Girls Night, OK or NO?

Question

Ok, my best friend is 24 and her child is now 8 months old. Last month we decided we needed a "girls night" and when she came home she was in a HUGE fight with her boyfriend. He says she chose to have a family and that is where she should be at ALL times. Her parents agree with this and basically flipped out on her when she told them she had plans for a girls night this weekend. They all seem to believe she gave up her LIFE. Her boyfriend agreed to let her go after they had the huge last fight but he says will not be happy about it. Help please I gotta know is this what everyone believes? I am a mother of two and I see absolutely no problem with this and my boyfriend doesnt mind me going out. Mothers need time to relax and breathe, what good is a cranky stressed out mom ya know? Whats wrong with a couple drinks and a pack of girls having their girl-talk? BTW She encourages him to do the same but he just gives her a guilt trip and says he'd rather be with his family.What do u think?

Answer 1

We started our monthly girls nights back up when my friend and sister's baby hit 8-9 months old. They missed these and so did I. To accomodate their still wanting to put the babies to bed, we did start with girls afternoons out, so bedtime was covered.
He is so wrong on this. Yes she has a family, but she still needs some her time too.

Answer 2

I have a friend that will absolutely never go anywhere without his kids and I think it's unhealthy for the children. An 8 month old does not need his mother in the house after 9pm. What could possibly be the difference to the baby? I mean what is the real reason as pertains to being a parent? None.

What's wrong with the kids spending the weekend at grandma's? Or Aunt Sally's? So what's the difference if the kids are over there or if Aunt Sally is at the house watching them? Nothing.

Answer 3

My children were the most important things in my life. I gave up everything for them. I really didn't have much of a choice as my husband worked out of town all week and when he came home on the weekend he of course wanted to spend all his time at home with me and the babies. By the weekend all I wanted was a BREAK! But I never got one. Looking back I would do it all again for the sake of my babies, but it certainly took it's toll on me. I would have LOVED a girls night out. If for nothing more than dinner and a movie but I had no one who would babysit for me for something that frivolous and I really couldn't afford to hire a babysitter. So I say go for it girl and tell your husband it doesn't mean you love him or your baby less but you do think it will make you a better more relaxed mother in the long run. One thing though, don't betray his trust and don't come home drunk.

Answer 4

More then likely the boyfriend go mad after he realize how hard it is to take care of the baby with out the mother around and wined to her parents.

She needs to tell the boyfriend that he does NOT LET HER GO OUT. As adults they will discuss things and come to an adult choice.

She also needs to tell the boyfriend that if she is to stay home all the time then so is he. No working out side the home no leaving the baby for any moment no matter what, no taking a bath, no going to the bathroom with out the baby.

Why is it just her that is left holding the baby and not him 24/7 ?

Answer 5

I think that there needs to be an equal balance between family life and out-of-family life. Just because you spend time with other people, doesn't mean you love your family any less. Sometimes going out can really make you appreciate what you have at home. I think there may also be an insecurity factor or a jealousy issue, but I don't know enough about the situation to make an accurate judgement.

Answer 6

I'm like you i see nothing wrong with a girls night. Sometimes people just need to unwind and relax if itz a movie, or drinks, or a nice spa trip. Wanting to spend time with the family is great but it can not defind who you are. I love being a new mom but sometimes i just wanna go shopping without my one month old, just me and a friend and i should be able to do so without any major problems.

Answer 7

I think if your friend doesn't get out of the house once in a while she will go crazy. I think her boyfriend has already packed his bags to crazy town himself. I think it is a good thing this is not her husband and that if he continues to be so controlling he should never become her husband.

Now in his defense: most likely he has been hurt in the past and is afraid she is going to cheat on him or something like that. He may not tell her that though, because then he would look weak. And men hate that.

Answer 8

At 8 months mom deserves to get out once and a while. Heck at 4 months, I had a girls night with my friends...a few actually between 4 and 7 months....my husband was perfectly capable of taking care of the baby while mom was out and her boyfriend should be too....and as you stated in your question..he should be encouraged to go out with the boys sometimes too.

Answer 9

I'm playing devils' advocate, because something about this just bothers me. You seem awfully upset about your friends situation, and it should be between THEM. Not all your girls...not anyone's mama...between two grown-ups who have made a big enough committment that they've had a baby together.

I think it depends on the family. Both of them are being selfish and not considering the needs of EACH OTHER. He works all week and really wants to have some time as a family, she is with the baby all week and wants a break. That's not a guilt trip, those are his feelings! My experience has been that when girls go out, they totally complain about their men, their lives and their homes. No guy wants to think that she needs to get out to complain about him and disrespect him to all her friends. No woman would tolerate knowing her man was out disrespecting her with all his fellows.

I enjoy time away from my kids, but not to go out and drink and complain about my life. I usually am meeting with a nonprofit group to better the lives of my family and my community. It's just as fulfilling and gives me free time. My husband does NOT like to go 'out with the boys', which is awesome for me, because i'm not like half my friends who complain about their hubbies at bars, football parties, or fishing. He's here with us. He works all day and just wants to be with the people who love him.

I'll probably get a bunch of thumbs down for this, but it's okay. no one wants to stand up for the sanctity of relationships anymore (much less marriage) but you can't just consider it as an inconvenience when it gets in your way of a good time.

Answer 10

I totally agree with you.
Everyone need to change the daily routine.
Nothing wrong to meet friends from time to time. It might makes the person more relax and even improve the relationship in the family.