Am I wrong to not want him to go to his child's birthday party at his baby mama's house?

Question

My boyfriend's little girl will be turning 2 in 2 weeks. I like his daughter & she likes me although I barely get to see his daughter due to his baby mama being childish. She rarely lets him see his baby because she wants him back (me & him been together for 2 years & 3 months) & dislikes me. Sometimes, because of a mistake I made 7 months ago, he will run back to his baby mama if we get into a bad argument. The baby's party will be at the baby mama's house. I think that he shouldn't attend, he should get her either the same day or get her for the whole weekend and we should all have our own birthday party for her. I'm VERY uncomfortable about him being over at the baby mama's house. I want to be a part of this babies life too & would like to take some part in her birthday. He believes it will cause friction if he gets her for the weekend, but I dont' think so. I don't know why he just won't reconsider. When he doesn't it makes it seem as though he wants to go her house. Help!

If we're going to have our own birthday party for his duaghter then why doe sit matter that he doesn't come to the baby mama's party. I could see msyelf being horrible if I told him don't have a party at all and act like it's a regular day. But I'm asking that we give her our own birthday party. He hasn't always been going back to her, and she doesn't like me so going to the party with him is out of the question. She's tried to fight me before and comes up to my job sometimes. She had to go to court for hitting me in front of a police officer. No, I didn't know he had a baby on the way when I first started talking to him or believe me I wouldn't have been with him.

Another thing is that her mother isn't a good mother and when she decides whether or not her daughter can go somewhere it's out of being spiteful. She wants him back so she says 'no' . She locked the baby up in a room full of roaches with her senile grandmother so she could have sex with a boy. She left the baby home alone one time so she and her mom could go to Atlanta. The baby wasn't wearing a car seat in the car and ended up breaking her leg. Still on her side? It would be no problem if his baby mama was civil and a good mother. But she's not, so that's a big part of it too. Try to understand first before you make judgements people!

Answer 1

Girl don't worry about these ignorant ass people. Ain't nothing wrong with you feeling that way. It's understandable. Just let him go this time and maybe he'll let y'all have another birthday party for her later. I know it's hard, I'm going through the same thing. I understand how unfit this mother is. Oh boy do I. But yeah, I don't know what these other people are talking about when you're saying that y'all gonna give her y'all own birthday party instead of adhering to the baby momma's party. So that's stupid, you aren't asking to cancel anything, just have two different parties. I feel ya, girl, I got your back. You're not being childish, unreasonable, or selfish. No where did I read that you didn't want him to be a part of his child's life. People just automatically try to side on what they think is right for the child or the baby momma and make it look like you're crazy to be with the man. What y'all have is much more than we can see I'm sure. Just try to trust your man a little more and hope he'll let you spend time with the baby as well before you end up resenting her. LOL I'd go to the party though to cause some problems. Haha J/K. Hope that helps. Oh and his ass do need to look into getting custody or it might could lead to problems later. And if you do decide to let him go or whatever, make sure to get the baby something cute. ^-~

Answer 2

Yes, you are completely wrong. I am a single mother. My daughters father is the biggest jerk you could ever meet. However, as long as he wants a part in our daughter's life he has it. There is no reason for either of you two continue to act this way. First, you need to understand that no matter if it is birthday or a school play, they (the mother and the father) will be part of each others lives. They are not together for a reason. do not be jealous of her. He needs to learn his rights as a father. The mother can not stop him from seeing his daughter. Courts will not allow this to happen. Custodial interference. It is a law. If there is a problem with him seeing his daughter because she is upset that he has moved on, then he needs to seek legal help. As far as you go. Be there for him. Not against him.

Answer 3

This is a battle you are going to have to fight as long as your in this relationship and i hate to say it but until you marry him the decisions he makes regarding his child are his to make. I understand that you feel uncomfortable with him being there but you have no place in telling him not to go. If you can't handle the relationship he has with the mother of his child maybe you need think long and hard because she NEVER going away and she will always win because she is going to be in his life forever where you as a girlfrien may not been there in a few months so he is not alienate her for you. You really need to decided quickly if you want to live like this for the rest of your life or if maybe you should be with someone who does not have baby mama drama. there are plenty of men out there with children who have normal co parenting relationships that do not include running back to there ex.

Answer 4

He should be at his child's birthday. And yes, you could have a party of your own for her...there's no rule that says she can't have two parties or that he can't be at both.

So you were "with" him for three months when his "ex" had his daughter? Hmmm, sounds like he has the best of both worlds, you & the ex & a daughter....all dancing around him and playing his game. I think you should open your eyes and see what is really going on around you. It seems as though he is using you for an escape from his responsibilities and when you get demanding he uses them as an escape from you.....no matter what he gets what he wants when he wants it. And all the drama is good for the ego isn't it? Wake up and find a nice guy that isn't going to play you. Good luck

Answer 5

You are sorting out a truth here. Truth is he will always have an attachment emotionally to the mother of his first child. You will always come at least 2nd in his heart for the next 18 years. You are not part of the child's family till he marries you. For now, it is her mothers call who she spends time with & where.
I would encourage him to go to the party and while he is gone for the day, spend some money and time on myself.

Love is a descision. There are a lot of single nice men out there without children that would put YOU first and life would be drama free. If you can not trust him, why be with him?
Don't waste yourself.

Answer 6

First of all, you need to evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend. Granted, you made a "mistake" a few months ago, but that's no reason for him to run to her when y'all are fighting. You can't put everything on her about trying to get him back if he's still going over there--he's leading her on, and that's wrong on his part. Obviously he's given you a reason not to trust him, so I understand you not wanting him to go to her house without you. But you have to realize that a relationship involves 2 people--why are you fighting so hard for a man that either doesn't care enough about you to stop going over to her house or just wants to have his cake and eat it too. He needs to put his foot down when it comes to his daughter--the mother shouldn't be able to manipulate everyone this way. It does seems like he doesn't want to reconsider because he wants to go over there--he's playing on both of y'alls feelings and you need to put a stop to it. But if you want to be with him you have to realize that this will probably never stop--she will always be a part of his life because they have a baby together. If he can't take up for you and make decisions with you and respect you, it's time to move on. The sad thing about all this is that the little girl is being used as a pawn. My husband has 3 kids with his ex, and she tried to do the same thing--he told her that it didn't matter to him if she accepted me or not, we were going to be together reguardless and while she didn't have to like me, she needed to get over it. It took a while but she did, and even though we're not exactly friends, we are civil to each other.

Answer 7

First of all, you're not married to him. Second, you have to remember your boyfriend will always be around this other girl because they share a child. You have to make a decision and ask yourself if you're willing to fight for this guy by dealing with this drama. imagine the two of you married and this other woman will not change. What about your boyfriend, you haven't once said anything about him trying to compromise with you.

It sounds like to me He's not man enough to put the foot down and take his daughter from her unfit mother. You need a shark, not a guppy. You sound young. there's other fish in the sea and you need a man who is honest, respects you, and will defend you even if you're wrong. Things will get better my dear, just believe it will. Have faith, then actions.....

Answer 8

I imagine its hard having him have a baby with another but he needs to go and you need to accept it. Thats his child. I in the past dated men with children and I couldn't do it and now that I have 2 kids of my own I understand why they were the way they were. Its better for the child to have everyone there especially both parents even tho you disagree it is! If you guys are going to be in this relationship for the long haul then there should be some compromise about you participating.

Answer 9

I'd be upset if he DIDN"T go to the birthday party! Young lady, get a grip. This little girl is his daughter. He has a responsibility to her now and will for many long years to come. If you really want this relationship you have with him to last, you need to step back, trust him, and grow up.

Both you and the baby's mother have a lot of maturing to do.

My sympathies are with the child and your boyfriend.

Answer 10

the fact that u stated he will run to his baby moma is a big NO NO! i dont care what yall argued about, if that relationship was done then he would not be running to her for any kind of comfort. the only relationship they should have is concerning their child and not theirselves. u cant tell him that he cant go to his childs pary either no matter where it is at. since u cheated (im assuming thats the mistake u made) i can see why ur worried because karma is a b***h. Also remember one thing, baby momas are permanent, something u should have thought about before the relationship.