Trouble with my almost 3 year old son hitting, kicking and biting?

Question

My son will be 3 in May. He has a temper issue. Anytime something goes a little bit wrong, he throws an absolute fit. Thanks to some advice from here on Yahoo, the biting has almost completely stopped since the punishment became vinegar on his tongue. But when he gets mad he throws things or hits someone (or something) and will continue until he's punished. He isn't potty trained yet, and the worse is when we try to change his diaper or put on his pajamas. He'll get so mad sometimes that he'll scream and hit and kick. The kicking is what really gets me going, I have a hard time controlling my temper when he does it because he's hit us in the face and neck a few times. Usually I have to pin him down, which he hates, but then he just screams and spits and tries to bite.

I have tried everything I can think of. Our usual punishment for acting up is timeout. But once he gets there he hits the wall, or spits some more and screams. It's not working. I don't want to hit him, I feel too bad

We've tried potty training to see if that helps the diaper-change issue, but it's still in early stages and I'm not sure it'll stick. He's getting good at pooping in the toilet, but I can't seem to get him to pee in it yet.

Answer 1

Is his speech okay? Have you had him evaluated or brought up these problems with his pediatrician? Almost always the hitting, kicking, biting, etc. is because a toddler doesn't know how to effectively communicate their needs, wants and feelings. They go directly to the most primitive form of communication and get physical. So, I would start with the basics to rule out any underlying problems... is his vocabulary up to where it should be? If not or even if so, have you had his hearing checked to make sure he is hearing all that he should be? Sometimes hearing problems can go unnoticed and creat communication barriers for children. Have you tried telling him (when he's calm, not when he's already upset) that it's NOT acceptable to hit/kick/bite people and then offer him some other ways to show how he's feeling... and explain why we must be nice to people. I like to have these types of talks with my toddler in the car. She is a captive audience then - she's strapped in and has no option but to listen to what I have to say! :) A lot of times when my toddler daughter would start to throw a tantrum like you describe I would start to lose my temper too... but the best thing to do in that case is to simply get up and walk away. As long as the child is in a safe area - just get up and walk away. It's hard not knowing your child.... you see, with my daughter, what sometimes works is when I get up and walk away, I will just go and start doing the dishes and completely ignore the tantrum. That way we are both getting a break from eachother and I am still getting something accomplished with MY time. Often times she will then come to me and say she needs help and I ask her if she is ready to let me help her and we go from there (also at three he should be starting to get dressed by himself - have you tried just saying, "here are your pj's...put them on so we can go read a bedtime story!" ). The other thing that works great with my daughter is.... whenever she gets upset and starts to go into a tantrum.... We tell her, "You may go to your room and cry and come out when you are feeling better." This gives her the illusion of having total control over the situation yet gives our ears a break. The only rule to this is she knows she must closer her door behind her (we have a small house and her wails can get pretty loud). I don't think she's ever stayed in there longer than 5 minutes and she comes out sniffing and saying she's sorry (even if we have to ask for the aplogy)..... Okay, wow, I just wrote a ton of stuff... Sorry... Hope I helped somewhat..... Oh! And one last thing - my advice is go to easy on the potty training issue for now. Let him work on these other anger management things first and just ignore the potty issue as much as possible. And one more thing, I promise this is the last idea.... ha! Does he have opportunities to let out his aggression physically throughout the day? Does he go to preschool and get out on the playground to run around, hop, skip and jump? He may be in need of some "burn time" for all that extra energy he has. My daughter loves the little "punching bag" we bought as room decor for my new sons' room. You know the kind... inflatable with a weighted bottom that you punch down and they pop back up? Maybe try one of those and then you can say, "It is NOT okay to hit ME! If you feel you need to hit, you may hit your bopper-thingy (whatever they are called - ha!) and come back to me when you are calm........ Just ideas..... Hope this helped in some way..... Good Luck!

Answer 2

Have you tried behavior modification. Positive reinforcement?
Maybe setting up some goals and putting it on display and reinforcing positive behavior with, you can do something special.

When he does something like throw a toy well he loses that toy. He can have it back when he earns it.

Set up a
M T W T F S S
Goal One
Goal Two

Get some stickers when he gets say five stickers he gets a toy back or he gets something special. ex. mom or dad takes him somewhere or mom and dad rent a movie. Something easy and simple.
Use simple, concise sentences.
The goals have to be positive for example don't say:
Johnny won't kick when he is mad
instead
Johnny will tell mommy and daddy when he is mad

And, its not punishment, punishment is hitting, spanking ect.
Give Consequences, time outs, losing a toy

The consequences have to be natural and logical, so if he throws a toy, he loses it
Be consistent, if you say that every time he kicks he goes for a time out use it every time. Don't give him a time out then the next time send him to his room.
Make sure that everyone is doing the same thing.
Kids love knowing what is going to happen. There are lots of sites on the internet to make charts for rewards. Ideas ect.

I took all this in school and if you need anymore help email me. Good luck

Answer 3

Ok I am sorry no one has answered this ?. I have the same problem with my soon to be four year old and have for awhile. Talk to his Dr about this problem first and foremost he might have a em balance somewhere, Then ask to see a child counselor if the Dr doesn't have a answer, she/he should know a good one. You have to ignore the problem, put him in an area that he can't hurt himself or you. Try putting him in his room and take everything out. Shut the door and hold it closed for a little bit until he comes down so he knows that you won't put up with the behavior. OK now I know that people are going to go crazy over that, but it is called Magic One Two Three and it works go to your library and look it up. This program has been around for awhile and my County Nurse told me to do it and it works. I hope that with age he comes down I know mine did a little. Good luck and email me if you have anymore ?s about it Going through it with you

Answer 4

Children at his age have temper issues due to health conditions or they are trying to express themselves. Some children act out due to stress. Even though he is 3 he could be experiencing this. Has there been any major changes in his life? Have you contacted you pediatrician about this? If you haven't I think that's the the best thing to do. He needs a well exam to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with him. If there is nothing physically wrong with him, your doctor will be able to give you resources that you can look into that pertain to controlling aggressive behavior. I know for a fact that some children do NOT respond to spanking, time out, or other methods of punishment, even if you stand firm. I will say that you need to act on this asap. If this issue is not address and handled it will get worse and harder to control as he gets older. PLEASE CALL YOUR PEDIATRICIAN!

Answer 5

Thank goodness this question is still open! You are describing my son exactly!!! I have recently found something called Calms Forte by Hyland's www.hylands.com it is sold in drugstores (Walgreen's is where I bought it) It is designed for sleep, however I have been cutting the dose in 1/2 and giving it to him like (Less frequently too!) that and it has worked wonderfully!!! I now know that something is out there to help! I know that it is one of the ingredients (They are all natural) in it that works so I am going to take it to the Herbal shop and talk with them to see what to give him....I am pretty certain it is the chamomile.

I hope this helps!!!
Trust me I live it every day!

Email me sometime, I am sure we would have a lot of similar stories!

Answer 6

first is to check him faster before he starts into a fit, you need to ask him to do things, simple tasks throw this in the garbage, pick that up and reward or discipline on that behavior, as for the throwing you need to take things away, toys, tv, treats ect.
and keep your calm kids react to emotions! it will take them a couple of weeks to calm down but they will if you will.

Answer 7

be cool and watch him reagurly and explain him his mistakes.