When i fall asleep i dream i'm with u,
But when i wake up realize i miss u,
All really wanna do boo is jus kiss u,
Then I wake up realize i got some issues,
I dont think feel the same its jus causin pain,
baby understand the hearts not a game,
when we did starts thought our hearts was the same,
I feel so stupid but cant help what feelings came,
sometimes just wish that u could feel the same,
I know u prolly jus tell your friends he jus a lame,
So tell why when i dont talk u get so mad,
Cuz if we were together i would be so glad,
Sorry your last boyfriend did u so bad,
Gotta tell u im better than what u ever had,
I never wanna be the dude that jus makes u sad,
So if u shed a tear jus know im right here,
2007-03-05 15:11:53 · 13 answers · asked by Ya Boy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
LOVES IT!
2007-03-05 15:14:30 · answer #1 · answered by †If he only knew† 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two thumbs up for writing how you honestly feel. I see that this peom was spontaneous. You threw you inner most feelings on a page and turned it into art. I love it! You do need a little polishing though, but congrats. 1 to 10 you got a 9
2007-03-05 15:17:16 · answer #2 · answered by joyfullycute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i ve been writing poems considering the fact that i grew to become into in 8th grade, so for extra or less 5-6 years now. i admire poetry. i like to study it and write it. ive under no circumstances seen merchandising it or getting it printed 'reason i dont understand the superb suited human beings. i in basic terms have approximately 4 notebooks crammed with them. i in basic terms shop them, possibly to study in my previous a while. i write, possibly a week or so. i write approximately puzzling circumstances, courting issues, each and on a daily basis struggles- each and every thing.
2016-09-30 06:26:57 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's horrible..you use the same type of word to rhyme, you're trying to lyricle miracle it, and that won't work when you are trying to write something deep. Also, hard to read if you write 'u' for you, so when you put it on paper try to write it out, and I think this is the wrong section lol.
2007-03-05 15:18:54 · answer #4 · answered by A_2__the__E__Adrenaline 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U got talent. that was real good keep it up, now if u wanna make it extra better add more detail like, why u love her and what u love about her, like in my last poem "chocolate brown eyes,skin smooth as gravy, I wanna love you but u continue to slay me, I just wanna know "what did i do wrong baby....." Add more detail about her
2007-03-05 15:19:32 · answer #5 · answered by LadyPureDee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good effort. Nice poem too. Concentrate a bit more onthe grammar and the spellings, though.
2007-03-05 15:16:39 · answer #6 · answered by Subhasis G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Last line:
"And I will take away all your fear."
Not bad, try not to rhyme with the same word.
2007-03-05 15:15:44 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. of Situational Psychology 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good enough to charm the ladies
2007-03-05 15:16:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
really charming..it s gonna charm someone someones heart..good luck.
2007-03-05 15:17:46 · answer #9 · answered by biker_gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, that was great!
2007-03-05 15:18:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
awwwwwwwww dats sooooo cute!!!!
2007-03-05 15:14:44 · answer #11 · answered by numba_1_babii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋