Was/Is Jesus A Vampire?

Question

1. He spent some time in a cave (like a bat)
2. He is not too fond of crosses
3. He offered people eternal life if they drank his blood
4. It is said that he rose from the dead
5. He vanished into thin air
6. He could change shapes ("I am the door" and "I am the vine")
7. He could hypnotize people (what we translate as "passion" means intoxication or trance-like state)
8. Those who drank of his blood also lived in caves (Cappadocia?)
9. He compared humans to livestock, with him as their master (flock, shepherd, etc.)
10. Anne Rice wrote about him

Answer 1

I can't prove he wasn't, so he must have been (Christian logic)

Answer 2

I loved the way you put your questions (which website, by the way?). However, the way some of the christians answered showed me how stupid christians are, sorry!

Anyway, Jesus wasn't a vampire. As you probably know yourself, those things you mentioned about him aren't meant to be taken "literally". Mostly he was talking in "parables" because, apparently, he had many christians around him and we know how du-mb christians can get. Or maybe because there was a prophesy written about him in Psalms or Proverbs that he'd only open his mouth with parables; and reveal secrets that has been hidden from the beginning of the world. The rest of the things that didn't have to do with parables, has to do with the relationship God wanted to have with fallen human and the sacrifice Jesus has to pay for that to happen. Unlike Satan (the cunning lord of vampires?) who comes to "steal, kill and murder", jesus came to look after those that belong to him, for he is a good shepherd and a good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep (die in their stead), not drink their blood. But you probably know that already! ;)

Answer 3

Most certainly not the act of communion is in remembrance of his sacrifice and that he will return. Numbers 3,6and 9 are symbolic. Anne Rice is now a committed Christian. Maybe you should really read the Gospels and learn about the real Jesus instead trying to create a hostile reaction by blaspheming.

Answer 4

Yes, those who believe living in the truth seemed to have had the hatred sucked right out of them including their lying tongues.

Answer 5

They have a lot in common I guess. Never really thought about it. I guess the promise of eternal life is the ultimate method of mind control. It's worked wonders for many religions. Lots of people are afraid of there own mortality so they need to believe in deities.

Answer 6

*laughs* dude, I love you! You're the coolest person in the world! Now I can go taunt the Christians at my school who hate me that they're idolizing their worst nightmare!

Answer 7

Number ten sinched it.

No seriously, I hang out with Jesus after work sometimes. He's not a vampire, though I worry about his drinking lately. That's unrelated though.

Answer 8

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/history/jesus_1.shtml

http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/vampires/index.shtml

Blood, which is breakfast, lunch and dinner for vampires. As Dracula said, "The blood is the life."

Answer 9

This can't be a serious question. I guess if Jesus was really Vlad the Impaler, it would be possible, since that's where the vampire theory was born. But we all know that isn't true, right?

Answer 10

No He lived before Hollywood spread the vampire mythos.

But hey, if you have to work with early film emulsions and bedsheets for screens you would have lame story lines too.

Answer 11

DO NOT BARK LOVE CHILD
We Muslims believe, that Jesus was one of the mightiest messengers of God that he was the Christ, that he was born miraculously without any male intervention (which many modern-day Christians do not believe today), that he gave life to the dead by God's permission and that he healed those born blind and the lepers by god's permission. In fact, no Muslim is a Muslim if he or she does not believe in Jesus!