Problem communicating with husband?

Question

I think I need some help here, We are thinking of moving my 89 yr old father in with us. I asked my husband first if it was ok with him and that I wanted a truthfull answer because it is his home too and he said " that will be fine" but in the next breath he says, What about the grandchildren they won't be able to spend the night anymore, I just don't think you have thought of the negative things to the move". I told him that I had weighed the neg and postive and I thought it would work but if he had any reservations at all I needed to know them, then he said no I told you its ok. To me I see this as a two sided answer, is that wrong? I think he wants to please me by saying yes its ok when he really doesn't want it to happen. If they are other people around he says "You don't listen to a thing I have to say, you just ignore me, I told him no I was not ignoring him I was listening to what someelse had to say. He has to have my undivided attention is that why he is against this?

Answer 1

I think you need to check what in his opinion, the negatives are. Are they the same as your idea of what negatives are. He might just be trying to look at all the problems - it doesn't mean he doesn't want your father there. He doesn't come across as against it. But I'd sit him down, with a nice cup of coffee and talk it through. Don't take exception to anything he says, but talk it through. You're not asking permission - you've got that. You just need to talk and listen to each other.

Answer 2

Well, he is apparently agreeing to it to make you happy. He has reservations about it because he probably does want your undivided attention but also when you have other family members in your household (other than your children) you have conflicts, and I think that may be his biggest problem with it. If it were me, I'd ask him if he has ANY reservations about it. But maybe you have a good husband that will do anything to make you happy and honestly doesn't have a problem with it, he was just giving you some information that he thought you may not have thought of.

Answer 3

i don't know that it's b/c he wants your undivided attention but i do think he's very uncomfortable with the idea of having him move in and he doesn't want to hurt your feelings or doesn't know how to express his.
i'm sure you feel the need to help your dad. i would too. but it may cause problems for you down the road if your husband isn't completely on board with this.
is your dad unable to care for himself? if he's not, maybe think about another arrangement. there are many communities for the elderly. also, think about how your dad feels about this. does he want to move in?
best of luck.

Answer 4

I love my husband with all my heart, but my grandfather raised me and when I needed him he was there. You and your husband will not always agree and that is a real marriage. If you agreed on everything then something would definitely be wrong. All I can say is go with your heart and you will truly be blessed.

Answer 5

Your husbands just scared and that's natural, switch roles and think how you would feel in his position I truly don't think he minds, he is just worried about what can and may go wrong. Try talking to him again or better yet try listening again.

Answer 6

THINK ABOUT THIS...YOUR FATHER NEEDS U AND I AM SURE HE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU......I HATE NEW MEXICO WHERE I LIVE CLOSE BY TO MY PARENTS. MY LOVE FOR THEM BROUGHT ME HERE. I AM A NATIVE OF CALIFORNIA. NITE AND DAY IF YOU ASK ME. BUT I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I HAVE WITH THEM SO I AM HERE. BY THE WAY MY HUSBAND LOVES ME ENOUGH. WHEN HE LEFT TEXAS TO BE HERE WITH ME.

Answer 7

He is jealous sharing you with ANYBODY, wants you all to himself. Sounds like he is very co-dependent on you and anyone else in your life is a threat.

Answer 8

Put the old man in a home, save your marriage