Was I Wrong?

Question

Yesterday, I went to Willi*m So*oma with my husband. We parked our car right in front of the store and I entered the store before my husband.

The entrance door was completely opened and I saw this greenting lady inside the store when I walked in. I looked at her for probably three to four seconds then she looked away and showed her back to me even though there was nobody around her and she wasn't talking to anybody or nobody was calling her or anything. And then when my husband walked into the store after me, she greeted him saying " Welcomed to Willi*m Son*ma, guys."

When my husband entered the store, I was already looking for the grill pan that I wanted to buy, which was located near the entrance. And when my husband saw me looking for the pan without greeting her, he got very upset about my behavior toward her and told me that I completely ignored her and was very rude not to greet back to her when she greeted "us."

So I told him that we didn't enter the store together. I was walking at least 6 feet away from him because he was checking the broken piller outside the store. Besides after I looked at her, she looked away. So why was I rude that I didn't say anything back to her? But he told me that she looked at "US." So I told him that he didn't see the whole thing. I asked him if he saw that she looked away from me three to four seconds after I was looking at her. And he completely ignored what I'd just said and continued telling me that I was the bad one that I didn't greet her back.

But anyway... I don't know why she looked away when I entered the store. She was about to sneeze? Or she didn't want to greet me because I looked like a bi*ch ? Or she didn't want to greet me because I am a foreigner??? I don't know what the reason was. But the fact was that when I looked at her, she looked away. So how could I greet back to her???? Even though she looked away when I looked at her, I needed to stop and waited for her to look at me again and smile at her and hi to her???

Well...but that wasn't my first time that I wasn't greeted by these greeting ladies in general in the states. I've experienced about that so many times in the past and I got used to it even though it's kind sad to say that I got used to it. But I didn't want to make it as a big issue (well, it hadn't been really a big issue for me) so I just kept my mouth shut about it until my husband accused me that I was the rude person not greeting back to the greeting person who looked away or completely ignored my existance after I looked at her.

But I'm not saying or accusing that this lady at Willi*m Sono*ma was prejudice against me or anything because she is white and I'm asian....well...she might be.... but I don't want to think that she was prejudice but she had a different reason because I know that some greeting ladies don't greet everybody who comes in. And it doesn't matter whether the customers are White, Black or Asians. They just don't greet everybody all the time. I know that.

But anyways, I guessed that after I looked at her for seconds, she might have thought that she was about to sneeze so she looked away and turned her body even though she didn't sneeze??? Then when she wanted to look at me and greet me, I wasn't looking at her.... well because I was already looking for the grill after I thought she completely ignored me. Then she saw my husband so she just greeted him by welcoming us??? I don't know.....But the fact was that when I looked at her, she looked away and she completely showed her back to me. If you are in this situation, will you greet her back or will you want to greet her back or will you feel that you need to greet her back?

I just want to know if I was rude that I didn't say anything back to her. Do you think I needed to stop and turn around and tell her hi when she looked at my husband walking into the store and welcomed "us" even though I wasn't walking with my husband but walking 6 feet away from him and I was already looking for the grill pan after I saw that she totally looked away from me?

And do you think this is a big deal that he should be upseting about my behavior by a little bit yelling at me inside the store???

I feel like I'm asking an absurd question but my husband got really upset at my behavior so I just want to know if I was wrong. And I told him that this wasn't a big deal so I couldn't understand why it was so big deal to him. And I couldn't also understand why I as a customer needed to be so careful about my behavior and think how polite I should be to the people working at a store who don't even look at me but look away when I look at them. I do actually greet back to people if they greet me when I walk in. So why do I have to be so polite to the people who don't say anything to me or smile at me?

In the states, do customers need to initiate first to smile at the people working at any store so they welcome the customers? If the customers don't initiate to smile at them, they don't welcome and ignore them? My husband told me that it's so common that if customers look so bitchy or look pissy, the employees are ok to ignore them ( he told me that after I told him that she looked away when I looked at her then he said because I looked bitchy, she didn't want to look at me and greet me but she greeted him to greet both of us because he didn't look pissy or bitchy). But if that's true, that's a poor customer service. I worked in a hotel before but not in the states. I greeted all the customers who looked bitcy or pissy or whatever because I learned if I smiled at them, they usually smiled back at me. But if the customers "need" to ititiate first to smile at the employees first in this country, what kind of service do people teach to the employees in this country? Am I wrong to say that? Well, I totally understand that customers need to behave to a certain extent and they shouldn't be rude basically. But isn't it normal that the employees need to think to create a good environment for the customers by smiling at them and greeting them so the customers feel good to be in the environment and want to smile back at them and greet back to them ???? I feel like in this country, the customers need to do something first so the employees can give them a good service. Well, at least that's what my husband who is white American told me. But I just don't think that souds right....Anyways, was I wrong that I didn't greet her back? Is my husband right that it's ok for employees to ignore customers if they look bitchy or pissy?

romeo: I bought an All-Clad grille pan and an apron. And I don't want to be rude. But the lady wasn't a good-looking woman.

teresathegreat: I kinda know that the retailers care about the size of customer's wallet most of the time. So when I go shopping for clothes, descent expensive clothes, sales people approach to me and talk to me and they treat me very nicely all the time.

And when I went to W & S, I had clothes and a purse that are worth more than a thousand dollars. That doesn't include the price of my rings, earrings, and the stuff in my purse. So I don't think the reason why the lady ignored me was because of the size of wallet. I think it was somthing else. Probably I looked like I didn't want to get greeted by her????

Answer 1

This is the single longest post I've ever seen, and about the most trivial argument I've ever seen. In short, you weren't wrong to ignore her, and your husband made a big deal out of nothing.

We'll never know why she didn't greet you, but I seriously doubt it was because you are Asian - she works in retail, and retailers only care about the size of your wallet, not the color of your skin - it's simple economics. It may be her job to greet customers, but etiquette doesn't demand that it's your job to greet the greeter. If she ignored you, you have the right to ignore her... if she greets you, you should at least give a nod or a small smile in her direction, but you have the right to ignore her anyway.

Even if it is her job to greet customers, it doesn't mean she has to greet every single person or she has failed in her mission - she's allowed to use her discretion. Maybe you do have a pissy "don't talk to me, I don't want to be bothered" look on your face normally, and she thought you might prefer to NOT be greeted (personally I often find the greetings annoying, and wish they would refrain sometimes - certainly they should be able to tell when their greeting will not enhance my shopping experience). So she was attempting to be polite and consider your preferences - she misread them, but she was trying to do the right thing, so you and your husband should both give her the benefit of the doubt for such a small breach of etiquette.

Your husband committed the far worse breach of etiquette by picking a fight with you in a public place. He could have phrased his suggestion in a kinder, more polite way, and not jumped to conclusions.

In general, both of you just need to get over it - it's not that big of deal. If this is the worst problem in your lives, consider yourselves lucky.

Answer 2

Your husband was wrong. The lady was rude; which, as you said, no issue, there are a lot of rude people around. You did right by just walking away. You certainly did not need to greet her later after she saw you were with someone. That is what is so insulting. She was a witch. I am sure you did not look bitchy. It is a greeters job to greet people; not only people whose looks they like. If you had turned out to be bitchy (which I am sure you are not) then she could have avoided you.

You are right. The greeter and your husband are wrong, wrong, wrong.

Answer 3

Honey, I feel like both your husband and yourself are making a huge deal out of nothing. Both customers and greeters are only people. Sometimes both can be momentarily distracted, lost in a brief thought or whatever. I am a flight attendant. I always try to greet everyone, but sometimes its just not possible with the myriad of things going on during the boarding process. When I was new at the job, I used to get my feelings hurt if someone didn't respond to me. Well, I got over that a long time ago. I choose to believe that they are lost in thought, extremely tired or whatever. Even if they simply don't like the way I look, I no longer care, as I have developed a thicker skin and a stronger sense of self.

Answer 4

Your question is WAY too wordy. I did not read through all of it so I apologize in advance if I am not addressing some important detail. I hope that the argument between you and your husband was not as long as this question. It really is not all that important. The woman's job is to greet customers whether they return the greeting or not. Say hello to the greeter if you want to. if you don't it's no big deal.

Answer 5

I think that you and your husband are arguing for nothing.

Who cares if a greeting lady greets or not? Why she didn't? Maybe becasue she saw a not so friendly face (many female customers are rude to store personel) or maybe becasue she was at that door for only God knows how many hours and was tired. Who cares?

Tell your husbamd to get a hobby because there are more important things than being worried about greeting or not greeting a greeting lady. You did nothing wrong.

Answer 6

You were the subject of a psychological attack - by both that woman and your husband colluding|

That type of attack is very common today and is just as harmful and malicious as a physical attack|


There must be something a little different about you that makes you the subject of such attacks| Bullies always go after the "different" person, it is all part of the strategy in getting everyone in line into the herd mentality|

But of course, it is not your fault| But they have a very sneaky and insidious way of making it seem as if it is your fault|


Such people are bullies and cowards| They also tend to deceive, mislead and lie to other people, as they believe that language is not the means to tell the truth - that is, to relation *what is* - but is merely a tool of deception to get others to do what they want|




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Answer 7

The job of a greeting person it to greet everyone who enters the store, restaurant, whatever. It's what they're paid to do. Your husband was wrong to chastise you in the store. The greeter should've greeted you first, and then the customer can choose to be a bitc# or not.

You could've greeted her first, but you are by no means wrong.

Answer 8

If I am in your shoes I would just forget about it. She greeted your husband because she thought that she could influence him by her smiles. This is what she thinks. Well, close the subject so that your relationship with your husband is not affected by her. Let it go. I am a lady and I get better treatment by salesmen, I prefer them over salesladies who are perhaps jealous of me.

Answer 9

you sound like your husband really got on to you I am a sales person there are many reasons why a sales person will ignore you and the number one reason is if a man and woman come into a store together and the sales person is a good looking woman she will go to the man first or you gave her a bad vibe or she just did not want to talk to you it could have been a number of things did you buy anything

Answer 10

You know people are dying in Africa, right? War in Iraq, unrest in the middle East? Millions, maybe billions who will go to sleep tonight without food or medicine?

You should have told your husband to shut up, and if he didn't, go back to the greeter and ask her point blank if she was upset with you. Either that or kick him in the nuts. He deserved it.