Me and my bf are madly in love. We have been together for 4 years. Were currently juniors in college. Last semester, he transferred to my university to pursue an Engineering degree before that he attended a college closer to home so he stayed at home, worked and visited me every other weekend.
Now that we see each other all the time, he wants to go back home every other weekend to visit his friends. Normally, I would not see a problem with this but every time he visits his friends we end up getting into a HUGE argument over it. He is usually very calm and relaxed but whenever we get into this type of argument, he gets upset and chooses not to answer my calls or texts. This really upsets me. This happens EVERY time he leaves to visit his friends.
Lately, this has been the cause of our arguments. He feels strongly about this. He thinks he deserves to go away sometimes. I am less open to the idea becuz I dont wanna argue and dont want him to ignore me. Suggestions 4 a compromise?
2007-03-05 12:45:34 · 22 answers · asked by First Lady 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
We argue because he is gone and often chooses not to call me or when he goes call me he still talks to his friends instead of me.
Oh and he would prefer me not going with him
2007-03-05 12:54:54 · update #1
And for the LOSER who is attempting to correct my english, get over it, I had to phrase things so that I could fit it all under 1000 characters. I am very well-spoken. I didn't ask you to comment on my english but my situation, thank you!
We argue because he chooses not to call or if he does call, he talks to his friends instead of me and he would prefer for me not to go with him back home
2007-03-05 13:02:28 · update #2
Why cant you go with him??
If he dont have anything to hide while he is gone, then he should have no problem answering your calls. However, you shouldnt be obsessive and call him every 2 minutes! Sometime us women have to 'bite our tongue' and let the men have some fun.
2007-03-05 12:48:55 · answer #1 · answered by >>Ascher<< 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is the causing the argument? That he wants to go see his friends... or the fact that you don't want to argue? You are saying that you argue when he visits his friends (before he leaves) but the cause of the argument is that he is going to visit his friends?
Unfortunately I'd have to agree with your boyfriend... he took time away from his friends and family to come visit you, now that he is away from them, you should ENCOURAGE him to leave and go visit them... being together 24/7 is obviously putting a strain on your relationship... hence all the arguing!
Speaking from experience, I would suggest that you each schedule every other weekend away from each other. Have a bunch of plans for yourself, with your friends, so you don't worry about what he is doing while he's away... have fun! Don't call or text unless it is something VERY important... or just text to say "i love you" but only do it ONCE! He needs some time away, let him have it! Enjoy yourself, have a "girl's night", take time for you!!! Make sure you still define yourself by your own standards, not just by the relationship you're in.
I promise I'm not just saying it... I was there... he was everything, our relationship was everything, we were so in love, I hated when we fought, but it always seemed to happen... eventually one fight was too many, and he broke up with me and never looked back; happy to have what he called his "freedom" back. Go careful, make sure you aren't smothering him... and help him understand that he can enjoy himself and not have to worry about you calling and texting all the time... he needs to be just him every now and then!! Don't fight, and as hard as it is, let your anger go... realize that having him with you is more important than whether or not he answers the phone. Cherish the time you have together, and enjoy the time you're apart, knowing you will be together again soon!
Good luck!
2007-03-05 13:22:12 · answer #2 · answered by Tickle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you guys are having a really big problem with your insecurity and having faith in one another. Sit down and talk about your feelings why it is bothering you so much when he leaves and maybe the two of you could come up with something that you both can agree on.
It might be a good idea to plan something with your friends when he is out of town and have some fun without him. I bet your girlfriends miss just having a girls nite out! Whats fair for him is fair for you.
If you cant learn to trust him or get your insecurities under control then it is going to push him completly away. Unless you have good reasons to think he is being unfaithful when he leaves then give him some space.
If you think he is cheating try suggesting the two of you go together once in awhile and see what his reactions are. Look for signs, is he starting a fight before he leaves for a excuse? Be honest with yourself. It may be time to let go of him and move on.
2007-03-05 13:05:27 · answer #3 · answered by hopefloats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find middle ground. Choose together that he gets away with his friends the first weekend of the month - or the first and third weekend of the month - whatever you both decide. The rest of the time he needs to spend maintaining your relationship. If he doesn't agree - he needs to decide whether or not he wants to be in a relationship at all. The life it sounds like he is arguing to live is called "single".
2007-03-05 12:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by lbkipp@verizon.net 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your question goes around in circles. You don't see a problem whith him seeing his pals and then you argue about him seeing his pals.
You said you see each other all the time, so if he wants some time away from you, why are you getting upset all about it?
I would say that the reason he doesn't answer your calls or texts
is because your wayyyyyy too intense and he needs some peace.
Why are you so worried about him ignoring you?
I'm pretty sure he can't forget you.
Even if he tried, YOU sure won't let him.
You need to quit your henpecking soon, or your relationship WILL quit.
2007-03-05 13:09:32 · answer #5 · answered by welder guy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let him go and see his friends without expecting to be able to talk to him all the time - you see him most of the week anyway.
Sometimes he should take you with him when he goes to visit his friends.
This is a silly reason to have an argument.
You only used to see him every other weekend and now you would see him more so where is the problem if he wants to see his firends on the weekends.
2007-03-05 13:02:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in love and you want to be with him, there's nothing wrong with that. But maybe what's causing the problem is that the leash that you have on him is to tight. Relax and let him do what he wants, if he wants to go and see his friends and see how it turns out. Guys like to have freedom, to choose who they spend their time with. Maybe you should relax a bit and loosen the chain, maybe this will solve the problem. As another option maybe you should talk to him about the problem, he can't get mad at you for trying to solve a problem. Ask him in a collected voice and try to solve and figure out a plan to deal with this issue. Good luck you two!
2007-03-05 12:59:39 · answer #7 · answered by Crazy Dragon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you fight about? Do you just not want him to go? It sounds like 1 of 2 things. Either you are jealouse and don't want him to visit his friends, in which case you need to give him space. If it really bothers you, you need to figure out why. He should be allowed to have his friends and time to himself. The other choice is that he is finding things to fight about because he feels guilty about something. Maybe about leaving you, cheating, or something else bothering him. I suggest sitting down and having a good talk.
2007-03-05 12:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by Athena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, before he had a bit more freedom, having 5 days to be at home.. now he's close to you, and you feel like you should have him on your days off too... he should still have that freedom to go back and see his friends... you're both still young and not married so you should still be out having fun... thats not to say he shouldn't be true to you, but he should be given the freedom to see his buddies on the weekend.. every couple needs their space.. but he should make sure that he's not missing an important event with you to go hang out with his buddies.. just ask him if maybe you guys could spend some time together all friday night, then he can have all saturday and sunday with his buddies, or maybe you could just ask him if he would like to go out with you this weekend... not every weekend.... but every now and then... and he should say yes... but he needs his freedom, and if you keep arguing with him, its going to push him away... good luck...
2007-03-05 12:53:52 · answer #9 · answered by shiningstar1313 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend might just be getting angry because he feels that you're trying too hard to control him. Maybe try giving him some space to see his friends every now and then. But I'm not saying you're entirely wrong....your boyfriend should be more mature about answering your calls. Just remember that he made a sacrafice transferring schools to be closer to you.
2007-03-05 12:54:36 · answer #10 · answered by Dr Fernando 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋