Soon to be single father cusody questions?

Question

My girlfriend and I are expecting in the fall. This is my first and her 2nd. The problem is that I have not been included into anything as far as the baby. She had to go to the ER and lied to me about it. She has distanced herself from me and I can live without her but not my baby. She quit her job, she has no insurance, she took 5 weeks to put in for state help with the new babies insurance to see a doctor. She has no car and lives at home. She and her first child sleep on couches. She also lives with a alcoholic father with a documented (multiple) history of violence. She has left her first child alone (20 mins) while she ran to do something while everyone else was upstairs asleep (child down stairs sleeping). I have my own car employment, apartment, insurance, and reliable people to watch baby when it arrives and Im at work My question is I know without a baby I can't fight for custody yet. But other than these things I have documented, what steps can I take to ensure I get custody?

I've tried the marriage route and was shot down. This baby was planned by the both of us. I don't want to exclude her from our baby. I dont want to do this out of spite. I have loved her as though she was my wife and her first child was my own. I would do anything for them and I do mean anything. I just see that somewhere I and this baby have taken a back seat and I see how she is doing with her first and dont want the same for our child. In my mind and heart I believe this baby would be better off with myself

Answer 1

The thing you need to remember is to DOCUMENT everything! Go talk to a lawyer that specializes in family law. Each state is different regarding the laws about children born to unwed couples. Be sure you are on the birth certificate.
An attorney will be able to advise you better, but be sure that you DOCUMENT every single thing.
Good luck!

Answer 2

I think you should fight harder to raise the baby together. Children need both parents, and although it sounds like your girlfriend could use a parenting class, I'm not hearing anything outrageous here that would preclude her entitlement to her child. I really believe that parents should fight harder to do this together for the children's sake. It's not about "who is the better parent," but "how can I teach her to be a better parent for the sake of OUR children." Can she move in with you, to protect your baby from the evil grandfather? Are you willing to try couples counceling?
Chances are slim that the court would give full custody to one parent over the other anyway. They want what's best for the child, so they will suggest trying to work it out too. In some states the counceling is mandatory. You might as well give it a shot.

Answer 3

depending on the state you live, you'd have to prove her to be unfit. not just "I think" info but documented facts must be presented. be prepared to spend alot of money and alot of time in court. It's going to be hard. Unfortunately, the doctors and courts have proven it to be best for a child to have the mother love and care for them.

if you do get custody, make sure there's someone to give the child what they need. meaning a female figure. dont replace the mom. that's not the idea.

document everything. everything. keep a journal.

IF what you say is true about the mom's neglect and putting the child in harms way or dangerous circumstances, well I've seen identical and the child now has mental illness and attachment disorders. it's pretty awful. nothing can replace the first 2 yrs of a childs life. they learn all their important attachments and trust. it's so important.

Answer 4

I know they are expensive, but your baby is worth it, go talk to a lawyer. One that specializes in family law and custody would be best. I used to work for my father who is a family law attorney, and he delt with a few of these types of cases. And from what you have said you would most likely gain custody after the baby was born. But you should get the ball rolling with an attorney, so the judge knows you were trying to be part of the pregnancy (and your ex gf doesn't turn things around on you). You will most likely have to take a paternity test, so dont be offended if you are asked to. Good luck with everything. And for the baby's sake I do hope you gain custody.

Answer 5

Well first AJ, you need to have a very serious conversation with your girlfriend centering around the fact that the child she is carrying will be born out-of-wedlock unless you two make the commitment to get married very soon. So, trying asking her to marry you, then go to your local courthouse for a marriage license and over to the Justice of the Peace for a marriage certificate. Take her father and your parents along as witnesses. There will be no question of custody of your child thereafter. Prove to her you'll be a good husband and father and convince her to start a new life with you both being together.

Answer 6

see an attorney now.. DON'T WAIT for the birth! you need to plan. custody of a newborn is TRICKY... you are REALLY going to need an attorney: that's what i'd be saving my money for right now...

DON'T take custody to avoid child support or to hurt the mother... ONLY go after custody if you truly feel you would be doing the best thing for that child! and remember, if you do get custody DON'T shut the mother out of the babies life or you will breed hatred in the child that will bite you in the bottom later in life!

Answer 7

From experiences I've seen, they have to find the mother to be terribly unfit. It would have to be something really major in order for most judges to take a child from the mother

Answer 8

Start by providing insurance coverage for the unborn child.

Answer 9

I think you are pretty much safe, I think you have everything you need. Good Luck and Congrats on the new baby