how do I re-gain my self confidence?

Question

I used to be ok with myself, my years of being put down by my family has made a toll on me. Recently I've notice a lot about me, I'm quiet alot, I tend to walk looking at my feet, I no longer feel the need to explain myself. I just feel blah....My communications professor told me I showed notice what I like about people and try them....( but isn't that biting)? I don't know...I just feel lost all of a sudden. I think I'm depressed but I'm not sad just ( Blah) like I do everything in such a routine that I just don't feel the need to even try. I feel like I lost my inspiration or fire inside me. I don't have that drive that once kept me going....Please help me....I don't know what to do? Everything that I once loved doing just doesn't seem right anymore....

About my family; I have a dysfunctional family who puts on a act on the world and each other. They belittle people with dreams because they only want them to be on top. I have been put down because "I don't fit their category of what a guy should be like, plus my dad is a single parent and we have little money. Unlike them, I just feel so tired of fighting for myself because no one believes me. I have been emotionally and verbally abused my aunts and relatives ever since I can remember. They destroyed me in every way they could. They go out of their way to ruin me. I don't know what to do because in the eyes of my dad and grandparents they are so nice and lovable but when they're gone thats when the **** talk happens. They say I'm gay, I'm too skinny, I'm too dark, I'm a psycho, a clepto and drug pusher...etc....I have a huge family but I feel so alone. I do what I am expected to do. I do what they say and nothing more. I have no voice and no life, controlled by them.

Answer 1

Go back and read your first sentence. You've got to get to the root of the problem. You can't just fix the symptoms like changing the way you walk. It't not going to last because the other problems/hurts are still there. What happened with your family? Have you forgiven them for the hurts they caused you? Have they forgiven you for the hurts you caused them? You cannot go further in life until all these things are made right. It will follow you wherever you go. ALso don't be too alarmed by the way your feeling. It sounds like you need to do some deep soul searching right now, and that is ok. There's a time in life for everything, and this just seems one of those times when you need to sit back and examine your life. Just make sure you keep in contact with friends and don't forget to enjoy life a little. Sounds like you could use a good laugh. It sounds like you've lost sight of the good things about life. What other areas could be making you feel this way? You say there is too much of a routine. So break the routine a little. Pick up a new hobby, take a road-trip with friends. Laugh a little. Shoot, laugh a lot. Laughter is a great way to experience life.

Wow. You don't happen to be Filipino by any chance...? just a wild guess. i am. I can see why you're feeling so "blah" now. It's the feeling of being powerless and that you're not being heard. This creates a feeling that you are not valued, or wanted, or fully loved. i totally understand what this is like. My family talked **** all the time especially all the "aunties" and "uncles". They don't realize it is hurtful/painful/damaging to us. they always compared the kids to each other. it sucked bad. i'm glad i got out of it. i had to leave and do my own thing for a while, but i never moved back. i'm 25 now. but some of my friends are still stuck with their parents and i feel bad for them. i also don't talk to them anymore unless its on my terms simply because they bring me down. I cannot stress the importance of breaking away from their rules and pressure and discovering who you are on your own terms. if you don't do this, you will never truly be an adult, or your true authentic self. you'll just be trying to fullfill someone elses expectations, when truly, you could probably do so much more if you did what made you happy. Don't let them have so much power over you. They will never understand this. To them, the way they treat you/talk about you is normal. But its not normal. Its killing you inside but nothing will make them stop. I'm so sorry to tell you this but you have to get away from them. Sometimes family is easier to get along with from a distance, esp when they don't lift you up or encourage you. But you can and still will need them in your life, you can't cut them off completely. THey are your family and they love you, its just they are so flawed like many families. If this cannot happen anytime soon (move out!) then work your *** off to make sure it does happen when you can and in the meantime try to stay positive!! you know who you are, you're a wonderful person on the inside, you're intelligent, and caring. you're not the "loser" they make you out to be. surround yourself with friends who support you and whom you can confide in. this is probably the most important and i'm sure you can find someone who feels the same as you do. you already did. me.

Answer 2

Something happened to you that you lost your self confidence. I would look for the root cause, and then go on from there. If you don't find the root of it then you don't know where to begin to build you self confidence.

I know it's not easy. But that is the only explanation I can give you. I hope it helps.

I am adding this on I just thought of it. Take a piece of paper and make 2 columns On the first column write all your good qualities, and all the good things you accomplished. The 2nd column should be your faults. I am sure that your good qualities will fill up the whole page, and make you realize your true value as a person. The hecks with what you family thinks. You know the truth.

Answer 3

Focus on what you want out of your life.

Write up an action plan for 5 years, and one for this year, then work towards each of your goals.

Aim for around 5 goals, so for example, number one could be complete my course with high grades, number two could be exercise three times a week. Under each of these put a small subtext of how you will achieve that particular goal, for example work hard for all my essays and start revising by May and so on.

Doing this will focus your mind on taking action toward targets and take you away from focusing on this daily routine. Once you do that your motivations should take a lift.

And walk with your head held up high, even if you don't feel like!

Answer 4

any sort of depression can be tide over by faith in GOD and sincere prayer.

Your prayer is from your heart. Further You must have to understood the fact that God is present in our heart. This can be realised in meditation. Further we are the creation of our own destiny. As per Hindu sacred religion, we carry all good and bad deeds life after life. There is no end unless we pray for unification of self with the divineliness.
Hence there is always a possible way to complete mergence with God in this life by a simple and wonderful meditation

Answer 5

wow u just described my entire life....u obviously have the confidence cause u managed to say all u did up there... ive been tryin to do that for a long time n i cant....i feel every single emotion u jus described ... and for a while i had no idea wat to do or where to go.. i always jus did wat ppl expected of me.... even my family cause ive been like this so long theyve stopped expectin anythin.... im takin a trip by myself ... goin to england.. no specific reason but i need to let myself know more than anyone else that i can do it and i wanna do it and i want my life back... i want my confidence.. my strength... i want who i used to be .. back !!!! and im gonna do it....for myself!!!! im gonna be spontaneous.. cause if i dont now... ill never get outta this rutt !! why dont u do somethin no one expects u to do and go through with it !!! not to prove anyone else wrong.. but to prove to urself ur stil alive n have it all still.............. wish me luck and good luck to u too dude !

Answer 6

I feel for you dude, so let's just screw what everyone thinks and start doing whatever we want to do dude. I mean, it's our life and like no one can really control us so...let's just do it!

Come on let's go conquer the world!

Answer 7

Try this site:

http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/