How would a Buddhist deal with romantic jealousy & sadness?

Question

If one feels romantically jealous or sad (the person you are involved with has developed feelings for a second person), how might it be overcome according to Buddhist philosophies?

Are there any techniques, exercises, or changes of mindset that various Buddhist sects would suggest?

Answer 1

meditation.
sitting with the feelings
being with the feelings you feel
fully accepting yourself and these feelings
observing the feelings
realizing the desire under the feeilngs
realizing that you are not the same as that desire.

Answer 2

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
How would a Buddhist deal with romantic jealousy & sadness?
If one feels romantically jealous or sad (the person you are involved with has developed feelings for a second person), how might it be overcome according to Buddhist philosophies?

Are there any techniques, exercises, or changes of mindset that various Buddhist sects would suggest?

Answer 3

A real buddhist practices non attachment. There should be no such thing as jealousy and sadness. Most buddhists are celebate. And they would only get married if they were to get emotionally involved. So, there would be no room for jealousy and sadness. Since they practice non attachment, there is no sadness involved. They accept life on it's terms and can not escape the inevitable. So they learn how to deal and cope with it.

1Life inevitably involves sufferring
2Sufferring stems from our desires
3All sufferring ceases if desires cease
4You can do so by following the eightfold path

PEACE!

Answer 4

Well, the goal of Buddhist practice is to remove suffering from ourselves and all other sentient beings. I recommend reading a text called 37 Practices of Bodhisattvas. It helps to explain some of the finer points but I'll try and give you some helpful advice:
We practice non-attachment (everything is constantly changing therefore it causes us pain to hold on to 'ideas' about ourselves and what makes us who we are). We realize that by acknowledging the feelings we take our first steps toward observing the feelings and how they contribute to our suffering and the suffering of others. This is not at all easy but we practice not 'getting involved' with the feeling(s). We recognize that jealousy and sadness are not a natural state for us to be in, human beings were created for joy.
I would do a few of the following things to help:
Practice compassion with yourself (if you cannot have compassion for yourself then it is difficult to have for other people).
Practice kindheartedness toward the person who has hurt you. It doesn't change what they did or did not do but it helps put things in a different perspective. It changes negative feelings to more positive. Practice compassion as well.
Remove yourself from potentially damaging situations so that you can keep a clear head. When you suffer it increases the suffering of everyone else in the universe, it's a beautiful two sides of the coin idea. When you experience joy, all beings share in your joy.
Meditate on the joy of being born as a human being. (this is the first practice in the 37 practices.......get a book about it, it is helpful).
The antidote for anger is meditating on love.
I say 'practice' because we don't do anything automatically. We like to think we do but we do have to practice in order for an attitude to become part of us. It's also a more forgiving way to look at yourself and others.
I wish you well. Namaste

Answer 5

EXCELLENT(SADHU)!3X

You have just realized the First Noble Truth of the Buddha's Teaching:

.....separation from the beloved is suffering;not to get what one desires is suffering;...

By realizing The First Noble Truth,you are already one of the 8 noble person(ariya) travelling on the path to Enlightenment.

The answer to second part of your question is in The Fourth Noble Truth:The Truth of the Path Leading to the Extinction of Suffering.
This is simply the Noble Eightfold Path consisting of:
Right Understanding,Right Thought..........Wisdom aspect

Right Speech,Right Action,Right Livelihood.....Morality aspect

Right Effort,Right Mindfulness,Right Concentration...Concentration aspect


The above Noble Threefold Training will overcome all suffering and leads to Enlightenment.You will need a good teacher to guide you.
May you gained Enlightenment in this life.

Metta to all.

Answer 6

A buddhist-in-training sees attachments as 'paths' to suffering because they feel bound to them. A buddhist sees the same actions and simply chooses when to be attached and when not to be attached.

A buddhist does not deny their own feelings for others unless, of course, the buddhist chooses to deny the feelings of themselves for others. Exact same situation; one feels helpless, one feels empowered.

Do you feel helpless when you are hungry? Do you feel helpless when you are thirsty? Who is holding onto this person? Why are you holding onto this person? When you understand the question, then you will know the answer.

Answer 7

pure your mind
be aware of what is happening
do not take sudden actions
(buddhism is about freeing your self from jelousy, hate, and other negative thoughts.)
follow buddha's teachings

Answer 8

Buy being aware of it, simple. All things change.

Answer 9

slowly get a pistol in your pocket...

Answer 10

Anger Eating Demon has provided you with an excellent answer.
I have not been a Buddhist nearly long as he has, but will share with you some information which might help.

**Love vs. Attachments. Patiently read Plz.**

**"What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being selfishly attached to them?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfill our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggerates others' good qualities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only selfish lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.
But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.
Desiring to be with the people a lot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.
Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestimates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear ones and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearances, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds want to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, magnificent qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generosity, concentration and wisdom.
'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pacifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definitely have successful friendships and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life."**

Hope this helps,

With Metta {loving-kindness [unconditional love] and friendship).

P.S. - there is an excellent book out called,
"Working With Anger"
By: Thubten Chodron.
**This was the very first Buddhist book I
ever read - to develop Patience. and for
dissolving anger, jealousy, envy, lusts,
and insecurities within relation-
ships. It is so very excellent !
And will be helpful to you, as it was
for me. Thank You for your sincerity
and your humility in asking your
question. Hope my answer has
helped a little, but I know the book I
have suggested will help you much.
Patience: in Pali {in Buddhism) is
the ability to remain internally calm,
Peaceful, and undisturbed in the face
of harm and difficulties in Life.