I love my ex-BF very much. We're great friends and my current boyfriend hates our friendship. My ex and I have been friends for 15 years. Am I really supposed to just dump my friend just because my bf says so?
2007-03-05 14:51:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By the way, I've been with my current boyfriend for nearly 4 years.
2007-03-05 14:56:36 · update #1
I'm going through this right now, as in last night!!! I am friends with my ex, whom I dated for 3 years and been apart from for 5 years. It just so happend than I relocated to his state a few years back and NOTHING has ever happened. I am on my 2nd long-term relationship here while in this state, so its not like I'm stuck and can't move on. I have no family or real friends here except for him and his family who I've known for almost as long as I've known him. I've spent major holidays w/ these people; w/o them I'd be alone on Xmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, etc. Then here comes this guy. I tell him up front (it's a hard pill to sallow for some people) and he tells me he's a "little possessive" all on the 1st date!! (so at least we warned each other) To make a long story shorter, we have problems. I stay w/ him but I'll keep my apt until the lease is up. I agreed to reduce the freguency of the calls since he had a problem w/ it b/c I told him I wasn't dumping my friends for a guy. Talking to my other guy friends are fine, just not the one I used to screw. One day, he saw the guy's name a few times in my call log (he didn't even ask the circumstances) things got REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD. So, I knew from that day being open & wanting to talk things out didn't matter & there really was no compromising in the end. Outta sight outta mind, so I started erasing the call entries. He figured it out and asked me. I admitted it and then he asked to see my phone records. He makes me feel like he doesn't trust me. I have told him OVER and OVer and OVEr and OVEr and OVER and OVER AGAIN that I don't want the dude. Even if he did, it wouldn't matter cuz I'd cut that **** off so quick!! It just prolongs the inevitable. This is the only glaring problem we have. He wants me to cut the family members off too. So now I'll have no one but him... This friend? He lives 40 minutes from me and hasn't been to my house in over a year. He says I stay far. He doesn't invite me to go out. We just talk. That alone makes it somewhat easy to lose him, I just don't want my bf to make me choose. I don't want to resent him for it. It boils down to if this friend is really that good of a friend to keep and that you just can't lose or if this boyfriend can realistically become your husband. You make the choice. What ever you do, stick with your decision.
Prioitize your goals and objectively analyze your relationships. You may realize you don't need either for different reasons.
Make sure that if you do give up the silver, you're doing so for the gold.
2007-03-06 07:41:35 · answer #1 · answered by coama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer to your question is no. Adult relationships require a basis of reality. Things dont work out intimately between some people, and they become friends. It's just the way the world works. You have obviously weighed the pros and cons of continuing a relationship with your ex, and if you see him socially, I could see why this would be a little difficult for your current boyfriend. You should speak to both of them. Decide which is more important to you. You can try to be diplomatic, but in the end, your current boyfriend will always wonder if you are sneaking off to the arms of your ex. Friends are few and far between. Find a man who accepts your meaningful friendship with your ex. life is to short to be unhappy.
2007-03-05 14:59:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you accept someone into your life you take it all. baggage, kids, exes, pet visitation... if you can get to 40 with even a few long term friends that have known you through "it all", then you are lucky. what i'm saying is that long term friends are pretty valuable. as long as the old relationship is really dead, then friends are ok. your new bf have any goofy friends that you don't like? if so, then he gets the same freedom. just because you two are together shouldn't mean you get to choose who the other can see, or have made past friendships with. it also does not mean that you have to hang out with "goofy friend", or he has to hang with you and the old bf; but something tells me he'd want to be there because of jealousy.
that's a whole other ballgame...you trust or you don't. if you do trust, then until something breaks it, all is well. if you don't, then you are not going to be happy, and it is unlikely that anything is going to change your mind.
2007-03-05 15:08:58 · answer #3 · answered by gramatron 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to admit this could cause awkwardness between you and the new guy.
You guys need to discuss this calmly n rationally without yelling or screaming or making assumptions. Find out if he's had problems in the past with infidelity (which is what it sounds like). If he has, be patient at first, but let him know that you have done nothing to lose his trust (if in fact you haven't) and that you are not like his exes. Good luck !
2007-03-05 14:57:02 · answer #4 · answered by miamigirl_6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a jealous boyfriend. If you have been friends with this person for 15 years, whether you dated or not, nobody can expect to just walk in and make you cut off all contact with him. If he can't trust you with other people, then why are you two in a relationship?
2007-03-05 14:56:21 · answer #5 · answered by D L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend still talks to his ex...and I gotta be honest, I don't like it too much...it's not because I think he'll do anything, but it's how she is, and she always talks crap about my boyfriend and calls him when she wants something or needs help with her car, and it was how she broke up with him for another guy and HOW she did it...
you should talk to your current boyfriend and find out why he doesn't like your relationship with your ex...do you maybe spend a lot of time talking to/hanging out with your ex? Are you spending more time with him instead of your current boyfriend? Talk to him and find out.
2007-03-05 14:59:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is ur EX...you and him had "something" before your current boyfriend came alone..ofcourse he is going to feel threated by your ex.
You've got to make ur current bf understand that what you and your ex have is nothing more than a friendship.
When you go out with your ex to meet up or whatever..take ur bf with you...so he knows what you and ur ex get up to..try and make them freinds..then he'd be more comfortable about the whole thing.
2007-03-05 14:56:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no if your bf doesnt trust you then too bad for him
you cant dump your friends just because your bf is uncomfortable with the situation
he should be able to trust u as his girlfriend
2007-03-05 14:56:35 · answer #8 · answered by ஐﻬ уαмι ηι cнιяυ ѕαкυяα ﻬஐ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my bf is still friends with the woman he dated before me. I don't get upset but if he wanted to go to the movies with her or hang out with her yes I would.
2007-03-05 15:18:40 · answer #9 · answered by iseemen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think theres a trust issue here. it will always be hard if your boyfriend/ girlfriend is friends with their ex but as long as theres trust then i dont hink there should be a problem with it
2007-03-05 14:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋