My mother in law wants us to come to her homefor Christmas...but whenever we go to her home she always wants me to cook something.I don't feel it's appropriate for her to ask me to get in the kitchen and cook 2 and3 side dishes when I'm at her house as a GUEST.She doesn't ask her other son's wife to cook...I know she's gonna ask again..would it be rude if I declined her "offer"?
2007-03-05 17:49:54 · 28 answers · asked by Direktor 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Sounds like you need an attitude check. YOu should be happy that she treats you like one of the family and likes your food. Christmas is all about giving, not about what you can get out of people (like being treated like a guest).
2007-03-05 17:53:20 · answer #1 · answered by IKB 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Cooking a big meal by yourself is quite a job. If you ever are the one to do the entertaining at Thanksgiving or Christmas you should know, only to well, all the work it is. I would never go to something like this without bringing a couple of dishes everyone likes, just to help the cook out. Actually, she must like your cooking and you to want your help, I would take it as a compliment. What ever you do in her home is still easier then having it at your home.
2007-03-06 02:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she likes to spend time with you the best out of the other wives.
What harm would it be to spend some time with your mother in law for an hour or so?
You are going to enjoy the meal too, you might as well help out.
I think with any family function everyone should help out, whether it is to help cook or help clean up after wards (please tell me you help to clean up).
Yes you are a guest in her home, but why not be more than a guest. You are all family.
Christmas is a long ways from now, and you are already dreading to help cook 3 side dishes?
I'm really sorry to say, but you are the only one that is sounding rude right now.
2007-03-06 02:13:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you drive to her house, rather than flying a long distance, etc., I'd say tell her in advance that you will make a couple of side dishes, freeze them and bring them along.
Considering yourself a "guest" at your mother-in-law's is probably just your opinion. She considers you "family" and probably likes for you to cook. So.....this is two sided. Do you really hate helping out that much?
Personally, I'd stay away from the whole gathering, rather than saying an outright "No".
I'm not taking your side, or Mom's, I see both sides and think you are stuck in a bad spot. But things could be far worse.
2007-03-06 02:13:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not say "no" to your mother in law about something like this. Maybe she trusts your cooking skill in the kitchen and that is why she asks you to help over the other daughter in law. I would take it as a compliment.
The only other thing is to make up an excuse to not show up at all....then you dont have to worry about cooking. But guest or not, she is family and thats just something that families do.
>.>
2007-03-06 01:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you would be terribly rude.. are you treating your mother in law like a caterer? She is FAMILY.. and asking you to pitch in and help make dinner shows that she considers you to be family too. Believe it or not.. it's a compliment that she wants you to help her! Maybe she just doesn't feel as close to her other daughter-in-law.. or else perhaps she's just a very poor cook!
At any rate, give her a hand making dinner.. Christmas is a big deal to cook for! And after dinner, pour Mom a glass of wine or a cup of tea and relax and have a drink with her while your husband and his brother clean up :)
2007-03-06 01:58:37 · answer #6 · answered by endorable 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It isn't rude to politely decline, especially if you can find a way to make it look like you had other plans for Christmas. But eventually you will have to deal witht the situation. If I knew I was going to be asked to cook, I would offer before the question could be raised and then try and pursaude my "sister-in-law" to help me.
2007-03-06 07:22:28 · answer #7 · answered by Ashleigh L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she really likes your cooking but either way you could probably ask ahead of time and then ask if you could bring something instead of having to go in the kitchen and cook. If she is in the kitchen with you maybe it's a time for you and her to share some quality time? Anyway, make the best of it and just bring a few dishes with you and say thank you for flattering you because she probably just loves your cooking and your husband probably does, too. :-)
2007-03-06 02:13:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, may be you don't like your mother in law, and likewise she is. Perhaps, no true dialogue that ever happen between you and your mother in law. conversation with "I-thou" relationship between you and her is what matter most with your question, that is you and her must foster a genuine relationship. For all mother need much attention from you specially, her new extension family member. May be i go far...But what i am telling you, is that it is not good to refuse your mother in law's offer. You must have an attitude that makes you see her true need or appeal to your subjectivity: she needs you as her new member of the family. Her way, however, of approaching your subjectivity doesn't fit to your taste.But just be with her. She has something to tell you.
2007-03-06 02:21:45 · answer #9 · answered by wonderer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must not take it badly. If she wants you to cook, obviously, she appreciates your culinary talents. I mean, is she rude to you when she asks you to cook? If not, do not take it as a punishment. Maybe you'd rather do other things than cooking. If your mother-in-law is not the typical sorceress, you should be able to strike a friendly conversation with her about it, what do you say?
2007-03-06 01:59:38 · answer #10 · answered by nellanya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does this happen?...You must be a Great Cook! Maybe it's hard for her to prepare dishes..ie. arthritis . Try teaching her the dishes you normally prepare and offer to help her with them.
If all else fails...ask your husband to bring it up with her! He needs to take a bit of responsibility here..Good Luck!
2007-03-06 01:57:48 · answer #11 · answered by ryan s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋