me and my boyfriend have been dating for 4 years and lived together for the past 2 years. i want to marry him and we've talked about an engagement for the past year but nothing has happened. the last time i brought it up, he denied the conversation ever happened. im beginning to feel like hes stringing me along till i forget the engagement all together. i love him very much but i dont think he wants to marry anone at all. should i drop the subject of marrage for another time? or should i let him go?
2007-03-05 14:55:38 · 36 answers · asked by Jenny G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Don't be clingy, and let him know you want a future with him, but if he doesn't he has to let you know. After this you will know if he is stringing you a long or not.
2007-03-05 15:05:48 · answer #1 · answered by Carlene W 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation. We've been dating for 5 1/2 years, living together for 3 of those. I was ready after living together for a year he wasn't. I gave him the time. We did have the serious sit down talk, and yes he tried very hard to avoid it. I told him that I wanted to get married and have kids and if he wasn't wanting the same things then we needed to address that. He didn't comment much that night but i could tell he knew I was serious. I didn't give him a time limit inwhich he had to make up his mind. Honestly, I know that we are good for each other and thinking that if we seperated because I was ready and he wasn't was not a good thought. 3 months after that talk he proposed (3 days ago). Come to find out he had the ring when we had that talk. And I didn't have a clue. It will probably be a couple years before we make it down the isle (if he has his way) but you just have to ask yourself do you love him enough to want to be with him through good times and bad - or do you just want to get married. Don't get me wrong - it's hard to wait so long. But it will be worth it in the end. *****And everyone is so excited when you finally break the news****
2007-03-05 15:37:53 · answer #2 · answered by scentsbyshannon 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Blokes don't liked to be nagged!
If you seem like your nagging them to do something they run a mile and do the opposite.
That's a FACT!
He obviously loves you to bits and to most blokes a long term relationship and sharing a house is an incredible commitment - Your quite lucky.
Try reverse psychology.
Act completely uninterested. He may think he is loosing you and propose out of desperation to keep you but if he is equally uninterested this is how you find out if he is stringing you along.
Alternatively you could tell him some gorgeous bloke at work had commented that he couldn't believe your still not married and that if you were with him he would of dragged you down the aisle ages ago - Make him jealous! - It might work!
Or propose to him - Who says he has to ask you. Maybe hes scared - make it special and insure him that you are the best possible girl for the job as his wife.
Finally - Leave him! - As they say there are plenty of fish in the sea and they do not all have commitment phobias.
Even Bridget Jones got her man in the end - It takes a while but they (men) figure it out eventually!
Good luck Hun! x
2007-03-05 20:30:31 · answer #3 · answered by carlyjayne 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum: Either he stop stringing you on and propose, or you'll leave.
However, you might want to consider the idea that he might be trying to save enough money for a ring. If the conversation happened a long time ago, however, then, I would say that he is just stringing you on.
Give him the ultimatum, and see how he responds.
If you want marriage, and he doesn't, then the two of you do not have a future together.
The two of you have been together a long time. If he were interested in marrying you, he should have proposed by now.
Talk to him, and find out what is holding him back.
After doing all of this, decide whether you want to stay or go.
2007-03-05 15:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Catherine♥ 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Interesting question. How does your boyfriend feel about marriage? Has he mentioned that he wants to marry you? After four years, one would think that he might decide on whether or not he wants to get married. Now, I am not a big fan of ultimatums, but you have to come around at a certain point and ask where the relationship might be going.Stand firm and tell him how you feel. Don't beat around the bush. You can't make someone love or marry you. Do you want to marry this guy? If you don't, then by all means cut him loose and find someone who wants to be with and marry you. Good luck.
2007-03-05 15:03:00 · answer #5 · answered by rotorhead911 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can answer this questions for you...Men like to do he pursuing, and let's face it we women like to play a little hard to get. You can no longer play a little hard to get because you moved in with him and have been playing house for the last two years. He can't feel the need to pursue you if he already has you in his home everyday. He probably feels that the need to get married isn't quite as important as you obviously do; after all why fix something that isn't broke. If you truly love him, I wouldn't mention marriage or engagement anymore, just enjoy your living arrangement. Moving out at this point would probably ruin your relationship beyond repair. He certainly is not going to want to marry a woman that doesn't love him enough to live with him regardless of a ring or not. You put the cart before the horse, and now you are just going to have to live with it and wait it out.
2007-03-05 15:54:48 · answer #6 · answered by MegMaher 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How old are you both? It depends on a number of factors for a guy rather than just an 'I love her' feeling. Maybe he doesn't feel as though he is financially or emotionally ready to make the commitment yet. I'm thirty and still not marrying till I can provide a decent life for my future wife and children. If you love someone you want them to live a happy life with you and feeling secure is part of that. I would rather my girlfriend left me for another man than had to live in poverty with me forever, because I want her to have a good life.
2007-03-05 15:37:08 · answer #7 · answered by SR13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Me and my future sister-in-law have both been in similar situations. For her, they lived together for a couple years and they knew that they loved each other and wanted to be together but for some reason he hadn't asked her yet. She brought it up many times and nothing ever happened. So, finally one day she said, we're getting married or I'm gone. The only problem with doing something like that is, he may say bye. Not because he doesn't love you and want to spend the rest of your lives together, but because you said it like that. Now for me, we only dated for 9 months when our jobs gave us a very good opportunity to live together. Now for me, this was a huge step! And when that happened, I was ready for the ring. I knew if I could move in with him, then I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. We talked about it and it didn't take him very long to propose. Now obviously, this isn't your case. But, what I'm saying is you have two choices. Give him the ultimatum or just give him the time he needs. But, think very hard before you give him the ultimatum. You need to think about rather you can live without him or not. I hope it all works out for you!
2007-03-05 15:14:16 · answer #8 · answered by warriorchic84 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are in love more than he is, unless he is scared of marriage for some reason. I would say that if you are wanting to get married and he has no intentions then maybe its time to move on, as hard as that seems, it may be the only way, but then again if you sit down and tell him how you feel maybe he will realize how serious you are. Sometimes people take their significant other for granted.
2007-03-05 15:08:55 · answer #9 · answered by shelly63795 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why do you want to get married?
You have found someone you love enough to want to share the ups and downs of the rest of your life with and yet you talk about splitting up with him if he won't propose.
Marriage is about making a commitment to loving one person for ever no matter what. Not about showing off to your friends with a big do and a frock. Nothing is stopping you making that commitment you just do it without the frock. Decide what is improtant to you - a permanent and supportive relationship or cake.
2007-03-08 06:12:49 · answer #10 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him time!
I know people who got engaged after 6 years of dating.
Just because someone has not proposed withing 5 years does not mean he does not want to marry you!
Heck, maybe he's shopping around for a ring and wants to surprise you.
2007-03-06 06:05:52 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋