I've started dating again and met up with 2 guys: the first was a non starter after 2 dates as he was obviously not ready. The second, we've met up twice and I like him so much! By nature, I am very serious without meaning to be but he's the opposite. Both of us lead very busy lives and couldn't commit to a 'proper' relationship. Not yet, anyway. Before we met, we exchanged many flirty/saucy emails and texts; we're still in touch now by text/email most days but no more lighthearted banter. The tone of these emails are friendly, though not cold. He's busy with work but will let me know what dates are good for meeting up next.
My question is: can love grow slowly or does it always have to 'happen' straightaway?
2007-03-06 00:44:46 · 21 answers · asked by Paula D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think love is something that is nurtured over time, and not just BOOM.. and you are there. To answer you, love can grow slowly
2007-03-06 00:52:19 · answer #1 · answered by Olga 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well hun it can grow slowly - he sounds like a guy a friend of mine is with - he made it quite clear at the start he didnt want a relationship - but yet they may as well be going out! He texts and emails her every day etc- but yet the commitment isnt there... it bugged her at first as she thought she might be being played -but now shes kinda taken a step back - stopped stressing about the whole relationship and love thing and is having the time of her life! I think you should do the same - dont be worrying about falling in love - if it happens it happens - if not- just enjoy the time you spend with this guy and the benefit of the kind of relationship you're having is that if by any chance you come across another guy you like - theres no ties to stop you from hooking up!
2007-03-06 01:25:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
REALY GREAT QUESTION!
Most people think that unless they fall in love" right away, then nothing will ever happen. OH, how wrong they are!
The whole notion of "falling in love" is fraught with fallacious assumptions, for to begin with, this overwhelming feeling is often driven by hormores and unmet needs.
I teach the concept of "walking into love" which means that, once you are with someone over time, you get to learn how this person really is inside, and what aspects of that person are ones that are very attractive.
The mature adult form of love is exactly like that. You grow together over time as you discover the really important qualities that the other person has -- the qualities upon which you can build a long-term relationship.
When I was young, I was looking for that immediate "high" that "falling in love" brought with it. Later on in life, I realized that these feelings were not really genuine because of the other factors that generated them.
In other words, chemistry is overrated. The intense passion that people feel in the initial stages of a relationship tends to die off with time, and then people wonder what happened to the love, and start looking to find it again in another relationship.
I'm in a long-term relationship right now, and from the moment I met her, that "spark" was missing. Yet, it did not matter because she is everything I could want in a soulmate, and over time, as I have come to know her, I love her more and more each day. The "spark" is there is our passionate encounters, but even then, I know it is more chemical than emotional.
Yes, love does grow slowly, and that kind of love has the best chance of going the distance. You love someone for who they are, how they feel about you, and what they do for you.
You do not love someone just for how they make you feel! That is the weakest reason of them all.
"C'mon and take a slow ride" as the song goes, and enjoy the "scenery" along the way.
2007-03-06 01:03:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What an amazing experiment/experience you're in...
I'm left wondering (for me too!) what is the "definition" of love? From your question, it sounds like there are mixed messages/mixed messages to the concept.
As I read it, you have "love" mixed in with:
friendship;
companionship;
intimacy (not necessarily sex);
flirting, etc.;
commitment;
relationship...
I s'pose a question to ask could be, are you looking to find love as a thing you HAVE, or a thing you DO?
A noun...or a verb.
A static thing you hold on to...or a moving, changing, actualizing experience?
Your last question can be (and I'm sure will be!) answered by many different people, with many different experiences. The only REAL answer, the only one that matters anyway, is how it works for you!
The one thing I've found in all the work I've done over the past years is...honesty trumps everything else.
No, I'm not saying to ask the guy, "Do you love me?" on the third date. But, letting him in on your journey is one way to identify what path he's on!
Pretend you're driving from one city to the next. You don't know where you are, and you don't know where you are going...so you get a map. You then ask someone who's traveling that way with you, "Hey, should we take route A or route B? What are you up for: The direct route, along the highway, or the indirect route, along the side roads/back roads?"
2007-03-06 00:55:01 · answer #4 · answered by JW 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Paula,
Well good for you, I am glad you have started dating again, you're a young lady and you should have fun, and plenty of it, especially if it is of the exciting kind, it's great when your knees feel shaky at the very moment you realise you are going to be in love very soon, and the feelingf that they may collapse beneath you at the very moment you know that you are going to be making love with the man of your choice, and overnight if possible. text messages are all well and good for a bit of a tease every day, but there comes a moment when the fingers that write those texts could be put to much better use, as could your fingers too...
If by your nature you mean that you want to start a serious relationship, without total commitment, then that is your given right as a woman that knows what it is she is seeking. I am a married man with 42 anniversaries behind me, and I am totally committed to my wife, and when we first started out relationship, it was the 1960s and at a time when it was an anything goes time of the 20th Century, and what has kept us together is the quality of our loving, and it is in the title of your question,'Slow Loving', That is how she wanted me, and Now at my time of life I am nsturally 'slow handed' at our loving. too many at too much haste these days, and loving don't last more than, as long as it takes, but our method lasts as long as we want it to. No wonder we are still so in Love.
So yes, love is better if you let it grow slowly, for as they say more haste, less speed.. Good Luck, and have a wonderful Love Life.........xXx............'bye, Tony M...............
2007-03-06 01:09:10 · answer #5 · answered by tony m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't tend to trust "Fast love!" I've been with my Husband for 11 years, and I genuinely feel that love develops, it's not the "Must have you now" lust that you get at the start anymore, but the comfort, familiarity and deep trust that you develop is far more rewarding.
I also watched my older sisters while I was growing up, they always went for the "full on all or nothing" love, and it always turned out badly. Hence, they are all still single after years of disasterous relationships, and (as I said) I am still madly in love with the man I've been with for almost 12 years. I guess I should thank them for giving me examples of what NOT to do in a relationship. Thanks E & S. (I'm not being sarcastic, I think if I hadn't seen all the crap they went through I may well have made the same mistakes)
2007-03-06 00:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by lululaluau 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is something (I think in my limited experience) that can be quick and slow at the same time. It always depends on your point of view.
For instance you sound as if you want the 'rush' of a feeling of love sooner rather than later and your partner sounds quite willing to let things develop.. both are 'correct'.
It might be an idea for you to experience it (if it happens of course) in 'his' fashion - seeing how things develop and letting things drift in a gentle fashion.
Besides, do you have some great need for things to happen straight away? This could be an ideal time for you to find out a bit more about you...
Good luck.
2007-03-06 01:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loves has no rules. Love cannot be categorised into do's or don'ts, into Yes or no or works and works not.
It sounds you are following your brain, your cold hard logic, not your heart.
Try to listen to you heart and try to "let go", you are pressing too hard to come to a "conclusion".
Who says love can't grow? Who has is can? Love does what it does.
If you like the guy, give both of you a chance, if you don't like him, move on.
And as for you guys "staying in touch" --- if you have the time to spend in front of your computer or texting, you find as well the time to meet for a cup of coffee. Get out there and have a life!
2007-03-09 21:36:51 · answer #8 · answered by Eugene 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love can be at first sight, or can develop over the months or years. There is no straight answer to this. Good Luck. If you really like the guy, you should the relationship a chance to develop over time.
2007-03-06 01:08:05 · answer #9 · answered by chardonnayormerlot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I always thought if it wasnt there to start with it wouldnt happen! When i first got with my bf i didnt love him and couldnt see myself falling in love with him, it was more a fun thing! But after a while something just clicked. We realised how much we liked each other. It didnt happen over night but we've been together 7 months and i love him very much!
Jusy play it cool girl, He'll come running if he wants you! If he doesnt dont waste your time waiting, move on! x
2007-03-06 01:12:34 · answer #10 · answered by Totty D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everything is alright!!! And you are doing it perfectly right!
Enjoy every minute and know that love is always goes its own way! the fact htat it goes not fast - is a good sign - this means you really take it serious and do nto hurry. As a result - less problems and conflict, more certainty about feelings and wishes of both!
2007-03-06 00:51:28 · answer #11 · answered by helga 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋