how do you discipline a child that doesn't care about the consequences (spanking, grounded, and yelling)?

Question

i have a set of twin girls (6 yrs of age) they both lie uncontrollably, as parents we understand that kids will lie and test their limits but this is seriously overdone beyond belief it's out control. they lie to get each other in trouble they lie to try and get themselves out of trouble and they lie to get something they want or mostly they lie just to lie, again it is out of control. we have spanked, yelled, grounded, and did the i'm dissapionted in you lecture but none of it works because 10 minutes later at most they are lieing again either to cover up the first lie or to run us around on the other kid or they just lie. so please write back we could use some input, we are not saying they don't have their good moments but lately the bad outweighs the good by far.

we have takin things away and put them in time out it doesn't effect them , they are up and doing it a few minutes later.

when they arent in trouble we all have fun and live normal lives for added info its not just in our head this is how it is.

Answer 1

I know its hard but what got you here is letting little things slip now you need to be strong willed since have an impressive one as well. Before I give some suggestions remember at this age they are learning their limits as well as yours. I'm glad though that your stopping it now since once they hit preteens and teens it WILL get worse.

Here are my suggestions:

1) you can ask the kids pediatrition for advice. My mother did that with me when I would throw tantrums all the time.

2) Sit down with them in a quit area indivdually (NOT together, one might say what ever the other one wants to hear.) Make it a good time and not as a punishment. And tell them that you love her and it makes you sad when she lies (keep the other one out of it make it a one on one conversation). Ask her why does she feel that she needs to lie to you (at this point don't get mad and be quite and listen to everything even if you think its a lie again). If she finds it hard to answer you tell her you are there to help her in EVERYTHING and that she needs to tell you when somethings wrong. And when she talks to after (maybe days later) don't tell her later or half listen but stop what you are doing and listen. Then repeat with the next one.

3) I suggest doing the first then doing this. Tell them calmly and lovingly that it is not okay to lie for themselves or others and that if they continue they will not be able to do the nice things they want. And just leave at that with YOU haveing the last word as a warning. The stick to your guns and every time they do something bad take something away but punish them indidually and not as a team (they just might team up against you!) Take away one iteam at a time like video games, computer time, visiting friends, play time, TV, candy, soda, ect.

4) This one is just food for thought okay. A friend of mine teen daughter was so out of control that she would take off, talk back, and steal. She got so fed up that she toke away what her daughter loved most, clouths. She all her expensive clouths and shoes execpt a weeks worth. Even after she began to behave she didn't give it back until 2 months after and only a few at a time for things like good grades. And guess what that was 3 years ago and her daughter NEVER misbehaives any more. I guess she showed that she was the boss not the daughter.

Just remember that EVERYONE not just you has to going by your rules meaning that they aren't allowed TV then dad, grandma,or who ever can't go behind your back and let them or they will never listen to so just stand strong and good luck.

Answer 2

I've seen taking their favorite things away can sometimes help.

My very first thought here though (and of course I have never met your or your girls so I am throwing this out/pulling it from a hat basically) that children who misbehave and don't care at all about the consequences are misbehaving for the sake of the reaction, good or bad. Are they looking for more attention? You know kids at that age think they're the center of their own universe and if they're not getting all the attention they feel they deserve it could be upsetting them. Also, I noticed my six year old niece started with the fibbing a lot after hanging out with a girl in school who told some crazy whoppers! They both outgrew it and I assumed it was an age thing. You could do another variation of the "I'm disappointed in you" talk but add that when they fib and lie to you like that, they make mommy and daddy not believe a word they say and it's very important for mommy and daddy to be able to trust their girls.

Good luck.

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Good luck

Answer 3

"We are not saying they don't have their good moments but lately the bad outweighs the good by far." This is part of the problem. Your daughters are only being regognized for what they are doing wrong, it is negative attention; but attention nonetheless. Children will do anything it takes to get the attention they want. You could be giving them lots of attention already, but if they don't feel like they're getting it one way, they'll find another way. What are you and your husband doing when they aren't lieing? Do you reward the good behavior or just punish the bad?

I am a strong believer in positive reinforcement rather than punishment. As I was growing up, my father was always agnologing the good behavior. If we shared our toys he'd say, "I like how you shared your toy." If we gave him a hug he said, "I love it when you hug me." By him doing this, we felt a little bit of appreciation and acceptence. Then, we wanted to feel more of it, so we would continue doing things to get that feeling again. It also created a small amount of competition between the kids. If my sister was told good job, I wanted to be told a good job too so I tried harder to do well.

My father also taught us empathy. When we would do something wrong, he would ask us how we would feel if it had been done to us. When we lied, he would sit us down and ask why we thought we had to lie. When we said we didn't know, he said it wasn't good enough. He demanded we put our thoughts into words. Then, when we couldn't he showed us how it really didn't help the situation. He explained that if we told the truth about something, he may still be sad and dissapointed, but it would multiply if we lied.

I would try less yelling, spanking, and grounding and more talking about the good things.

Hope this helps

Answer 4

I know it's terrible, but you're going to have to sit down and think of something that will reaaallly hit them. I can tell you are a good parent- which means you know what their favorite toys are, or favorite movies, etc. Sometimes you have to hit them where it hurts. One time all I did was take away my daughter's favorite toothbrush (replaced with an ugly one) for a week as a punishment; one time I had to take away all the Barbies in a hefty bag... it changes. The point is, I found out what would hit her hardest, and be a true punishment for her.

They're six... you know there is something they cherish more than air. :) Figure out what it is, and you have the best punishment ever created. Good luck!

Answer 5

Sit down with them, and have them help you make out a list of their most favorite possessions. Every time they lie, take one of those tings away, starting from the top of the list. You might also want to take away tv, and junk food (esp. sweets)
If you have to take everything away, till there is nothing but a bed, blanket and a pillow in their room, and no communicating between them then so be it! They need to learn to behave!
Another thing you could try is to lie back, like say Im going to take you to the park today, then later when they are ready to go, say oops...sorry I lied!
You could also try a thing where you can see a "lie button" that only mommys and daddys can see, to frighten them out of lying

Answer 6

Consistency, Consistency, Consistency

You've picked out consequences for lying, which is good (the only one I'd replace is the yelling, that because it's a sign that your out of control) Now use your consequences and be CONSISTENT. Every lie, MUST be met with a consequence. It's going to be hard at first, but you will come through. Also when it comes to spanking, a little swat on the tush doesn't always cut it. If your going to use spanking, pull down pants first, you will have twice the results that way (spankings are not meant to be fun).

Just try and keep up with the consistency, and things will change for the better. Don't worry about thinking your being to tough. Just so you know, in our home, any "out right" lie earns a spanking, that is something we are very consistent with. Lying hasn't been a big problem in our home.

Best of luck to you

Answer 7

The Supernanny book really helped us with our 4-year-old. Ask Supernanny by Jo Frost. Our daughter thinks about her punishment......losing privileges, losing favorite toys or books, etc.....and she's okay with it. Frustrating! The naughty stool works well, 1 minute for each year of age. That took a few tries before she would stay on it, but it's a good deterrent now. Plus, good nutrition and enough sleep and, most importantly, *time* with parents. Kids will act out more if they feel ignored. Get the book, it's a blessing.

Answer 8

maybe its time to try seperating the two of them. tell them that it appears they arent doing so good together and that they have to take time outs from each other when they do these things because they are showing you it's not good to be around each other. you have to find the thing that they do miss when it's taken away. TALK LESS!!!!!!!!!!

I have dealt with similar in a much stronger arena and I never found that one thing. I was more than exhausted.

Answer 9

they DO care but they're acting like they don't to get out of the punishment. As someone else said take away ALL of their toys and stuff and tell them that with good behavior they can earn back 1 a day

Answer 10

Put them in an area where no one can hear them and nothing that they can throw or lie to (including siblings) for five minutes. Refuse to answer to shouts and direct other family members to stay away from the area. Keep putting them in. Designate a space specifically for that purpose. whenever they disobey the rules, in they go!