Im pregnant with my bf's baby, but he is almost 5 years younger than me and hes really scared...he may leave

Question

ok, my bf is 20, im 25 in a week...im approx. a month pregnant with his baby. He has been having mixed feelings about this since we thought it may be a possibility. One day hes all for it, picking out baby stuff when we go shopping, th next he's not sure he can do it. I understand he may be nervous, and it is a big responsibilty for him as this is his first seriouse relationship and he has never even lived with anyone befor, and all of a sudden hes an instant "dad" to my two daughters from another relationship. i really gotta give him credit for the way he took on responsibility for these girls though. NOw we have been together since Ocotber or November, and I'm pregnant. Last night we went to bed early because he has to work ealry, so we just went to sleep, i was thinking everyhting was alright. The next thing i know its 2am and hes waking me up saying hes scared, and that hes leaving me. he got dressed and was about to walk out the door.

we started talking about abortion, and he told me he didnt think he could handle another kid, because just last year he was in high school, and was living the life of a teenager and now hes basically a dad to a 5 and 3 yr old. With a baby onthe way. I never thought about how stressful that mnust be, but for him to ask me to KILL my baby is sort of a bit much. I was in disbelief, wondering how he could promise he wouldnt leave through this pregnancy and then he wakes me up to tell me hes leaving me...what if he didnt wake me up? what if i woke up in the morning and he was gone? wow. So, we talked about it, and all of a sudden he had a change of heart, saying to forget it all he was just being selfish, and we were having this baby no matter what. He said it was time for him to grow up and take care of his responsibilities. I feel so dam guilty though. It like he thinks his life is over, and i just want him to realize...its just begining, his baby will change his life for the better

Once he sees his baby growing in my belly, and the second he holds his little baby in his arms, it will all be different. I know for a fact he would never completly abandon his child, he actually told me he would take the baby from me and keep it on his own, but he couldnt be responsible for 5 people all together. I just wish i knew what I could do to make it easier on him. he thinks he needs a break and time to cut loose and think about it, but while hes out on his "break" doing god knows what, im stuck at home, pregnant with his baby....thinking about it all. I just dont feel a break is the answer...what do you think? this is all so confusing, i just wish i wasnt pregnant half the time. IM scared now that everytime he gets scared hes gonna tell me hes leaving, an i dont want to have to go through that for 9 momnths, that kind of stress is not good in a pregnancy. Im so confused...i think thats all for now, thanks

Answer 1

Talk to him, tell him how you feel, not what you think he wants to hear. If he truly loves you he will stay, if his fear is stronger he will leave.

You have 2 children already, being a mom is not a new thing to you. YOU will be fine. He might come around before the baby is born. If he has a heart at all, he will melt as soon as he looks into his baby's eyes, and all those silly fears will fade away, and only one thing will truly matter , His son Or daughter.

If you make him stay it will effect the relationship. such as he might get abusive. Money fears are one of the main causes that turn men to abuse. Bottom line if he is a man , he will do whatever he has to for his CHILD.

Where will he go , back home to mommy?

If my son ( hes 15) came home at 20 and told me he left his girlfriend because she was pregnant with his kid, I would drive him back there and talk to them both.I would tell him to suck it up and be a man. If he didn't want a baby he should have tried harder to prevent it. If he didn't step up I would. He also made a choice to be a man when he let those lil ones of yours get close to him. Its not fair for him to bail because he is scared. He also has to think of them, since he committed to them.

Answer 2

First, congratulations on the baby.

Second, you both knew what could happen if you had unprotected sex, so why did that happen?

Obviously, since you are older and already have two children, you knew that you could get pregnant again, and should have taken more control over the situation.

I hope that you did not decide that having a baby with this young man would make him stay true to you. It may, or it may not. You may end up going through this indecision with him for your entire pregnancy; and that is definitely not a good environment for you or your unborn child, as well as your older children.

He may need time to think this all out, but the time is now. If he continues to act like this, you need to ask him to leave. He needs to decide on his own, if he is going to continue to be a part of all of your lives.

He will always be a part of the life of the baby you are carrying now, but you need a grown man (no matter what his chronological age is) to be your partner in a relationship.

I know that you do not want to be going through the next decade of your life wondering if something is going to happen that may prompt him to walk out.

Best of luck to you, I hope everything works out well for you and your children.

Answer 3

You need to talk about it as much as possible!!! Dont let him run off without putting up a fight. If he has had anything like that happen to him, tell him he cant do that to his own baby and if he hasnt let him know how it would be without a father etc. Be understanding but firm that this is his responsibility too. GOOD LUCK and CONGRATS
+ he needs to know that he has a wonderful baby to look forward too and it is a huge huge thing but it doenst change who he is completely, he can still have a life outside of the baby, he doesnt have to give up his whole life for the baby, just be more responsible with the life he is still living

Answer 4

I know he's younger than you, but if he's stepped up to take responsibility to your two other daughters then there is someone else depending on him. If he just up and leaves, he wouldn't only be leaving you and your baby together, but also the other two girls (ages?) who may or may not understand.

As tough as it is though, he does need to make a decision. (Obviously, I would want him to stay with you.) But, either way, he needs to choose. The stress is not good for you or the baby. I would confront him (not nasty or yelling), but calmly and talk to him about what scares him, what his worries are, what questions he has, and whether or not he is staying.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Best of luck!

Answer 5

Wow...he sounds really immature. What will you do if he leaves? Are you prepared for that? You need to be.

Since you have two children already you know that a child is a life altering event. He will have to step up to the plate and be a dad...it's to late to wonder if he's ready or not. Even if he leaves you, he can't leave his responsibility to that baby.

You can't make him stay, so be ready to deal with things on your own. You need to know what you will do if he goes and how you will support your children while you seek child support from him. Hopefully he will be a responsible parent and want to be there for his child.

Answer 6

honey it is natural for him to be scared with his first all dads are reguardless of age,but the truth is you cant change him,he has to make up his own mind.And you should not even think of abortion to hold him,that is no way to punish this helpless baby that did not ask to be conceived and he is right he needs to grow up.He knew what unprotected sex leads to.And if he is wanting you to kill his own child because he is not ready then what about your other 2 will he want you to give them up later on?You and him really need to talk about this and try to come to an under standing on this matter,but the 1 thing i would not do is kill my child for him,let him go if that is what he wants even though it will hurt you will get over him and move on,i wish you the best and good luck

Answer 7

OMG. he may be scared but he is going to have to take responsibility for this baby. Just explain to him that it will be ok. You guys will be alright. When he sees that baby he will be so happy and he may forget his fears for awhile. Just keep reassuring him that it will be okay. He should have thought about being scared before he had unprotected sex with you. Well Good luck and make sure he goes to the doctor's appointments with you maybe once he sees and hears the baby's heartbeat he will okay and step up to his responsibilities.

Answer 8

well, this is a lot for someone that young to handle. you have only been together for 6 months, you already have 2 children and are about to have another one. i guess it's really up to him if he wants to be there or not. my hubby and i had our first one when he was 22 and i'm 6 years older than he is. we were only together for 3 months when i got pregnant. things will work out for the best in the end.

Answer 9

Yea i understand the mixed feelings its a lot to take on-he needs to relax! He's got 8 months to get used to the idea-if he wasn't ready yous should have been more careful-he needs to step up and be a man-besides as soon as he sees that precious baby all worries and cares will be gone-cuz that will be his world-if he is smart!--if not then i'd ditch him

Answer 10

His mixed feelings are understandable but it doesn't excuse him from having to take responsibility. He knew the consequences when you two laid down just as you did. I hate this isn't what he wants but now he has to suck it up, man up, and just grow up. You can't run from what you started. You two have alot of thinking and soul searching ahead of you.