been a step parent for 18yrs and the step daughter still hates me!?

Question

when she was a child growing up. I have done all I can to win her approval! I have never tried to replace her mother. I tried to be a friend to her when she needed it and when I see she is accepting it, she all of sudden pulls back!! In the past she has reminded me out loud that I am not her mother! she has always argued they way I try to raise her?? she is now 29 and still disrepect me! we grew into a hate love relationship. I leave all conversations to her father. In the present she has blamed her father for how her life is today?

Answer 1

Well she is adult now. But I see here that she blames her father for the way she was brought up from a child. I'm not sure if her father try to talk to her as child to try to guide her with good senses. Well for me when I got married my wife had two children from two different fathers that I had to deal with. Her kids did not like to much. One child seen his father every two weeks and the other did not see his father at all. Because that father had a wife and other kids, he did not want ruin that relationship and disown his oldest son. Now the father try to have relation ship with his son. Because his father had a relation with his wife. I have talk to my stepson and to his father. I told his father you should have been there for him from time he was a baby but were not there for him. How can your son listen to you. My stepson is now 28 years old. I do have a son from my ex wife he is 16 years old. He went through some problems with his mother, and now he lives with me. My advice is she adult now, Just give your husband support if you can. I know you where not trying to replace her mother. You are going to have to deal it. Because my stepson comes over to visit. He said, I love you as a stepfather. I just let him live his life the way he lives it. Have are adults now. We really can't do much more but to give them support. Good Luck

Answer 2

Maybe you can send her a beautiful card to tell her how much you love her, and how hard you have tried to be close to her. Tell her you realize the trauma she's been through, but now that she's matured you have hope you and her can be able to finally have a congenial relationship. Maybe you can invite her out to dinner and to a museum or something. Reassure her you are not trying to replace her mother. Tell her you are her father's wife, and would like for the two of you to let go of the past. Good luck!

Answer 3

Just try and ask the girl if you have ever done something wrong to her. Tell her that although you are not her mother, you are still like her step mother. Tell her that you love her and will always love he no matter what. Always try to do your best to her, don't ever make her to get angry. Try to do what you think she likes best. Ask her if you have done anything wrong to her since you know. Just try so that the two of you can understand your self since she is now a grown up girl.

Answer 4

Your relationship with her probably started off with her resenting you from the start, most kids have it in their head that mom and dad will get back together.

She is a grown woman,has had 12 years to build her own life,if her life sucks she is the one making it that way.

After 18 years I would not bother trying any longer if it is not excepted, cut her loose and she will mature some day but do not let her disrespect you and your husband shouldn't let her either.

Answer 5

she is a grown woman but still sees herself as a 'victim' or in the least; a rebellious adolescent. She sounds like the epitome of self-indulgence and self-centeredness. I would by now tell her that her opinion of you does not matter in the big picture. I would try to zone her out and not invite her to social gatherings. This situation will never change, so its time to change yourself and how you deal with it. There are 15 y.o.'s who have learned to be more diplomatic for the sake of peace in a family. She should be throughly ashamed of herself.

Answer 6

well I wouldn't worry about it, because she is an adult now and you did your best, she cannot blame her dad for the way her life is today, she can only blame her self because she can change it if she is unhappy with it. tell her when if she ever comes over that if she can't respect you, then she can stay away. you don't need that in your life, be happy and enjoy your life. if she wants to be miserable then let her, its not your problem no more. good luck.

Answer 7

She is a grown women and it is not your problem that she does not like you - you did all you could for her and it sounds as though she is just ungrateful - you did nothing to make her attidue the way it is towards you - ignore her and leave everything to her father maybet hen she will stop and leave you alone

Answer 8

She's a brat! Never will like you for stepping in. She's her own woman, as such, and you can only be civil to her. Too late for her to change and appreciate you unless something traumatic occurs in her life where you are the one to rescue her. Avoid confrontations and don't overtly offer any help.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like nothing makes her happy. She is an adult now and should grow up. Blaming everyone else for her misery is soooooooo childish. Forget it, you know you were there for her and she is the one who can't appreciate it. Don't beat yourself up, just have a nice life with your hubby and let her wallow in her own self pity...

Answer 10

sounds like she has the issues not you.It also sounds like you care for this female and she refuses to let you be apart of her.sometimes people love but are afraid to let that love shine in case the receiver backs away in some way she sounds like she has issues with her mom's absence.sometimes when a parent isn't available for a child for whatever reason that child feels like no one can love them if that absent parent didn't.I don't know the situation in her case but she has to work it out.