conflicting opinions regarding holidays. any advice?

Question

ok... so I don't celebrate holidays and my girlfriend does. By holidays I mean all the major ones including birthdays and anniversaries. Because of that I don't force myself to remember these events, at all. My girlfriend says "These days are a reason to celebrate our family and love" well I would do that any day of the year, not just designated days. My question is, can we co-exist given how strongly we feel about the celebration of, or not celebrating holidays? Will this continue to be a problem?

Answer 1

If you don't understand the societal importance of remembering your girlfriend's birthday, then perhaps you should only date people who share your views. While I think we're all entitled to our beliefs, I don't think yours actually counts as a belief as much as it's a counter-belief, only there to go against the grain of what is accepted as normal.

The bottom line is that most people are going to be hurt that the person they care about doesn't care enough about them to care that it's their birthday or that it's Christmas. And if you really cared about her, you'd understand that while it's not important to you, it is important to her, and you would act accordingly. It wouldn't be "forcing" yourself to remember something that she considers special, if you considered HER special. Personally, it just sounds lazy and kinda cheap to me to say, "yeah, so what that it's your birthday." But if you're not willing to compromise, then yes, I think this will continue to be a problem, especially when she has to explain to everyone why her boyfriend didn't get her anything for their anniversary or for her birthday. And forget kids! What, you're going to tell your child, "sorry, I don't do birthdays, so you're not getting anything?"

Personally, I wouldn't date you. And not because I want gifts, but because this is all about you being the cool rebel, more than it's about caring how someone you love feels or about what this behavior says to the rest of the world that sees it. And that attitude will continue to manifest in a million little ways that I wouldn’t want to be around to suffer through.

Answer 2

It will continue to be a problem only if YOU make it so. I suggest you learn the art of compromise and start celebrating with your girlfriend especially when celebrating family. You can continue to do so on a daily basis but an extra helping at holiday time doesn't hurt.

Answer 3

It would upset me if my b/f or husband doesn't remember the day I met/married him.

It's not going to take anything from your time. Just mark the events or anniversary/birthday on a calender to remember them and make something special of that day(s).