Real advice..pls!?

Question

Im in a relationship with a guy that im very much in love with. We were friends for a very long time (over 5 yrs) before we started anything and now,we live together...ANYWAY,he has this friend(yes shes female and NO,i aint jealous) and i got to find out that they were more than that once upon a time...she had a man at that same time and shes still with that man...anyway,theres something about that girl,shes so damn shady and my man doesnt see that in her...he still talks to her on a regular basis and says theyre just friends and thats shes like a sister to him...well,its not him i dont trust or doubt...i dont get good vibes from her...and shes always had his attention when he was single..but now,ever since i moved in with him,shes brought nuthin but negativity into this relationship..shes slick and seems like she would do anythin to grab his attention..that i cant ***** at her for..he should learn to prioritize.I feel like im 2nd best and i never question my self worth...what do i do?

Oh...and his phone keeps goin off everytime with her damn text msgs...and the thing is,i dont mind it...but for example,last night,at 12am...even if he was the one who texted her 1st,if she really had any decency,she'd know i was there and put herself in my shoes and just not reply or keep it short..but no,his phone just kept beeping and beeping...and today,shes on the phone with him and she knew i was with him but decided not to say hi or whatever...shes a cunniving,shady,disrespectful person and he cant see that...man...am i making a big deal outta this or what? I dont care about her or whatever her motives may be...i care that my man puts me 1st,or otherwise,im out the f*ckin door...

Answer 1

********************BEST ANSWER HERE******************
Ok, Babygirl, here's your real advice with real talk.
The problem is that men don't pay attention or as intuitive as women.
Because they were an item previously, he values their friendship a little more due to the history and time. It doesn't matter that she's in a relationship, either.

What people do and what they should do are 2 separate entities, no doubt.
Everyone is right - you should talk to him.
But, don't talk AT HIM - like finger-pointing or insinuating an ultimatum.
Guess where he'll run? Yep, right back to her with this information.

I suggest when you talk to him, ask questions like:
1) If I needed you, regardless of the case, how would you respond?
2) If something good happened to you, who would you tell?
3) If something bad happened to you, who would you confide in?
4) List your top 5 priorities in life.
5) Who are the 5 people you value the most

Those would give you AND him an idea of who influences his life the most.
If he doesn't say her name, then kindly point out why you don't feel that way.
This will be an educational tool that he can see from YOUR perspective and thus, act or redirect accordingly.

That's real talk from a man, Baby.

Answer 2

First of all, it sounds like a lot of drama that you should just seperate yourself from, but if you're set on sticking around... Sounds like the girl who only wants what she can't have, but keeps a man in reserve, so she won't look like a fool. A man usually can't see her for what she is, until she hurts him too badly for him to forgive her. At least you're not alone. This girl's man is in the same boat as you. I bet if you started talking to him, you'd get girlie's attention, but your man wouldn't be too pleased. If your boyfriend is treating you like second best, maybe you need to ask him if there're still feelings there. It sounds like there are. Let him know that you won't stay in the relationship if he's only got one foot in it. Perhaps your boy only wants what he can't have too, and they're making a cute little game of it all. I know you want to keep him, so you can't let him take you for granted. On the other hand, I know you've got your pride, but try not to be too mean.

Answer 3

If you want anything out of him you are going to have to sit down and talk to him and let him know what you think about this girl and that you think there is something about her that is not quite right and you want to know does he have a thing for if he does then you need to let him know that you are not playing games with him and that he needs to choose who he plans to be with. Let him talk to her and see if he can get her to listen to what he has to say before you step in a try to fix it. If she knows what she dealing with then maybe she will step down, but it will be up to him to tell her that they are strickly friends and nothing more and that the commitment is with you. If he does not then it shows you how he feels about you and then it will give you a reason to say good-bye, and move on with your life. Just tell him you are if that happens that way he can not say you did not notify him.

Answer 4

If you are uncomfortable because he doesn't pay enough attention to you then you should drop this guy and move on. If you are uncomfortable because of this girl but you trust him and not her, get real. Either you trust him or you don't!!! She is absolutely no threat if he is trust worthy and loyal to you.

Make up your mind. If you decide you are going to trust him let the other issue go. If you decide you can't trust him then let him go.

I hope that's real enough.

Answer 5

Tell him everything you just told us. Be straight to the point about it. Don't pull any punches either. Tell him how you feel, straight up. Tell him you aren't going to take a back seat to anyone!

Answer 6

Break some of his stuff.

Answer 7

leave him, if he really loves u he'll reprioritize and leave the witch