How do I make sure that no one in my family may contact me or have anything to do with me or MY family?

Question

My family hates me,my grandpa treats me horribly he hates me cause I resemble my mother whom he resents for marrying his son, my dad.No one sticks up for me when he bashes on me constantly.He refers to me as an "it" and says hurtful things all the time.They all prefer my brother over me, my brother dropped out of high school at 16 and now has been working a dead end job at a local Jack in the Box. I graduated high school with a's and b's and will be taking classes for college online( I hope to be an architect someday) while living with my husband who's in military and taking care of my daughter. I have a 1 and a half year old baby girl and a new baby on the way, my grandparents write to my daughter and send her packages and stuff. I don't want them to have anything to do with her or my new baby, what do I do? Despite my requests to stop correspondence they continue to write to my daughter and frankly I am tired of it. I don't want to hear from them EVER again, help.

My parents: My father told me when I graduted from high school that he thought his job as a parent was done and discconected himself from me. My father now works two jobs to take care of my ill mother. She was born diabetic, then had a stroke which resulted in brain damage, she now had been diagnosed as schizophrenic. She can't really hold a conversation, she gets confused and says the voices are bothering her. So of course they're busy with their lives and I totally understand and respect that. They haven't really been very involved in my life since I was 16 when my mom had her stroke. But I'm their daughter and I would like them to stand up for me, I'd do the same and more for them. I left my husband and daughter in Texas for a month to go and make arrangements in AZ for my mother's care and living arrangements when my father decided to pursue a career in cross country truck driving.I's like they can't stand up to their parents or something.

it might have something to with the inheritance my parents will get after my grandparents pass...if they're on their good side...

Answer 1

Sounds like you are wonderful and your family is just absolutely horrible. It also sounds like you continue to allow yourself to be walked on and treated like an "it." It is up to YOU to put a stop to it. I think sending back the letters and/or packages upopened with REFUSED stamped on it would be the thing to do if you really don't want to hear from them. And when or if they call, just state "I don't want to have a relationship with you now that I am an adult and can make that decision for myself. When my daughter(s) are grown they will also be able to make their own decision, but, in the meantime, as their parent, I have to make the decisions that I believe will be in their best interest. Please respect that." And then hang up and do not answer the phone again if you know they are calling. Stand firm.

If the family is really as dysfunctional and horrible to you as you say then you need to protect and stand up for YOUR children. Break the cyle.

Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm also on the outside of the family looking in at a brother who can do no wrong. When I turned 30 we got into an argument and they "washed their hands of me" It's been almost 3 years since we've spoken and they haven't even met their 3rd grandchild. My kids adored them and they just blew them off and never spoke to them again. Let me just say my life has been so peaceful with their drama out of our lives. Sure I have days when I wish my parents hadn't thrown me away like yesterdays trash, but that passes. My kids know they have grandparents out there that they just don't talk to. I told them some people are just plain mean and we don't HAVE to keep in touch just because they are my parents.
Now I have a life long goal to never be in that situation with my kids. Nothing they can ever say or do would push me away. Stay strong for your kids and don't ever let guilt guide your decisions. Good luck

Answer 3

they call you, "it". How awful. No need to say anything, simply mark the boxes and letters "return to sender" and send everything back. I can understand how you would want to choose protect your child from such an abusive person.
Oh, get a private number or block theirs as well, or do what everyone else is doing, disconnect your landline and go to cell service only and don't give out your number to anyone.
Good luck and good for you for not letting them drag you down with them!
Hi, just checking back in... your primary family also sounds dysfunctional...and you are right, it might be due to the inheritance issue, but it might also be some sort of long- embedded behavior pattern with your parents that had just gone on for so long that they are probably not even aware of it anymore. It is very sad when a parent is not able to stand up to their parents, especially when children are involved...
That being said, I think you are a very special person to go down and help your mom. I have no idea why your dad would say that his job as being a parent is over! I am a parent, and let me tell you, your job is NEVER over.... even when they are adults and out on their own, you NEVER stop being a parent! The role changes as you step back and watch them blossom (hopefully) on their own, but you are never out of the picture. And also another sad reality, some adults are just not good aults. Some are also just not good parents. It is not a judgement, just a true statement. Some realize it with time, but most do not. What you do for your parents, do because you want to and not because you are expecting anything... your dad sounds like he does not have a lot to give. I wish I had better advice for you, so sorry about your family, but you sound really healthy! Blessings- dd

Answer 4

I had the same relationship only with my mother.. she just uses people.

then she started being nice to my kids, I decided to try to be nice for my kids sakes... then when my youngest was 5 I found out why my mother was acting the part of grandmother... she found out that my kids were primary beneficiaries of some older relatives..(something I was not even aware of). We completely cut ourselves off from them.. when our youngest turned 21 she received the bulk fo her inheritance. 2 days after her b-day my mother showed up at my daughter's house (she had not seen my daughter since she was 5 yrs old, had never even made an attempt) she asked my daughter to give her $50,000!!!

My daughter asked her why? She said because I'm your grandmother.. My darling daughter told her that you had to be a mother before you could be a grandmother. She had never been a mother to her mom or her uncle and she only had 1 grandma and she lives in California.. Then she closed the door on her.

She hasn't heard from her since.

Sometimes you have to be direct.

Answer 5

YOU NEED TO FORGIVE AND BE MORE UNDERSTANDING.
I realize this isn't what you wanted to hear but they are writing letters to a one year old.....do they think she can read?
The reason they send the letters and stuff to her is because they are trying to connect to you....and they obviously have problems in that area.
I've learned one thing about family...sometimes they can really appear lame and then something happens and that's who you turn to.....maybe give them a little break and extend a fig leaf of peace.
When they talk to you....try to be funny...and not so serious.
You can even make fun of them giving you a hard time.....see how they react.
Sometimes people have no idea how goofy they are and they need to be adjusted.
Personality adjustments are very delicate but these people are your daughter's family....and you can't totally ignore them.
Where's your mom and dad on this issue?

Answer 6

They are jealous of your success and that you are doing it your own way and this is wrong of them. But for the sake of family, you need to eventually resolve it because your children will eventually start asking as they get older about your parents and grandparents.

I would sever ties for a while and see if things cool down. It's not going to be easy but resolution is always better for both parties.

Answer 7

I am not too sure how to go about stopping them but it seems a little unfair to cut them off if they are good to your kids. I completely understand your point because I went through something kinda simular and I wanted to cut off my in-laws from the kids because they favored the other grand kids so much more and they were real hateful to me. They really hated me for "stealing" their child! Get over it folks! Come on. Anyways...I did it for a bit and my son was sad and I had to not be selfish and let him see them but not with me around and totaly on my schedual. I still am a bit the b@#$% but I try harder for the kids sake! Hope it helps? Sorry for your bad luck! Mine sucks too!

Answer 8

I'm sorry that your family has done this but I'm glad you have the sense to get them out of your life and move on and ABOVE their ways. Good for you!
I'm sure you dont need their poisonous behavior around your family. I'd see if you can get the law involved, but return all items to sender and I'd write, "no longer at this address" so they think you moved.

Answer 9

Tell them you are moving and forward your mail to a post office box. Then when it comes to the po box, don't accept it and have the post office send it back, marked "addressee unknown or no forwarding address" kind of thing. Eventually they will get the message if everything gets returned. You certainly should be proud of yourself and not have to be treated this way. God Bless you for standing up for yourself and your family and not subjecting yourself to things any longer. Good luck.

Answer 10

You shouldn't hold bitterness in your heart, but if these people will continue to mistreat you or any member of your family, I would cut off all communications. I'll be praying for you, and God Bless.