How can I tell my daughter about her horses death?

Question

My horse andie had to be put down last week after a severe injury. He got his hoof caught in the gate on his paddock and struggled all night. When I came out the next day I found him standing in the field on three legs. He ripped his right fore hoof off, we found his hoof later. We had to put him down. Now the problem is he was my 5 yr olds horse. We haven't told her yet that he is dead, we keep telling her he is in the field when we go to the ranch. How can we tell her what happened?

Answer 1

i think u should tell ur 5yr old that the horse is dead but like make it fun....... by giving a funeral for that horse like bury his fav things. and play a horse song and at the end , say sum good things about it example" we had a great time in winsconson" or sumthing.

Answer 2

There are two schools of thought on this - one is tell 'em the truth, and the other is break it to 'em gently. I am of the second opinion, especially considering the age of the child.

You might want to start by casually mentioning a couple of times over a period of days something about animals not always being around, or something about them dying, that none of them live forever, etc. I mean this if your daughter is not really firm with the fact that animals die. When you've established this, you need to gently tell her that you have something sad to tell her, and sit her down and tell her that andie got sick and died. I wouldn't go into any details that would cause her to envision the horse struggling or suffering, so you are going to have to decide exactly what to say. Try to anticipate what she would ask so you can have a calming answer for her. I'm sure she will be sad, so make sure you spend time with her and talk to her as much as she wants about the horse. She is really young, though, and although she will be upset [which will upset you - I'm a mommy too], she will get over this.

Answer 3

However you say it, you need to always make sure that your answer is always given to your child at their level... If they are very young, they dont need to know how it happened, or that you had the horse put down.. She may only need to have the circle of life explained to her, and you tell her how the horse completed its cycle. If you are religious, you can also add that the horse is up with god now.

Children dwell of certain details when they are told bad news. She may suffer sleep deprivation or nightmares if you go into details.

If she was very close to the horse, you may suggest that she can arrange a memorial service for the family to attend. I know this sounds strange, but it will give her a sense of responsibility, and will allow her to focus on picking flowers for the service, making a poster with drawings of the horse, etc etc etc.

Also, just a note, it isn't a good idea to replace an animal that has passed with a new animal straight away. That is how children develop 'replacement' issues... If they think that everything can be replaced, it will one day make the passing of a grandparent or
someone irreplaceable that much harder.

Good luck, I know its terrible news to deliver.

Answer 4

Don't lie to your daughter, even at 5 years old she will feel worse if you do that. Tell her the truth and be there when she cries. Tell it just like it happened and how much pain the horse was in and the reasons why it had to be put down. Kids are just like you, except they are uneducated. Kids are smart and want to be like their parents.
When I was 5 I lived with my mom and her Father. They never talked to me like I was a child, they treated me as an equal. If she cries, comfort her. Tell her what happened in the same way you would want to be told. Your honesty will be remembered for the rest of her life.
Also, don't dwell on it for a long time. Life goes on and I'm sure she will have another horse that she will love as much as the one that is gone.
By the way, I love horses too! Be kind and caring...and everything will be fine...

Answer 5

Don't lie to her. Tell her the truth applicaple to her age level. She needs to know both the meaning of honesty and also the importance of loss and grieving.

Although a tough decision on your part, this very event may help her handle and deal well with other heartaches that may come in her life later on in different ways.

Besides, she will also learn what it is to be consoled. Have faith in your ability to support her through this tough time, as I am sure you all are grieving.

Sorry for the loss. It's tough to lose a loved one in the form of a Horse/Pet. I know their part of the family just like the rest.

Answer 6

If shes young you can tell her your horse went some where really far away and won't come back.

Or

If shes old enough to understand, you should tell her.

" If you don't want to slip up tomorrow, speak the truth today " - Bruce Lee

Answer 7

I've said this before and it happens to be true,children are smarter and stronger than we give them credit for,be honest,but gentle with her,naturally leave out the gorey details, she'll surprise you.

Answer 8

If you aren't going to tell her the truth because your are afraid it will hurt her, then tell her he ran off, and you can't find him. I know that isn't much better, but you will not be having to explain how or why he died.

Answer 9

be honest maybe not with all the gory details but tell her what happened. yah she'll be sad maybe even crushed but it's better for her to find out from u then someone else.

Answer 10

Do not lie. Tell her the that her horse had an accident and keep it simple.