Is there any help for Narcissism?

Question

I have been involved with an emotionally unavailable man for almost 2 years. I think he may have narcissistic traits that keep him from a relationship. We started as friends and shortly before I slept with him I realized I was in love with him, he led me to believe that he had deeper feelings for me and would tell what I wanted to hear (but go and do hurtful and deceitful things behind my back and would tell me he was not sorry for doing them and that I just wanted to make him feel shitty for being who he was)it was then that I started to realize that he didn't love me and was not capable of loving me or connecting emotionally with me. I am broken hearted, but I know I can recover. I still don't have it in my heart to hate him or to give up on him, although I told him I no longer want him in my life anymore. This has been one of the most frustrating, and hurtful experiences of my life. The warning signs were there, but I chose to ignore them believing that he would change and grow out of them, like he claimed he wanted to. He still doesn't understand how his behavior hurt me, and lacks the ability to show any sort of empathy, but tells me that one day he wants to be able to tell me he loves me, and to show me the ways of love that I have shown him. It's so hard to let go, but I know it's for the best. Does anyone else have experience with this, I know I can't fix him, but is there any hope that he can get help for himself, so that maybe we can build a real, honest friendship in the future?

Answer 1

I'd venture to guess that his father is the same way if he knows him. Mother had to be pretty distance to. No, only because the only help for him, is him. He holds the key to his own solution, no one else. People can sit and talk with that man all they what, in the end its his own survival techniques that well block his progress. Narcissism is usually an extention of other problems, it isn't the sole cause in other words. Narcissims is a defesive way of protecting the ego (person's pride) from social "castration"(lack of a better word). Where the fear is really center around rejection. So to help overcome the overwelming fear of rejection people have a tendecy to make themselves a person who has already rejected everyone else. In this matter, no matter what anyone else says it has no power over them simply due to the fact that all "others" exsistence in another world then how that individual/person sees it. This individuals view of the world allows them to be the "one on top of things" while the rest are seen as less then that. Its very deep seated. What concerns me is that even thou this individual has demistrated all these traits and put up plenty of brink walls to make himself not just emotional distance but also spirtually, why are you still feeling any faith for him? Any Hope? How well could the relationship have been with this type of dynamics playing? How good of person do you love there? Your heart never forgets thats why the first lesson of wisdom I try to tell people is: Be Darn Careful Who You Love. All thats mute right now thou. If you really want to give your life to help him, your going to need him to relate his story. Good Luck, even when life is great for us its hard to tell the story. I'm not talking about "stories", so much as how he became the person he is. If he doesn't realize his story thats part of his problem. If he just doesn't want to tell you thats a problem. Its important to our social development to be able to relate who we are to other people. In this way you can better find a way to get him to feel good about expression his feelings, because he'll realize how much he has been thru just to be able to tell them. Its hard enough with someone who is fully developed and is able to express themselves better yet some one who isn't. I'd let him go away from being anything close to the purpose in your life and just continue to have a relationship with him based soly on how much you feel for him. Be careful because the point here wouldn't be to make a life with him, just to help each other live your own lives. If you can't do that then your going to have to cut away from each other and hope for the best.