OK, this is a long story......
My father moved to Texas when I my a teenager and luckily for me married a loving caring lady who has become a wonderful step-mum. I don't have much in the way of 'real' family in the UK so her parents quickly came to feel like grand parents.
My Grandad in Texas has been diagnosed with cancer, and several other pre-existing medical conditions mean that it may not be operable. I am finding this news really hard to cope with because I don't want to lose him. I've only known him for 5 years but I love him like a grandparent. I was so happy that I had a chance to be part of a 'normal' family.
The problem I'm posting here today is that my boyfriend of 1 year basically doesn't give a s***. I emailed him to tell him today and he was like "oh dear... anyway..". I rang him this afternoon because I really felt like I needed some support or, dare i say it, sympathy and he said: "yeah, well my thoughts are with your step-mum's family", like I don't count.
2007-03-06 02:20:46 · 13 answers · asked by tigerfly 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Of course you're not wrong to want emotional support and of course you're boyfriend should be there for you at this time. However, what you're describing is a typical male reaction to this type of situation. Its hard enough to know what to say at the best of times when people tell you someone they are close to is terminally ill. What can you say really? nothing can make that go away, its always very hard. Generally speaking men find it particularly hard though. my boyfriend is the same. He actually tries to change the subject the same as your boyfriend. Al I can suggest is you talk to him about how you're feeling. Just Say, I know its hard for you but I just need to know you're here for me at the moment. Explain h doesn't have to say anything or try to come up with any comforting words but that a hug will do.
2007-03-06 02:41:42 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong to want some emotional support but some people are not very good at it.
Maybe he thinks if he changes the subject it will help you by taking your mind off the situation.
The best thing to do is talk to him but when you are feeling a bit calmer, is there a friend you could have a cry on in the meantime.
I am so sorry to hear your bad news and I am sending all the sympathy in the world and a big hug to go with it, I hope that helps a little bit.
2007-03-06 03:50:04 · answer #2 · answered by Jo H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Course your not rong - it shldnt really matter whether he is your real Grandad or not, you love n care for him , and to be losing sum1 u love is the worst thing in the world. Tell your boyfriend how much u love your Grandad , if he doesnt give you support off his own back - let him go. Sorry but, people rarely change and you could end up saddled with an emotional cripple for the rest of your life.
If you dont have many family members, your friends/boyfriends have to b even more special, as they will b the ones who support you all thru this life, so cjoose carefully. Im really sorry that you are losing your Grandad, I still miss both of mine, * *
2007-03-06 02:38:14 · answer #3 · answered by Claire 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your having a really tough and very emotional time and need of a friend.Some men find it hard to be supportive in the emotional sense especially when your upset,don`t take it personally,it`s just the way they are.Maybe you need to confide in somebody like a trusted friend who can give you that shoulder to cry on.You have obviously become very close to your extended family and will need to support each other through your tough time ahead and will definitely need that emotional support.I am sure you do count in your boyfriends eyes but not the emotional kind that you need...........good luck.
2007-03-06 07:27:53 · answer #4 · answered by sarah y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he doesn't care much about you or he doesn't really see the point of being upset about a "grandad" you're not related to. You really should ask him why he's behaving like this and tell him how upset you are and that you need his support. We can only guess what's going on in his head.
2007-03-06 02:27:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men are plain insensitive and maybe he doesnt realise that you are hurting too. Sit down with and tell him how you are feeling. It probably isnt that he doesnt give a **** - he probably doesnt know how to say it!!
Im sorry for what you are going through, is there any way that you can get over to Texas to see your Grandad?
2007-03-06 02:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Claire - Hates Bigotry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not being funny but i would ditch the boyfriend because he didn't give two hoots about you. i really sorry to hear about grandfather it is hard to deal with. it doesn't matter weather you have known him for 5 minutes or 50 years you love him has a granddad and need support look to your friend for support or contact a support group in your area. good luck.
2007-03-06 04:02:13 · answer #7 · answered by louise b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need emotional support all the time not just when something is wrong and your boyfriend should realise this. I bet he wouldn't like it if didn't sympathise if one of his family members were ill!!!!
Leave him alone and find someone to comfort you, who understands what you are going through, you deserve better
2007-03-06 02:28:54 · answer #8 · answered by smudge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong to need emotional support. That's perfectly normal.
But your stepmom's family will be the first to bear the brunt of this so how wrong is your boyfriend?
Anyway, you can communicate to him what it is you'd have preferred to hear.
2007-03-06 02:45:22 · answer #9 · answered by J.Christie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are so not wrong you loved him and from what i gather he loved u too, A grandfather does not have to be biological to make him special, so your b/f is being a jerk, tell your dad and step mom how u feel and get through it together. all the best x
2007-03-06 08:16:53 · answer #10 · answered by squawinpants 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋