I have been seriously dating a guy for several weeks. We have a LOT in common! We have a great time! We spend days on end together...and its great! But...he has a temper! He is under a lot of stress for work, hasnt been resting enough and I understand how he feels - but - he takes it out on me - just yells (at the situation) but in my direction. I am a strong woman-I can handle it- and I tell him when he ticks me off and we talk thru it-and he apologizes profusely. We can talk thru anything! He has said I love you to me, I have not said it back...Im just not sure yet...We go round and round in arguments - and end up laughing in the end...but when he just outright yells at me because hes frustrated-thats just not cool.
How much should I put up with so early in the relationship? Can I train him out of yelling AT me?
I know he has what I want out of a long term relationship - and he has said that he loves my heart and the way I treat him. But - can I expect more? realistically?
2007-03-06 02:52:00 · 13 answers · asked by Broken 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to explain to him that your are sympathetic to his situations, and that you are on his side. But, these things are not your fault ad you'd appreciate him not taking it out on you.
Make sure you have this conversation while his stress level is low so he doesn't feel defensive about it. Make sure he understands that you are with him, not against him. This behavior can be changed. I did it myself.
2007-03-06 02:58:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is showing those signs so early in a relationship, when people are usually on their best behaviour, what will he be like in the future?? It doesn't make u a strong woman because u put up with that kind of treatment, it makes u weaker. A strong woman would tell him she is not being treated like that, and walk out. If u ever want a future with him, I would let him know right now that u will not be his doormat for his anger. If things continue the same I would take a step back from this one, before your heart does get involved and then it will be much harder to do. Good luck
2007-03-06 11:02:46 · answer #2 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realistically, all the signs are there for you to end the relationship now. There will always be things that cause stress in life; how we handle these challenges demonstrates how we're able to get through life. If it's not work, it will be the stress of children, illness, death in the family or something else that makes him hostile.
When he yells at you he is showing a lack of respect and concern for you. That's not acceptable; he'll always find a way to laugh it off and the cycle will repeat itself. You are not responsible for training him out of yelling at you; he's a grown man, not a puppy. If you're questioning his behavior so early in your relationship, that's all the indicator you need. And, of course he loves your heart and the way you treat him; he's grateful to find someone who tolerates his selfish behavior...at least for now.
You can only expect the situation to get worse. End it now before the emotional and possible physical damage begins.
2007-03-06 11:01:21 · answer #3 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let's pick this one apart. How do you both REALLY feel about one another? Since it's been several weeks, you both are in the get-to-know-one-another stage, and we all have to go through that. But if his behavior is or has gotten worse and it's hurting the relationship, I'd say it's time to move on. If it's been a month and he's saying "I love you".....and yells at you all of the time, it's not a real love I don't think. If you haven't said "I love you back" then something is telling you this probably isn't the right one for you. And THAT'S OK. You don't have to tell him anything if you don't want to; especially if you don't feel it. I've been in every kind of relationship you can think of, and they've all taught me what I'm willing to put up with and not. You'll have to determine that one on your own, you know =) Keep me posted with what happens!
2007-03-06 11:00:38 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If its like this now, What happens when he gets truly comfortable? Think of this.. When a new relationship starts people always put there best foot forward.. So what happens when his true side comes out and you see more of his "temper" then you bargained for. Personally I would find a new relationship. You do not deserve to be yelled at even when he is under stress. My man has one of the most stressful jobs listed and he never comes home and yells at me.
2007-03-06 10:59:12 · answer #5 · answered by Issym 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't expect anything more out of this con artist. I have been through this more than once. He is a Drama King and most likely has tons of issues you haven't even BEGUN to uncover yet. Check around - ask his friends and family, try to find out if he is really a whack job. This is only the beginning, I'm afraid of what you are going to have to endure with this guy. He is way out of line if he has such a temper and yells already around you. I know you aren't going to leave him-not quite yet anyway-so I'd love for you to get back with us in a few months with the DRAMA update. I guarantee this guy isn't the real deal. Check yourself honey.
2007-03-06 10:59:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
well, people can change. i would suggest that you tell him exactly what you've stated in this question--that you really do like him, and that your relationship has so many good points, but that there is this huge issue of his yelling at you. tell him you know he's frustrated and stressed, but that it isn't healthy for either of you if he directs that stress and frustration on you. i would tell him, that before you can take your relationship further, he needs to address this. then see what his reaction is. is he willing to change? and then, does he make an effort to change? if he does, then you've got a keeper. and if he doesn't then you know you're walking away from something that isn't right for you (or anyone). i hope this helps. buenos suertes ;)
2007-03-06 11:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by nobu_abe87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
I was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy, and the relationship started out just like this. I was young, naive, (15) and I had no idea of how bad things were gonna get. The yelling turned to him breaking things then that led to him physically abusing me. He put me into a coma once from strangling me too long...I don't want it to get to that point with you.
Odds are, if it's not good in the beginning, it's only going to get worse.
2007-03-06 10:56:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hey! If he's yellin at you because he is stressed out or something than that means this is just a phase. Work is always changing so in time his "mood' or "attitude" will change also. I say give it some time and just work on being there for him. I mean my boyfiend used to do the EXACT same thing to me and I was there through everything.....when he used to be stressed or in a bad mood he would yell and scream at me, but I just hung in there because I knew this was just a phase.......so what I'm tryin to say is HANG IN THERE. I hope I helped. Bye Love.
2007-03-06 10:58:30 · answer #9 · answered by Avie 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
While you are putting up with it, he will do it. And so early on too. He needs anger councelling. I'd be weary. Be there for him, but you don't want to be his knocking post.
2007-03-06 10:57:26 · answer #10 · answered by flumoxed 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋