He will not let me meet his girlfriend & perhaps I don't want to, but I don't agree that someone else is being a mother to my child, someone I don't know, and something I didn't agree to...I gave birth to her, not the father & not the girlfriend...any words of advice?
2007-03-05 22:16:06 · 8 answers · asked by victali 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Also he only payed $12 child support per week for the first two years after we separated and has inadequate work hours, whereby when he has her he gets other people to look after her....people I don't know. I find it hard to accept he is doing the right thing by her when he shoves her off to other people. He works his life around himself and not his daughter.
2007-03-05 23:01:45 · update #1
I am looking for some constructive ideas here, not stupid comments from people saying "I need to get over it". Thanks to all the people who understand this predicament and will answer accordingly.
2007-03-05 23:04:18 · update #2
I work fulltime and look after my daughter well....we have a good well rounded lifestyle and I spend a lot of time teaching my daughter reading/math/life skills....just in case anyone thought I was anything less...
2007-03-05 23:13:30 · update #3
I really thought long and hard about this answer: Get over it. Your daughter needs a father. The girlfriend is not the mother. Someday she may be a lifelong stepmother. That is not your choice. Your petty needs are superseded by the needs of your daughter. I hope she has a wonderful life.
2007-03-05 22:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he wishes his daughter to stay with him & his new girlfriend I think it only fair that you do get to meet her. What is he trying to hide from you? I don't know if you have a family law court agreement but by law I was told that the children have to be allowed to see their father unlessyou can prove to the courts that he is either physically or mentally abusive, an alcoholic, drug addict or any thing else that could be harmful to the child. If the child is 12 or older than the child can say what she would like to do. If she is under 12months of age you don't have to let her go with the father especially if you are still breast feeding. I suggest you seek some legal advice if you are not happy with the situation. It took the two of you to create the child so the father does have rights. His new girlfriend can never replace you as a mother. Maybe you could ask for a few supervised visits so you can find out how his new girlfriend gets along with the child. I did not let my kids go with the father until I knew his girlfriend. She had grown up children of her own & even though I thought I could trust her unfortunately she didn't do a very good job of watching them or telling the ex when he was out of line. Within the 1st four months my son refused to go there & said he would run away if he was forced & my daughter put up with it for 2 years hoping her father would change but she now doesn't bother with him. His loss my gain. Hopefully this has helped you in some way. Good luck!
2007-03-05 22:49:47 · answer #2 · answered by Vera K 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Legally - if its court ordered visitation - yes you do have to let her stay w the father and the girlfr. The girlfr I am sure is not "mothering" your child but probably is more like a sitter. You did give birth to her but when you and the father divorced/broke up etc you both opened the field to new boyfr/girfr/etc. I am sure the father will be equally is happy when your daughter starts meeting your new boyfr unfortunately this is just one of those not so fun parts of being in your situation.
If you really want to meet her - contact her when you know he is at work - ask her if she would mind meeting you. You cant force her but she might not be as against it as your ex is.
Also you and your ex should lay down some ground rules for "step-parenting" - what you both think is reasonable for the "new ones" to be doing - basic supervision for ex and what issues/decisions should only be handled by the mother & father.
Good luck!
2007-03-06 00:25:59 · answer #3 · answered by jillmarie2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can ever be the mother to your child, you are its mother and nothing can ever change that. I think it is wrong of your ex to not let you meet the girlfriend, it would make me feel he is hiding something. then again, if you are split up he has the right to date who he wants to. And since he is the father, he should get to spend time with his kid. But his girlfriend will never be your childs mother, the only thing she could ever be is a stepmother if they get married. Is your child happy when she sees her father and does the girlfriend treat your daughter good? If she does then be thankful your daughter has a father that cares about her, and a girlfriend who also treats her good. I think you may be a little worried she is going to replace you. That will never happen, you are mommy! Give it some time, if your ex is that serious about his girlfriend then there will come a time you will meet her. And if your daughter is treated good while in their company dont worry. Hang in there and try to relax, you are mom and noone can take that away from you!
2007-03-05 22:39:36 · answer #4 · answered by helen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to have the feelings that your ex isn't being a good father. It is a shame that more men don't step up to the plate and become good fathers, but legally there is nothing that you can do to stop his visitations other than go back to court, the judge can order him to release the girlfriends name so a check can be run, but you will need to have substantiated proof that she is putting your child in emotional or physical danger.
The father can turn it around and say that you also work and your child is being raised by a babysitter, so some good advice would be to have documentation, legal documents, all child support payments made receipts and documentation, all old court records.
2007-03-06 14:15:19 · answer #5 · answered by Marla D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am on the opposite end of the same equation. My ex-wife did not want me to take my daughter over nights until she met my GF. You would think that would be fair for her. But you know what. I was not comfortable with that. i am very respectable and my GF is a teacher. I hate my ex wife with the passion of a thousand suns. I did not want to give her the satisfaction. So when she said I couldnt, i dragged her to court and the Judge made her give her to me. If this woman poses no danger to your child, you have no right to say no. And the court will agree with what is in the best interst of the child. having a great relationship woth both parents. They do not care about the OW. So unfortunatly everyone else is right. Get over it. Nothing you can do about it.
2007-03-05 23:27:40 · answer #6 · answered by Shootsscores 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you have to stay out of it
talk to your ex tell him you are the parent plain and simple you make the calls and so does he
talk to your daughter too tell her to be polite and nice but you are still her mother
i kinda have the same problem
my ex has a gf who is a skank sry for the bluntness but she is
she has a 16 yr old son who has been in juvie several times and is a PUNK
i told my ex our son is not to go anyplace with this kid w/out supervision and that is final
to this day my son still knows i am his mother and i am the authority
he knows right from wrong and i voice my thoughts about what he does with his dad
he is nice to the gf and polite but knows MY RULES STAND
2007-03-05 22:25:43 · answer #7 · answered by elite_women_rule_the_rock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your life together,because until you do,you have no say in the matter.
You can do it,but your child may be a good incentive for you to "get it together".
2007-03-05 22:56:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋