Is there a reason to feel like this?

Question

First of all, i am NOT suicidal, i have NO urge what so ever to kill myself or to even hurt myself. I am a happy, outgoing, fun guy. Why is it though, that when i am driving into work or on an airplane, i secretly hope for a crash? It's more than i'm okay with dying. It's a very odd feeling that has been with me for a few years now. For the most part, i lead a happy life, i have a beautiful wife that i love and a decent job. It's hard to discribe, but i secretly hope that a meteor will land on my head, or i'll get sideswiped crossing the street, or some other completely random accident. maybe thats overstating it... it's somewhere between HOPING it will happen and being OKAY with it happening. Is it just curiosity about whats after life, or am i suicidal and dont even know it? Has anybody else had this sensation. again, i AM NOT suicidal and cant fathom hurting myself...i cant stress that enough...

I intentionally left out the fact that i am a soldier currently on my 3rd tour in Iraq because i dont want to blame PTSD, but as much as i dont want that to be the answer, do you honestly feel like it has something to do with it?

Answer 1

Okay, here goes an obvious phsyco-analysis....You are experiencing what is called an unconscious need to relieve undo pressure. While you look at the brighter side of life and fill happy and full filled, you secretly want the pressure to sub-side. If you could escape you would...it is called the "fight or flight" syndrome..We all have it, some run away from their lives, some do drugs, some find religion, some take it out on their loved ones, ect. So, what you are really seeking is relief from the pressures of life. There are lots of choices out there..exercise, a hobby, counselling, religion, ect. Find a way to let off a little steam..it's okay to let it out, just do it in a healthy way. Good luck and keep up the great work...you're gonna be fine.

Answer 2

Perhaps you are rehearsing for a possible disaster. You say you are somewhere between hoping it will happen and being okay with it happening. Maybe you would like to know how you would handle some kind of disaster. Maybe it is something you fear and thinking about it happening and being okay with it helps to ease the fear.

No, I don't think you are suicidal because you don't think about doing it yourself, but having something happen to you. Suicide is death by your own hands, not getting hit by a meteor.

Yes, being on your 3rd tour of duty in Iraq probably has a lot to do with it. It is probably stress related. But because your feelings seem to be rather calm about it I still feel you are attempting to come to terms with the stress in some way. After all, what else can you do to change your situation, but accept it and do your best to handle what may happen.

Take care and stay safe.

Answer 3

Well I'm not a psychologist, and I am not trying to diagnose you, but if the thoughts are repetitive in nature and make you upset and cause a great deal of anxiety,l it may be due to an anxiety disorder called obsessive-compulsive disorder (ocd). I happen to have ocd and do have 'harmful thoughts' but that I would Never act on. The ocd thoughts are due to a chemical imbalance in the brain of the neurotransmitter, serotonin, (and dopamine may also play a role in those with ocd) and for those that actually have the disorder, ssri (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) medication such as prozac or zoloft and cognitive-behavioral therapy (cbt) can do wonders to improve one's quality of life.

Either way, whether you have an anxiety problem like that, please do talk with a psychologist. The three professionals that can officially diagnose mental health problems (and health insurance can provide partial or full reimbursment) include a clinical psychologist, a licensed/clincial social worker (LCSW), and/or a psychiatrist (dr who specializes in mental health problems but can also prescribe medication.

**Please do Not try to self-diagnose and go to a therapist with what you're experiencing.