Are we old enough to start our family?

Question

I am 24 and my husband in 26, we have bought our own flat about 3 years ago and have been married 8 months now. We have been talking about starting our family but I feel really scared that I might not be a good mother. We both work although I have a better paid job than my husband and decided that he should give up work for a year until we can put the child into nursery. But I feel that maybe I'm too young although we do want a family do you think the time is right or should we wait?

We have been together since I was 17 him 19, we met on holiday as friends as he lived in Belfast and me in London he moved over here within 3 months of us meeting. My husband has always wanted children but I knew I wanted a life first, we have both done the fooling around going out and travelling, I am also worried about money although my husband says we will never be financially stable to have children like we were'nt when we decided to book our wedding but we booked and managed to pay for our fairy tale wedding. Maybe now is the right time still get butterflies and excuses from me thinking about it, I also worry about other peoples opinions although my husband and I are very happy it should'nt matter about others.

Answer 1

You will know when the time is right. Every woman, soon to be mother, etc is nervous when they think about conceiving and having a baby! It's a big step in your life and only you can decide when you are ready! You will know when you're ready, for the most part, but then again, you may plan on having a baby and still be nervous and feel unprepared. It's natural! As long as you and your husband are both on the same page, that's all that matters. You're going to need his help and he is going to need yours. You can ask for all the advice that you want to, but to me, you make that final decision for you and your husband.

Answer 2

If it's something you are both prepared to wait a few more years for then why not wait,you seem pretty into your job and my personal belief is a mothers place is at home with the baby,although times have changed im 20 and really cant wait for my husband to return from the army as we are going to try for a baby then,I lost one in julylastyear we hadnt wanted children untill this point and after we found out it qwas such a great point in a relationship we decided it was what we both wanted and would make us complete.Having children takes alot of consideration as they take alot of time and money but the feeling i had when i was pregnant and my relationshipship with my partner was far better than any job or independance i have now.Its worth keeping in mind your age too although your still young yet waiting will make you older for conception pregnancy and parenthood which isnt always a good thing.Mayube your hasband should consider a job change that wouldenable you to stay home for a while with a baby and perhaps start part time back when the baby is a little older.Whatever your heart is telling you is the right thing to do.

Answer 3

the right time for you to start a family is the right time for you and only you. Only you can say for sure if you are ready for this. If its any help i was 24 when i first got pregnant and 25 when he was born. I stopped work and although my husband earned enough for us to be financially stable i became very bored and very depressed. I do think it is important to have the right support around you. friends, good neighbours and supportive parents and parebts in law. It can get very lonely and very tedious sitting at home with a tiny baby and also very scary.but i survived it and so did my son ( hes 26 now) and i went on to have 2 more. i feel with hindsight that i would have been happier if i could have gone back to work part time, but that will only work if you have superb child care availabe to you. So be sure you are ready and dont worry about what anyone else says because when you get right down to it the most important thing in all of this is you and your husband and as it is your life it is going to change the most, then you must feel sure

Answer 4

If you feel you are too young then maybe you are. My mother had me at 23 and my father was 25. Then again this was in the 70s. I guess times have changed, but it all depends on your situation. I have heard that you're never really ready, but once you get pregnant, there's really no turning back. If you both are in a good relationship, and have a safe home to give a child, go for it. Also, there's no written rule which states how long you need to work before you have a baby. Look at how many unplanned pregnancies take place every day, and children are born into broken homes. I think you have a good sound basis for a child. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 5

You are old enough and it sounds like you are mature enough since you are taking this decision seriously. It's a big step and it's normal to feel inadequate.

When my first baby was born, my husband was in school and working part time. I had just graduated and was not working. We had been married for 1 1/2 years when the baby was born and had only known each other for just over 2 years.. I was 25 and my husband 23 at the time. It was another 2 1/2 years of schooling and student loans before he graduated with his Masters degree. By societies standards, we were not ready (financially) to start a family, but we felt that it was the right time.

Only you and your husband can make this decision.

Answer 6

I was 24 when I got pregnant with my son. I was afraid of being a mother, too. But I still was ready for a child, and even though he was a surprise, we did just fine.

Financial concerns are tricky. On one hand, if you wait until you can afford a baby, you'll never have one! But if you jump into with no plan whatsoever, that can get you in trouble. I will warn you that it's going to be very hard for you to go back to work, even though you make more money than your husband.

Physically, you are both at a perfect age. Your body is better suited for childbearing in your 20s than any other time in your life. Your pregnancy will be easier now than it will ten years from now.

Ultimately, only you can decide when the time is right. Just don't let fear of the unknown paralyze you into never going for it.

Answer 7

It seems that you and your husband are in a very good place right now to raise a child. Now, with that being said, how many vacations have you and your husband taken, or late mornings of curling up in the bed together?? You just got married 8 months ago right, well if you feel kind of overwhelmed with the idea of being a mom right now then this is the perfect opportunity to get to know you spouse a little better. Be wild and crazy together (you know what I mean). Devote all your time and energy to each other right now and get it out of your system. Basically enjoy being married because its fun and great (I love it) You two won't have too much time for each other once a baby comes so just make sure you do everything you want to do pre-baby. My husband and I waited 4 years and this is now our first. We've traveled and just plain had fun worry free. Our marriage is stronger than ever now. Any decision you make will be a good one, ok. Just letting you know that you have plenty of time. Congrats on the marriage and good luck to you.

Answer 8

It's always scary deciding to start a family, no matter what age! I felt nervous making that decision when I was 28 and my husband 31.

I think one thing you need to bear in mind if you are worried about finances is that in terms of the benefits you can claim, your husband can only get 2 weeks paid maternity leave at a maximum of about £108 a week (goes up a bit each year) whereas you can get 39 weeks leave at the same amount. So if your hubby stays home, that is going to affect your finances.

What you have to ask yourself is do you want a baby? It's ok to be scared, but if you want it you have plenty of time to work through those fears while you are pregnant. 9 months is a long time!

It's good to have your family young. You will have more energy for them, and will find it easier to conceive.

Answer 9

Well Hun, i have to say you sound very settled but very unsure if you want a family just yet, all i can say make really sure you are BOTH ready because its the hardest thing in the world when you have children your whole life will change and everything for a long time will be about the baby and money , im not trying to say this to be mean but i had twins when i was 23 and wish i had waited please don't get me wrong i wouldn't change it now, but some mums will know what i mean xx
good luck whatever you decide

Answer 10

Don't worry about it! I know, I worried so much too, but my mom (of 4!) told me that, as long as I worried about being a good mom, she wasn't worried, because she knew I'd care enough to make sure I was doing right by my child.

When we had OUR daughter, I was 23 and my hubby was 24 (I'm 25 now), he was just getting out of the military, we'd had some debt, and I didn't have a job (I had been overseas myself, got back and we took a vacation to visit family and Disney World, and then I got sick...and guess what! I was pregnant!).

I would say that if you've got a plan, a home, and a fairly steady job, that it will work. It worked for us, and we didn't have ANY of that. I will also tell you that you will be torn between going to work and being at home, but you CAN make it work if you're willing to try (and you seem to be!).

I'll tell you from my own experience (my mom was 20 when she had me!) of having a young mother - there were benefits and bummers to it. Benefits - my parents understood my generation a LOT better than the older parents of my friends did. But that was also a bummer - as they still remembered all the tricks that kids use! *grin* But they loved it, and my friends really enjoyed having a "mom" they could talk about REAL issues with. After all, most of THEIR parents were the age of MY grandparents (who were younger themselves!), and who wants to talk to your grandparents about boys and feeling "fat"?

And now my 2 year old daughter has gotten the chance to get to know NOT ONLY her grandparents (my hubby's mom was younger, as were HER parents too), but also her GREAT - Grandparents. I, too, was lucky enough to know my own Great-Grandmother until I was 12, and I learned a LOT about how things have changed, which made me have a better appreciation for things I DO have.

All in all, I would say "go for it!". You'll be fine, trust me!