Atheists: Would you convert to a religion for your potential spouse?

Question

I am just wondering, for atheists, if you were planning to marry, say, say a Catholic, would you convert to Catholicism for your potential spouse. Obviously you aren't going to believe it whole-heartedly, but would you make that sacrifice in order to discharge potential religious drama in your marriage.

I guess essentially, it's like playing dress-up, pretending, but would you be willing to do this. Or would you at least participate in their practice of religion, such as going to church with them. This is a hypothetical, like if you happen to fall in love with a religious person. If yes, explain. If not, explain.

Answer 1

No. I'm actually in this situation. My girlfriend is a Christian, I'm an Atheist. We both don't expect from eachother to change, of course. We both feel it's something we both can learn from. I learn the good things of her religion, she learns that humans can have normal morals without a belief in any religious figure.

Luckily, we both also don't see the problem. She doesn't believe in a Hell. I think we couldn't be together if she did. I don't think a marriage will survive if one of the two tells the other one he will burn in Hell forever.

So, if 'enevenly yolked' couples can keep 'Hell' out of the relationship, I see no problems at all. Sometimes I join her to church, just as sometimes she joins me when i play tennis. That's what couples do.

In two months we are getting married, btw :)

Answer 2

Marriage is a partnership...each accepting the other for who they are and their beliefs, therefore if one was an atheist and the other deeply religious then the union would be based upon a lie if that party pretended to have religious faith. If the love between the parties was true then they each must accept and respect the others views, which applies to the majority of issues between two parties in a wedded union. Question is would it work on a long term basis, and that I doubt. A marriage based upon a lie / pretense will not work, pure and simple.

Answer 3

Define "convert"....if you mean "put up with", thats what I did. The only reason I did (I'm agnostic), is that she is Italian with a huge family and a Catholic wedding is their tradition. I can suck it up. When we met the preist however, I laid out my concerns to him, told him my beliefs, and he had no problems with it. This will not affect our marriage, at all, because, despite being raised Catholic, she knows much less about Catholicism and religion in general than I do, and only goes to church with her mom on Xmas. I could bear a Catholic wedding because my grandma and my mom were/are Catholic (practicing) so it was a nice gesture, a sacrifice, that I could give them. Just because I don;t believe doesn't mean I have to be a dick to everyone else.

Answer 4

I think if anyone actually wanted you to pretend to believe in their God for the sake of alleviating religious drama, you'd have a far bigger problem.

What kind of marriage would it be if both people couldn't simply accept that the other believed differently?

Marriages between people of different beliefs can work out just fine with a little respect.

Answer 5

Of course not. Religious belief or non belief is a personal matter. If my spouse couldn't accept me with my own beliefs (or vice versa) I think that would indicate some pretty serious problems in the relationship. I wouldn't expect anyone to change their beliefs for me, and I'd hope for the same.

As far as ritual goes, though, I would have no problem participating in the rituals of any religion (within limits, of course - no animal cruelty or bodily mutilation!), provided they accepted me as an unbeliever.

Think that's only fair and reasonable.

Answer 6

Well I married another atheist ten years ago so it was a non-issue.

But, I couldn't make myself believe in a faerie tale. I don't really understand how people convert so easily. I had a bit of a struggle with it when I figured out that I didn't believe and it took me a couple of years till I would say it out loud. I could marry someone who was a Christian, but there is no way that I could become one. Given the horrible things your God did in the Old Testament, I wouldn't want to lie and say I was either.

Answer 7

No. Surely what counts in belief is... belief. An atheist can't suddenly just "believe" something they don't any more than it works in reverse. Lip service conversion (though I know people who have sort of done this) is insulting to all parties including the religion that expects people to convert to it. I expect people to take me for what I am just as I take them.

Answer 8

I can't imagine someone I loved asking for me to convert.

And if this was a potential source of drama, the source (my disbelief) would still be there, so I don't see how my lip-service conversion would discharge anything.

Going to church is another matter. I might put in an appearance here and there if it would make him happy.

Answer 9

No. I am married to a Catholic man. I would not have married him if he didn't accept me for who I am. We accept that we hold different beliefs about religion and respect that in each other. He would never expect me to convert or try to convert me, nor would he ever expect me to do something he knows I don't believe in.

Answer 10

No. I wouldn't change my religion. I did marry my wife in a Greek Orthodox ceremony. Neither one of us are Greek Orthodoxers, but my wife's mother is and it seemed important to her. For me the religious ceremony meant nothing. The legality of the marriage and the involvement of our friends and loved ones was most important.

My wife and I have different religious views. She considers herself and agnostic theist and knows I am an agnostic atheist. It doesn't effect our relationship one bit.