I found my 2 and 1/2 year old daughter dead in her crib 10 months ago when I was 2 months pregnant with my son. My daughter was born with a cyst on her brain that required a shunt and she also had septo optic dysplasia.. These 2 things were part of the cause of death. I now have a healthy baby boy but I constantly check him because I'm afraid I'll find him dead too. Am I being paranoid or have any of you been like this too?
2007-03-05 08:34:34 · 12 answers · asked by Nickey b 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
; ; I can't choose a best answer for this one, you can vote amongst yourselves. Thanks everyone for making me feel like I'm partially sane.. haven't been right since she's gone.
2007-03-05 17:07:15 · update #1
Extremely sorry for your loss!!!! You are not alone in your battle either. I lost a daughter as well and had a baby girl after she had passed. You are NOT being paranoid. You are being protective and loving and concerned. However, do NOT let it eat you up. Do NOT let it consume you. You said baby boy is healthy and your job is to trust that. YOU did not cause your baby girl's passing. It wasn't your fault. Even if you had been in the room 20 minutes beforehand, the outcome would have been the same. God wanted that special girl to be by his side so she would no longer suffer here on earth. It isn't your fault!!!
It is not healthy for you to have a constant worry over your head 24/7. Just think of it this way too if you can, baby girl is watching over him as well. She will be there for him when you cannot be. You and baby boy have your own personal angel taking care of you.
Rest assured though, you are being protective and that's a good thing. PLEASE, just don't let it get the best of you. Enjoy your new baby boy..... it's going to be hard to do that if you can't focus on all the good stuff he's doing.
Again, sorry for your loss. Truly. Now go take good care of yourself so you can be happy and healthy for your new little one!!
2007-03-05 08:43:40 · answer #1 · answered by momto3 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Nickey, I am so sorry for you loss. I know the pain of loosing a baby.There is none worse! I have lost 2.. one to SIDS(he was 9 months old) and one was stillborn. That was a bad year. When I did have another baby I slept with my hand on her tummy for the first 9 months of her life. You have every reason to check all the time, to feel the way you do. I found my son and I will never get that picture out of my mind...ever. The pain doesn't go away, I wish I could say it does, but it gets bearable. After time. I don't know what your beliefs are but I know that my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ has gotten me through the last 7 years. My husband and I now have 2 daughters and a son (adopted).
Please if you need to talk to someone who has been through the loss of a child please feel free to email me @ Knight_janette@yahoo.com.
You and your family are in my prayers
God Bless
2007-03-05 08:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by knight_janette 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are grieving. It is a HUGE process. Your behaviors are part of the process.
You know, you may not be just simply worried about your son... You may be acting out what you feel in your heart you should have done for your daughter... Checking in on him as much as you need is OKAY. It only becomes a problem if you are not getting the rest you need( like sleeping enough through the night) or you are disturbing your chld's rest...
In your heart you know what you need to be doing. Questioning your sanity is normal when you are grieving.
A prayer for you and your family....
May God keep you in his watch and keep your daughter in the quiet calm depths of his love... until you embrace each other once again.
2007-03-05 08:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by Deactivate account 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry about your loss. Bless your heart. I have not lost a child but it is my greatest fear. I try not to be afraid of anything but I am - of this. I just wanted to give you a big hug over the Internet and let you know that I have always checked to be sure my baby is still alive. I hate that I do this, but I do. My 14 year old, well, I can hear her snoring, but my 4 month old, I check her several times to be sure because you hear stories and we are all human. Life is not promised. No, you're not being paranoid, but be sure to pray and ask God to give you assuredness and peace. All things are possible through prayer and believing.
2007-03-05 08:45:30 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry for your loss!
I'd have to say that yes you are being paranoid but you have a good reason to be.
It's okay, let your baby have breathing space! If he is perfectly healthy, I doubt he's going to die. Your daughter died of natural (or unnatural if you see it that way) causes. Someone didn't jump into her room. Your son should be fine. If you feel like you need to constantly check on him, try writing down each time you go into his room and wait at LEAST one hour before going in again (this is not including if he needs to be changed, fed, etc..)
Maybe you could ask a doctor and take him in for a check-up. If he's healthy, you don't need to constantly check on him.
But for the time being, since you have recently dealt with loss of a child, I'd say BE STRONG! And checking on your son isn't so bad. Just don't keep up this habit because he isn't exactly going to like this in a few years:)
2007-03-05 08:40:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
That is soooo normal.
My mother lost my brother at the age of 5 weeks because of a heart trauma or something. Her and my dad had bought everything for him. The baby sshower had been really expensive. Then for their next children (6) they had no baby showers and they did not buy any clothes until they were born. My mother has 6 healthy children. (30,26,19,16,14,10)
2007-03-05 09:01:56 · answer #6 · answered by Chris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I was/am the same way. And it doesn't happen to us just if our children are young when they die. We lost our oldest son when he was 22, ten years ago. We have two younger sons. I was the same way as you are. When they went anywhere, I worried even more than I had before. I told them I couldn't lose them, too. That they just couldn't do that to me. I have, over the years, loosened up, but they know (as does my husband) that no one walks out that door without a hug, kiss and "I love you". It's because we, and you, have lost our complacency about living forever. We know you can lose a child at a moment's notice. We know that if that can happen to our child, that nothing is forever.
2007-03-05 09:02:14 · answer #7 · answered by Scoots 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think all parents check on their kids constantly, if not what good are the parents. i know you feel paranoid and you probably are to some extent, but better safe than sorry.
Also I am so sorry about your daughter but even if you check on kids constantly things can still happen. Don't drive your self crazy thinking your daughters death was your fault. It was NOT!
Best of luck to you and your son!!
2007-03-05 08:42:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Bless your heart. I am so terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Of course you are not being paranoid, even mothers who have not experienced a loss will constantly check on their child. I am sure as time goes on you will be a little less on guard even though you will always be concerned and worried.
2007-03-05 08:40:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
sorry to here about your girl, no you are not paranoid and i think a lot of parents are constantly checking in on their little ones. I check into see my ones lots and more if i get any feelings that something may be up with them. enjoy your son.
2007-03-05 08:42:23 · answer #10 · answered by Shaz 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋