My girlfriend uses her child sickness for a crutch not to put effort in the relationship. Should I continue on

Question

wit the relationship? I am by any means trying to sound selfish....but she doesn't sleep with me in bed like she use to. She sleeps with her kids all the time.This has been going on for a while.(1 year) There is no effort in the relationship. When I able to spend to time with her she is on the phone with her girlfriends hours and hours everyday talking about Nursing School.(she is in nursing school). I understand that If you date someone with kids you accept the whole package. I just don't understand what I'm doing or not doing to keep this relationship afloat. I seem like when I am fed up with the bull---t...thats when she puts effort to the relationship. But when everything is OK....then she's back to the same s--t. Please serious insight. Thanks

Answer 1

It take two to make a relationship work.
What types of things are you doing to improve/maintain this relationship?
You mentioned that she doesn't sleep with you and that she is on the phone a lot.
What things do you do for her to let her know you care about her?
Do you pay attention to her?
Ask her about her day?
Give her hugs?
Call her out of the blue to let her know you were thinking about her?
Maybe she doesn't want to sleep with you because that is the only time you pay attention to her?
(If I'm way off- I sincerely apologize.)
I can also understand why she would want to be near her children when they are really sick. Maybe after the children go to sleep, she can spend time with you.
Are there plans to get married, since you have already been living together for awhile?
This instability does not sound good for the children.

Answer 2

When I read your question, my first instinct was "she's just not that into you" -- to paraphrase the book title. Then, I realized that you don't specify just how sick her children really are. Are we talking a cold or leukemia? There could be perfectly legitimate reasons to be (seemingly) obsessive about her children's health. However, sleeping in her children's rooms is ill-advised in most situations, so that does make me think she is avoiding you.

On the other hand, when you are "able to spend time with her," she spends hours on the phone with her girlfriends, makes me wonder if she is, again, avoiding you or if she is repaying you. Do you spend most of your time with your friends and budget very little time for her? Or, do you spend your "together" time on the phone with friends? If so, she may be retaliating.

If you have really examined your own behavior and find it above reproach, then I think you're correct that she is no longer excited about the relationship. Smittybo2 gave good advice if that is the case. She is worth another all-out effort to keep her in your life...or you wouldn't have needed to ask the question. If she doesn't meet your efforts satisfactorily, move on. You will know you did your best.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

OK, been there done that. I hope she can't see this. I found that to get the other half in tune, is take them on a time out. In other words you 2 need go go on a little vacation without cellphones. Get out and enjoy each other, find a baby sitter, and leave home for a week or 2. After a few days then start telling her your feelings and by all means ask her for hers.

See how that works.

Answer 4

Your talking about a woman who really has her hands full. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't even have time for herself.

You really need to get a sitter, take her out to dinner, make sure you are putting the effort in, and then and only then talk to her about how you feel. What she can do about it, if anything. Give her an opportunity to tell you how she feel and what you can do about that.

Probably, things are going on that you are not even aware of. Our own internal conflict usually keeps us from moving forward. Maybe, she feels like you aren't very committed. Don't know

Answer 5

her kids will always come first, dont even go there! But it does sound like she is taking advnatage of you. I would try talking to her and let her know that you feel "left out" of her life. Ask her to plan a special night of the week every week! no phones and movies in bed. If she says no, then move on because it will be like that forever. Just let her know that you miss her. Good line "I miss you"

Good luck