How did you talk to your kids about strangers and when?

Question

My daughter just had her 4 year check up and the doctor spoke with her about not talking to strangers. I thought it was kind of strange, considering she's only 4 and obviously isn't out playing alone. But regardless, I decided better to be safe than sorry. Anyway, I was telling a friend of mine about this and she was stunned. She feels that talking about bad things and instilling fear in a child especially that young is wrong. She believes that if you think something bad will happen, it will. That if you don't talk to your kids, they won't be afraid, therefore they won't draw bad people to them.

I agree that I don't want my daughter to be afraid of all people, but I want her to be equipped with the knowledge that most people are good, but some are not. So, we told her that. We told her never to approach a stranger and if someone approaches her to tell them "I don't talk to strangers" and run and find us immediatly.

When did you talk with your kids and what did you say?

Answer 1

Like you, I didn't want to scare my children.. but the facts are, it's terrifying being a parent nowadays.

But I was also lucky.. I have 4 brother-in-laws, who are wild about our kids.... so we made it a game. we have a "secret swing" at our house. Anything you tell Me or Dad will be a secret, and you can't tell anyone... ever, unless someone is going to get hurt.
So while we were on the "secret swing" we gave the twins a secret word. one that they were sure to remember.. their dad has a very funny middle name. He never uses it.. but we know it. So if anyone ever would come to the park, or the pre-school, or the school, where ever and pick them up.. the kids were to ask who sent them... Only someone who had been on the "secret swing" would know the answer. If the person didn't know, then the kids were to find the nearest mommy, or teacher, a daddy that they knew, a policeman, a fireman (the FD) was beside the pre-school and tell them.

My brothers in law got a bunch of their friends from work and college.. they would have them go by the pre-school, or the elem. school and tell my son or daughter that mommy or daddy had sent them to pick them up.. they would ask what Mommy's name was.. (my husband's middle name can be a man's or a woman's... LOL.. that's why he hates it... lol) when they didn't know the name.. my kids would run to the teacher.. One time my daughter ran to one of the firemen and my brother-in-laws college room mate was almost arrested..... lol. Later we had the kids meet all of their uncles friends at a picnic, so they would not be afraid of them.. the kids got presents from all of them and were told that they were SO happy that they were allowed on the secret swing. So the kids got a presents for doing a good job, and they found out that the secret swing worked.

They are 30 now.. they are still in touch with all the "adopted" uncles.. we were surprised when all but 2 were able to fly cross country for the baptism of our daughter's daughter. Then she told them that she expected them to come out in about 3 years to teach her about strangers..... LOL

Our children were taught how important it was to keep a secret. and that is the key. We also found out at the baptism that none of the Adopted uncles has ever told what my husband's middle name is to anyone............LOL

Answer 2

I think if you talk to them about it early then it will prepare them more, instead of frighten them. They will understand not to talk to strangers when they are out on their own. If you tell them when they are starting to play alone by themselves, they might be afraid to go out on their own because of this new idea that talking to strangers might be bad.

At that age kids are very sociable, so they will talk to everyone... even if they aren't playing alone. They could be 2 feet away from you at the park and talking to strangers.

Do whatever makes you feel comfortable. You know your child better than anyone else does! Do what feels right. Sorry I can't be of more help, I don't have a child (yet!)

Good luck!

Answer 3

I've been talking to my daughter about stranger danger ever since she was able to uderstand what I was saying. I think I am a little on the paranoid side though. Just think of it this way....if your child were to be abducted, wouldn't you wish you had talked to her about it? It is important for them to know that not all people are bad, but that you never know. Bad people come in all ages, sexes and sizes. They need to know what to do if they are approached and what to do if taken. Most parents think warning them of the dangers is all they need to do, but if they are taken they need to know it's ok to try to get away and find help. Of course my daughter does not go anywhere without me, but you hear of kids being taken from stores, parks and other places where the parents are with them. It is very important. If they have no fear, they will be more likely to go with someone they don't know.

Answer 4

I think kids should be empowered with the knowledge as soon as they're old enough to understand. I think 4 is a fine age to discuss the idea of a stranger with a kid. Your child may not be out playing alone but what happens if they get out of your sight for even a second? I know we don't like to think about it as parent but it is reality, especially in this day and age. The key is in how you teach them about strangers and not using fear but instead teaching them how to be aware. I would rather teach them now then have them get abducted or abused and think that I should/could have done something sooner.
There are plenty of good guides and info about how and what to teach your kids about strangers. I've included one of them below.

Father of a 12 yr. old son and a 5 mth old daughter

Answer 5

you should tell them at an early age 4 seems appropriate, my daughter is 6 and stills GOES UP TO strangers and talks to them, shes getting better at not doing it but she is just very friendly and sees the good in everyone. most child abductions occur by someone the child knows anyway. Stranger Danger isn't really something you have to stress over. Just make sure she knows not to go anywhere with anyone that you dont go with. I dont recommend teaching them to scream "you're not my mommy/daddy" my stepdaughter thought it would be funny do to when she wasn't getting her way

Answer 6

It's very important to talk to kids about strangers. My mom began telling me when I was 5. So I would recommend doing it as early as possible but make sure they understand it. My mom continually told up until I was 10. I think that you can never tell them too many times. It's important to keep your children safe. But they need to be friendly, only be alert with who they are talking to or whatever if they don't know them well enough, but I think that children should not be left alone until they are at least eight or nine or so and by then they have at least some awearness of their surroundings. But nonetheless tell them early on, explaine to them what a stranger is and continue to make sure they know, and are safe.

Answer 7

I think you are both right, but more you than her. You don't want to scare them to death, but four is NOT too young. And sometimes bad things happen to good people. My son was approached by someone in a store (while he was in MY cart). They asked him his name...then what's your last name....then where do you live, around here?.... I instantly had a sinking feeling and said that we needed to go. I can't really explain it other than that it just didn't feel right - really NOT right. My innocent 4 year old child said, "I liked that man. He was nice" as we were walking away. We had the talk. My advice is to go to the library and see if they have this book - it is great. Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Talk to her NOW. This world is not a safe place. She needs to know what is right and wrong and how to handle wrong situations. I had a girl who knew no strangers. She would talk to anyone. One night there was a heart breaking story on the news. I made her watch it and then explained that was the reason why I didn't want her talking to just anyone. She understood and that sort of broke the pattern.

Answer 9

If you think something bad will happen, it will? I'm sorry, but that is complete crap. Something bad happens because it just happens, not because you think it will. My brother is 5, and he knows all about strangers. I go to college, and teach a 3 year old preschool class, we spent an entire week talking about strangers and doing all sorts of activities. All of my little ones know the dangers that are encompassed with people that they do not know.

Answer 10

My daughter is 5 going on 6 now. I started talking to her in soft stages when she was 4. I started with teaching her my cell phone number. My cell phone is always on my person (I don't even put it in my purse) and it's alway charged and turned on. Next I taughter her our address. Now I'm teaching her about her instincts. I have her order for herself in resturants and talk to customer service people in stores. When we hit the occasional "stranger" I ask her how she felt about that person. mostly because they gave me the "willies" too. I ask her how she felt in her tummy about that person. I tell her to remember that and if she's ever without me to remember that feeling. if someone makes her feel that way she's supposed to either get to a safe person or get to me.

The trick is so teach them safe practices without scaring them. I would rather talk to my daughter about strangers and equip her with what to do than lose her in the woods and lose her forever because she was hiding from a search party (out of fear). Just take it slow and let your daughter lead.