Am having a debate with a friend; I maintain that 'please' is not always polite.
"Please do this" is usually an order. There's not much room to wiggle out of it.
On the other hand, casual requests -- "If you can spare the time, do you think you could get X done?" -- let the person you're asking say "I don't have the time, sorry," or "Sure, just as soon as I'm finished with Y."
The latter strikes me as much more polite. The friend disagrees -- 'please' is, for him, required. I say it makes for an awkward exchange, especially because the response to either phrasing tends to be followed with a 'thank you.' 'Please do this,' 'Yes,' 'Thank you,' strikes me as stilted and along the lines of what you'd expect from a grade school teacher and a student.
Am I, er, less old-fashioned than the friend? Is that even old-fashioned? Can you think of situations where one would be clearly better than the other, or is it an all-the-time thing for you? Etc, etc. Your comments...?
2007-03-06 02:32:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
As far as this debate is concerned, it's about casual interaction between friends and family.
It _does_ sound like how you'd address a three-year-old, or perhaps employee. But not a peer.
2007-03-06 02:52:15 · update #1
the latter is certainly more accomodating and respectful that the recipient of the request may have more pressing priorities.
the latter is more polite, but even the former is preferable to a blatant command.
2007-03-06 02:36:09 · answer #1 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should always say "Please" - but it doesn't have to be so blunt in the way you put it. When I am asking somebody to do something I usually phrase it as: "When you're done with Y, would you please do X?" It's not demanding, but also puts attention on it that you want it done and it's not to be left up to the person whether they want to do it or not - if you say "If you can" that leaves too much of an opening for them to decline, so if you really want something done you have to be a little more aggresive, but say "please" in the sentance somewhere to show gratitude.
2007-03-06 12:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by GingerGirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with "please." Would you ask a 3 year old to remember to wash his hands after going to the bathroom if he has the spare time? No, you would politely tell the 3 year old to please wash his hands leaving no loop holes. If a server asks you if you want more coffee (or another drink) would you reply, "if you have the time?" No, you would politely answer yes, please or no, please. One does not have to use "please do this...", one could say, "would you please do this..." which leaves the recipient of this question with the possibility of saying no. I am a firm believer in manners & in using them.
2007-03-06 10:47:22 · answer #3 · answered by curiousgeorge 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I tend to agree with you on this. It's always best to use the word "please" in the sentence, but a lot of it depends on the deflection of your voice when you say it. Being polite is more how you say something than the exact words you use.
2007-03-06 10:38:38 · answer #4 · answered by kj 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you. However, a simple please-centered request is usually faster.
2007-03-09 15:53:42 · answer #5 · answered by Revelation S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on the causualness and the complication of the request. If I'm tying my shoe and have packages I have no problem saying "can you hold this please?" to free my hands for tying. But if it's a favor that imposes more on them then of course more wheedling is needed as well as more thank you. But if I'm reading your question correctly and you're problem is with the word "please" itself then you are very wrong, Please is required for all favors and requests no matter the relationship, it's the shortness and assumptiveness that makes it awkward.
2007-03-06 12:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by SnakEve 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The first one is more like a command. I like the second one.
2007-03-06 11:49:50 · answer #7 · answered by B"Quotes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally prefer: "I'd like you to do X once you're finished with Y," or something of that sort. "If you can spare the time" sounds too wishy-washy and optional.
If you say, "Could you please do X for me?", it's better than "Please do X." And you don't always have to go with "Thank you," either. You can say, "Great, thanks," etc.
2007-03-06 10:42:20 · answer #8 · answered by charlie h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends on what you are asking and why. if you are a manager or boss, I would say: 'when you are done your current task, I would like you to do this'. or I would really appreciate if you could do this
2007-03-06 10:36:52 · answer #9 · answered by Jellybean 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋