the rehearsal dinner. They expect me and my mom to pay for everything else. I can't afford it whatsoever. I'm struggling with paying for my bride's maids dresses or helping them pay for them. I think if they want to be "traditional" in that way, they should go by the books and pay for everything else...OR help with whatever they can. Any advice? or suggestions?!
2007-03-05 16:13:56 · 21 answers · asked by Bride2Be 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Also, we are both doing the best we can to contribute, my mom is a single mom and is doing her best to help us out too.
2007-03-05 16:27:08 · update #1
TECHNICALLY:
Traditional Breakdown of Expenses
Printable version - click here
The Bride's Family/bride
Wedding Gown, Headpiece & Accessories:
Wedding Ring for Groom
Wedding Gift for Groom
Bridesmaid Gifts
Bridesmaid Bouquets
Grandmother Corsages
Ceremony/Reception Flowers
Altar Baskets/Arches
Canopy/Carpet
Kneeling Bench/Candleabrahs
Rented Items for Wedding
Rented Items for Reception
Invitations/Announcements
Wedding Programs
Napkins/Matches/Printed Items
Church Fee
Musician/Soloist
Reception Hall Fee
Wedding Photography
Video Photography
Orchestra/Band/DJ
Wedding Cake
Wedding Favors
Bridesmaid's Gowns-maids
Groom’s Parents/Groom
Wedding Ring for Bride
Wedding Gift for Bride
Groomsmen/Usher Gifts
Bride's Bouquet
Mother's Corsages
Groom's Boutonniere
Groomsmen Boutonnieres
Usher's Boutonnieres
Marriage License
Clergyman/Officiant Fee
Groom's Cake
Rehearsal Dinner
The Grooms Family
Bachelor Party
Limousine Service
Honeymoon Arrangements
2007-03-05 16:37:25 · update #2
This question was a bad idea all you guys think that we are planning some elaborate wedding and what not when thats not the case at all....so I'm sorry I asked this question. I will just give them this list I found on wedding etiquette and who pays for what.
2007-03-05 16:43:09 · update #3
OK first of all, that is all my in laws paid for, and that is all that wedding etiquette says they have to do. Second, your bridesmaids should be buying their own dresses. Third... what happened to couples being responsible for their own expenses. My advice is not to plan a wedding that you can't pay for with cash! My husband and I footed the bill for our wedding... including the lodging of our guest. Maybe you and your fiance should consider having a private, destination wedding. They are often much less expensive and just as formal and intimate. It saved us thousands of dollars!!!
Good luck and best wishes.
2007-03-05 16:40:54 · answer #1 · answered by mrslang1976 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally the grooms parents do pay for the rehearsal dinner and that is it. While brides family takes care of the rest. This is no longer the norm. I suggest your groom talks to his parents and see if they are able to contribute to the wedding in addition to the rehearsal dinner. Also talk to your family and see what they can can contribute. Their is no rule that says both families need to contribute the same amount. It is what the families can afford and are willing to pay. If they are not willing to contribute more than the dinner then take what you can get. People contributing to the wedding is a gift. work with the budget you have and plan a wedding with in your means. If you want to spend more than the money people are contributing it's time for you and your fiance to have long engagement and start saving.There is no need to break the bank or cause tension. Also you are not required to buy or pay for part of your bridesmaids dresses.
My fiance's parents are only paying for the rehearsal dinner. My family helped a little. But it wasn't near enough for the wedding I wanted to have. I wasn't willing to compromise on my dream wedding so my fiance and I will have been engaged a year and a half the day of our wedding. Each week we both save money from our pay checks .We are both full time students and we aren't rich, and we will be paying for 90% of our wedding.
2007-03-06 00:43:08 · answer #2 · answered by Mz. J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think both sets of parents and the bride and the groom should all pay for the wedding costs. If one family can't afford to pay, and the other does not have the means or does not offer to pay the rest (not forced, if they are willing) Then the bride and groom should pick up the whole tab.
But, ultimately I think both sets of parents should offer something to the bride and groom. I couldn't imagine a parent not wanting to help their child have a nice wedding (unless, the financial situation is very tight). Even if one family offers to pay for the whole thing, the other future in laws so ask to split the bill instead. It's the polite thing to do.
2007-03-06 00:30:28 · answer #3 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? Are you still living with your mother? Is your future husband living with his parents?
If you are on your own -- working, paying your own bills, maybe even living with your fiance', then the wedding expenses are you and your fiance's responsibility. This is the 21st century, not 1882. If you can't afford a traditional wedding, don't have one! The most important thing is vowing to share your life with someone, not what kind of cake you will have or if you can afford a couture gown. Chuck the big plans and elope, then have a party (not a 'reception') when you get back so that your family and friends can celebrate with you. You won't get as many gifts that way, but that's not what is supposed to matter anyway.
Aloha :)
2007-03-06 04:17:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are trying to be traditional, that is usually all the groom's family pays for is the rehearsal dinner.
Why are you paying for the bridesmaid dresses? That's not your responsibility, although it's nice of you to think of your friends. But if they're close enough to be in your wedding, they're close enough to know you can't afford to pay for everything.
It's unfair of you to "expect" your future in laws to pay for anything at all. Any help they give you is a gift, and it would be rude if someone expects a certain amount.
Look into ways to make your wedding cheaper. This is how my husband and I had our wedding ($3,600 total) along with a reception at a 5 star restaurant, with 80 guests:
We got married on a Friday evening. If we got married on Saturday, the restaurant would have charged us $1800 to rent the room and a $10,000 minimum (and the rental fee would not be included in that minimum). Having the reception in the same room on a Friday evening meant no rental fee and no minimum.
Our DJ also cut their price by 75% since it was a Friday.
We ordered flowers through Sams's Club and my bridesmaids and family helped make the centerpeices. We bought vases from Michael's that were normally $4 each, marked down to $1 each. (The planner at the restaurant even asked which florist we went through because she was so impressed by the centerpieces--making them yourself doesn't have to mean they look cheap).
Find ways to fit the wedding more to your budget, but don't expect certain people to give large sums of money. It's really not your parent's responsibility to pay for your wedding.
2007-03-06 00:35:21 · answer #5 · answered by It's Me 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, this is your wedding.... realistically, you and your soon to be husband will be on your own, you guys should be the ones shelling out for it. So scale down everything you want. Choose a smaller amount of people to attend, cheaper place. To go by the "books" the bride's parents are the ones who pay. If you really want to go by the books, your parents should be shelling out a dowry.
So get over it, tweak your wedding to a budget that say you could afford. And anything more than what you have done will be extra money for a little bit more luxury (i.e. favors, accessories for a bride, up your honeymoon).
1.) Tailor your bridesmaids dresses (Pick out the fabric from a wholesale fabric store, pick up the pattern, and find a dressmaker)
2.) Bigger isn't necesarily better. Keep it small for immediate family.
3.) Pick a spot that has a special meaning for you and your fiance.
Good luck...
2007-03-06 00:29:14 · answer #6 · answered by ash 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Traditionally, the grooms family only pays for the rehearsal dinner and the bride's family pays for everything else. This is the traditional way to do it. However, most women used to get married very young and most of us came from a two-parent household. There is no reason for your Mom to pay for everything. Whatever she, you and your fiance cannot pay for might have to be skipped. It would be nice if his family helped but apparently they do not want to. That is too bad.
Everytime I have been a bridesmaid, I have paid for my own dress.
2007-03-06 05:58:22 · answer #7 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if the wedding isn't until December you have plenty of opportunity to BUDGET the wedding within your means. Extravagance may be something you need to reconsider! A wedding can be "budgeted" yet still amazing.....ie making decorations, table setting, etc. The new "traditional" wedding is BOTH the new bride and groom paying for the wedding. I hope this helps and congratulations to the both of u!!!
2007-03-06 00:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by Papi G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be interested to know where you got your "breakdown" list. Traditionally, the grooms family pays for rehearsal dinner, booze for the reception, and flowers in some cases. I do have a vital question for you..........are you and your fiancee living together right now? If yes, then you really should be paying for the ceremony yourselves, and I think it is generous of your future in laws to be paying for the rehearsal dinner, and your mom to help where she can. My suggestion is to plan a wedding within your budget.
2007-03-06 10:40:40 · answer #9 · answered by Lynny K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! They should be helping you out a bit more, shouldent they? The ''tradicional way'' really is for the father of the groom to pay for the dinner, and the brides mom to pay for the wedding dress and bridsmaids dresses. I think you should ask the bridsmaids for the money in a kind way and say thatnobody is helping you, and say how much you appreaciate it. I hope you have a great wedding
2007-03-06 01:35:08 · answer #10 · answered by ♥Hánnàh♥ [Hysteria] 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋