After he cheated....Revenge or Let it Go?

Question

I have been going out with this guy for about 7 months. We've been best friends since middle school. I found out he's been cheating on me with my best friend for about three weeks. They don't know I know yet. Should I dump him, Let it go, talk about it with him, or seek revenge?

Answer 1

Your anger, your pain, will have very little affect on them compared to the affect that it will have on you. Physically, mentally, emotionally, it will drain you.

Take it from someone who knows all about anger and pain at others. I won't go on about my childhood because others have had it worse. But I carried that around for many years and it nearly destroyed me.

You have a right to be angery. You have a right to go through the pain. You have a right to let them know how much their actions have hurt you.

But communicate this with diginity. If you treat them like they just treated you, it will alllow them to feel like victims.

You want to make a lasting impression on them? As calm as you can, tell them you know what they've done. How much it hurt you. And walk away.

You are much better off. Good thing you found out he was a cheater in 7 months rather than 7 years.

And if she cheated with your BF, was she ever really a friend?

Your best revenge is them having to explain to your mutual friends why you don't hang out with them anymore.

Dump 'em both and walk away with your head high.

Oh, BTW, go get tested. You don't know who else they were cheating with..

Good luck.

A~

Answer 2

Well the first thing you need to do is dump him! This best friend you speak of is really not a best friend because if she is going out with boyfriend then that is just not right, but it also depends on many things. Who did you hear this from? Did you see them cheating? It does depend a lot on how is you personality. If I were you I think I would Dump him, get revenge and then let it go because that is just not right.

Answer 3

A good rule of thumb is to always strive to make yourself a better person, and not waste time doing things that don't.

Does harming him make you better? All that will do is make him worse. It doesn't help you in any way. Forget revenge. It is a waste of time.

The fact that you are considering revenge as a possibility suggests that perhaps your relationship isn't meaningful enough to try and save it. I don't think cheating necessarily is the end of things, but it can be really, really hard to trust someone after that... especially if (as you say) you 'found out' and he didn't tell you.

Since it doesn't seem to be worth the massive effort it will require, then the best choice would seem to be moving on. You deserve better than this jerk, and you probably have better things to do than nurse him along to a higher level of commitment just so he can keep up with you. Don't regret the good times you had - just avoid doing something else that you WILL regret later.

It may take some time to re-define him as someone you don't care about, but in a sense maybe the person you saw him as was never really there. Go out and find the person who really fits that description and leave this poor substitute behind. If nothing else, you've learned about two people pretending to be something they're not. That's an important thing to know.

Answer 4

Wow that sucks, seeking revenge is going to be very tempting, and thinking about might just make you feel better, but the best thing to do is to get away from him and your so called best friend. It sounds like they both have no regard for your feelings if they're creeping around behind your back. I would confront them both and just let them know that you're not a fool ... but they both are because you're not going to put up with their actions and they both are losing a great person in their lifes.

Answer 5

Talk with him about it but be prepared to move on without seeking revenge or burning any bridges.

There's something missing here. You two are not living together, not engaged, not planning a wedding - just some frequent dating for 7 months. He goes out with your best friend and that's "cheating"? Did you guys have some kind of verbal agreement that you were the only person he would date?

Answer 6

Well, revenge will just lower you to his level and I'm sure you're better than that. I think you need to dump them both. True best friends don't do that to each other.

Although the Cheaters thing would be funny.

Whatever you decide though, you really should seriously think about dumping them both. Just assemble some proof and send it to both of them in the mail with a letter that explains how you are looking forward to a new life without them in it. Then don't answer your phone when they try and call to beg for your forgiveness.

That should be revenge enough.

Answer 7

Revenge is a dish best served cold. You can now consider the fact that you have 2 less friends than you had before you found out. Let it go and move on.

Answer 8

she is your best friend , because you have lots in common, maybe the same taste in guys. you are losing 2 friends here in the process, no matter what you decide to do, realize it will change you forever. it will change who you are. do whatever your instinct tells you to do, you are the one who has to feel good about this in the end. whatever you do, keep your dignity. don't give that up. the other 2 are the ones with the flawed character. you did everything you said you would do, right. it's a learning curve, you are learning life lessons here. young people aren't always sensitive to other peoples feelings, and older people aren't either for that matter. talking would be the mature thing to do, it won't heal the trust but you will like yourself more and develop a stronger character.

Answer 9

dump them both and move on... revenge won't really make you feel any better, and letting it go isn't an option, since would let him know that it's okay and you're submissive, and talking to him about it most likely won't help... you're only 7 months into the relationship, he's not that invested in you, so talking won't do anything... if he's cheating this early in the r-ship, chances are he won't stop.

Answer 10

Revenge is never the answer. Unfortunately in your situation you stand to lose 2 best friends. I would cut my losses, even though, I'm sure it will be hard, and move on. Get some friends that will respect you, be there for you, who care for you, and who won't lie to you. You deserve better than that! Let it go and move on. Good luck and be strong!