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Question

Who ever posts the funniest Joke wins!!!!!!!

Answer 1

1)
A cop was patrolling just before midnight in a well-known Lovers spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes, officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?" The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says:"And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater." Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing obscene is happening! The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" He says : "I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks: "And her .. what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

2)
A brunette from NJ applied for a beautician post at a famous beauty parlor in NY. A blonde, from NY, applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test by the Manager. When the results were in, amazingly, both women had only one wrong answer. The manager went to the blonde and said, " Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve decided to give the brunette the job."
The blonde asked, "Why? We both got 19 questions correct. This being a NY job, and me being from NY surely I should get the job." The Manager said, " We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" asked the blonde. Manager, " Simple. On question number 7 the brunette wrote down, 'I don’t know.' "
You put down, "Neither do I."

3)
A brunette was jumping up and down by a road saying "33" repeatedly. A blonde walks by and asks her what she's doing. "Just jumping for fun" replied the brunette. The blonde must have thought it was a good idea, because she joined the blonde, saying "33, 33, 33" Just then a bus drives by and hits the blonde. She dies instantly. The brunette showed no emotion, she just smiled and started saying,"34, 34, 34"

Answer 2

ok Laughter Extravaganza
It's a tough job, but somebody has to do it. Reading the more than 25,000 jokes that come flooding into the Reader's Digest humor offices each month, that is. For us, busting a gut is literally an occupational hazard. Here come the funniest of the funny.

Doctor, Doctor
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter.
The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead.
The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care."
St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."

Timing Is Everything
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should've been here at 8:30!"
The guy replies, "Why? What happened at 8:30?"


"Martin Levine, owner of a movie theater chain in New York City, has passed away at age 65," the newspaper obit read. "The funeral will be held on Thursday at 2:10, 4:20, 6:30, 8:40 and 10:50."
-- Merrill Markoe, Late Night With David Letterman, The Book (Villard)

What's in a Name?
A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona."
"There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator replied. "Do you have a street name?"
The young man hesitated, and then said, "Well, most people call me Ice Man."

Quacking Up
A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick. The cashier says to the duck, "That'll be $1.49."
The duck replies, "Put it on my bill!"

Who's Counting?
How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
12,001. That's one to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.

Explosively Funny
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"


After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire.
"But you can't!" protested the boss. "Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?"

Say a Little Prayer
Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God's will? they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.
The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.


and im on myspace [e-mail] im also on yahoo [e-mail] get at me

Answer 3

A man and his girlfriend were in bed and things started to get hot and heavy. She suddenly stopped and said I just want you to hold me, and he replied then what was that all about? She told him that he was not on touch with her emotional needs so therefor should could not satisfy his physical needs. She then asked him why can't you love me for me and not what I can do for you in bed?
So they next day he took off of work took her to lunch and took her shopping.After she selected three very expensive outfits with shoes to match some diamond earrings and a tennis bracelet she said I'm ready to check out now. And he said no, I just want you to hold them for a while. You see you are not in touch with my financial needs so I can not satisfy your shopping needs. As she gaped at him with an angry red face he said why can't you just love me for me and not the things I can buy for you?

Answer 4

Once a lady takes her son to the doctor . She says ,' I am very worried about my son ,all he does is scratch himself and swing from trees .' The Doctor says ,'dont worry thats perfectly normal - he is just going through a phase " the lady says "Oh ! thank you doctor,,How much do I owe you ?' " Thirty bananas", came the reply !!

Answer 5

A blonde walked into a library. she walked up to the front desk and said, " I'd like to buy fries and a cheeseburger" The librarian looked up and said, " this is a library" then the blonde said, "Oh, sorry," and in a whisper voice she said, "I would like to buy fries and a cheeseburger" HAHAHA

Answer 6

What did the corn chip say to the battery?

I'm Frito Lay if you're Eveready.

Answer 7

There was once a blonde girl named Sally. Her husband was at work, and to entertain herself, she decided to do a puzzle.

Her husband came home later to find his wife angry and breathing hard at the table.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I'm trying to do this stupid puzzle! It's supposed to be a tiger!" she replied.

The husband looked at the puzzle, sighed, and said,"Sally, dear, put the frosted flakes back in the box!"

Answer 8

One day a blonde was driving. She got behind a big truck. When they came to a red light she jumped out of her car and ran up to the truck. She knocked on the window and said "Hi my name is Shelly and you are losing your load." The truck driver ignored her and went on. At the next red light she got out and ran up to the truck and knocked on the window. "Hi my name is Shelly and you are losing your load. Once again he ignored her. At the next red light she did the same thing. "Hi my name is Shelly and you are losing your load." The truck driver drove on. At the next red light the truck driver hurries up and jumps out of his truck and runs back to the blondes car and knocks on the window. He says "Hi my name is Joe and I drive a Salt truck."

Answer 9

this isn't a joke - but it happened to my teacher...

well her brother in law and his wife were trying to have a baby

but they couldn't coz nothing happened... so they went to the doctors and asked what was happening...

so the doctor says that they weren't doing it right


so they go back home and and try again with a bit of light...


and they find out that the guy was sticking his p**** in her belly button!!!!

Answer 10

It's not FREE, we have to give you a joke, next time, don't put a FREE word.