whether or not anyone in the past deserves to be forgiven. It has nothing to do with whether or not they are alive to receive the forgiveness. It has nothing to do with whether or not they ever did or will do anything similar again. You can forgive anything, anyone, by not saying a word, in the middle of nowhere, or talking to a brick wall. Why?

Because forgiveness is for YOU. All it is...is deciding that you are going to redistribute your feelings from a negative place or person, to a more positive place or person.

You can't spend money twice, and you can't spend feelings twice. Whatever you spend, you spend ONCE and it is an investment that somehow multiplies for you or against you. So if you continue to be bitter or sad...you will actually block yourself from being happy, in TWO ways. Not only do you prevent happiness in the moment that you are going through the pain, but you are drawing more sadness TO yourself. Eventually, you won't know how to be happy, how to think positively, or how to act in ways that bring positive things to you.

So you will eventually want to learn forgiveness. Hard. But possible and necessary.

Answer 2

Parents dont want to believe it. I was raped at 14, My dad was a army drill sgt. We had to toe the line. My dad said the whole time we were growing up," If a woman gets raped, she asked for it, she led the guy on and then said stop when it was too far for him to stop."

So i hid my rape from him until the day of my wedding, I told him , and yelled at him for making me feel it wasnt ok to tell. He has now changed his thinking.

i was 14 the man was 32.. he was my best friends dad.

I will never not listen, if my daughter ever told me anything or i saw any signs I would find the answers to my fears.

Answer 3

Usually means the parent is in denial.. you need to take to someone who will do something about it.. not saying she doesn't love you.. but this is making her feel like a awful mother.. and it can be hard to accept. So find another adult who will help you and make sure this man is convicted for his crimes. Good luck and seek some help.. it will make you sleep better at night.

Answer 4

I believe that people won't believe something like that because they would have to look at themselves and see why they didn't see that side of their husband and to ask themself if there were signs she should have known. I believe that it is not that she is truly doubting you, just can't let herself accept this kind of horrible behavior from someone she was married to and trusted. You need to speak to a good therapist, school guidance counselor or even your family doctor. They can recommend treatments to help you get over this. May God be with you. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Mothers don't ever want to believe that something that awful could happen to their children especially right under their own roofs. She may not want to believe because of the guilt it causes her. If your mother will not listen talk to your guidance counselor in school who can refer you to free counseling. You need it to help you handle this ordeal. If you don't get help now, you will have memories creap up when you are older that will affect your entire life. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

Yea I comprehend the two sides and that i'm an rather far perfect person. you do not choose to boost the newborn of your rapist I have been given it I thoroughly comprehend. I additionally thoroughly comprehend that the different facet looks out for the childs wellness because of fact its egocentric to take ones existence to extra advantageous your guy or woman I propose i don't be attentive to approximately you yet whilst i replaced into the effect of a rape i does not choose to be aborted, somewhat i might discover out who my dad replaced into and make him pay. Abortion is largely a very sticky situation to pin on an entire group such because of fact the Tea occasion.

Answer 7

She's in denyle (sorry about the spelling)...I went to counciling for round about the same thing except it was my great uncle, and my grandmother didnt believe...still doesnt...Anyways I found out that the reason for this is because they dont want to believe that someone they love could do something like that to ANYBODY, and the best way to avoid that is to not believe them. The wierd thing about my uncle is that he has done this kind of thing tons of times before and she knew about it, but when it came down to her own granddaughter she thought there was no way...I sorry that this happened to you and that your mother doesnt believe you. You will be in my prayers.God Bless.

Answer 8

I'm sorry this happened to you. Even though your mother won't believe you, you need to get help from someone to help you deal with what happened to you. Talk to a trusted teacher, friend, or even a friend's mom or dad (I'm assuming you are school aged). What happened to you is not right and you shouldn't have to deal with it alone. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 9

because some be worryed to get lefted by there man and some dont want to get hit for asking maybe its the money and hard core love he shows her then when he gone she go miss it and want it more and try hard tomget him back and going to waht ever even give the kid to him so he can stay but it will be ok so dont woryy about it

Answer 10

because some mothers are dumb and they just want a man and they are crazy to believe a man over there child.