What do you do when your dad is an abusive drunk?

Question

My dad gets drunk and becomes very angry and abusive. Not really towards us girls (his daughters) but My brother and him do get into fist fights quite often and my dad beats up his girlfriend's SEVERLY. That is why my mother left him after 22 years and that is why his current girlfriend left him. We can't sit him down and have a serious conversation with him and tell him we are worried about him or afraid of him because then he will get angry again and blame it on us or tell us he is going to kill our animals or he will tell us to get out. What should I do with this situation. He is making everyone's life HELL. Thanks.

Also...we have thrown him in jail well OVER 20 times and everytime the cops either release him that night or the following morning and he is after us for putting him there. We have thrown him in jail so many times that he has had to do Anger Management for 1 year and he still holds that against us. I have contacted an undercover cop to ask what to do and they said that there is really nothing they can do until one of us is extremly injured. Some of us can't make it on our own at the moment. He knows that and that's why he tells us to get out. He knows we will be homeless.

Also...my mother moved to Texas and is now with a new man. We live in Colorado..she just left us. His current girlfriend has no place to live, she is staying with her friend. My dad's parent's know about the abouse and when we tell them, they just shake their head but never offer advice. We have no one to help us really. I know this is bad but all 3 of us kids dropped out of school due to the lack of parental guidence in the house. My family on my mother's side also know about the abuse but as well, are unwilling to help us. They were unwilling to even help my mother, that's why she escaped by meeting a man on the internet and moving in with him.

Also, the local homeless shelters are full. I'm looking for someone to give me an answer or advice to out smart him and put him in jail for a LONG time or change him from his EVIL ways

Answer 1

Ok, it's going to be alright. Keep up with the local shelters, stick with that, if he does eventually get violent and hurts someone and hopefully, THAT doesn't happen, send him to jail and press charges. That's truly the only way things are going to stick with him. If he hits one of you and you call 911 they will take him to jail and they will ask if you want to press charges. You say YES. Don't worry about the legal stuff right now, your safety is much more important. Call upon friends/relatives whomever you might have a chance in living arrangements. Do research either at the library or online (libraries have computers now you can use) Call the Red Cross, they will either find something for you or give you places to call =) Please keep in touch with me so I know how you are. Let your mother also know, there's no reason why she couldn't help you somehow, someway.

Answer 2

It is hard to be the "Adult" when you're still young.

Adults tell ppl "NO" --- they will force correction onto their loved one for their own protection. So, dispite your Dad's failures, I bet you still love him much. True love would involve you finding "Medicine" or "Correction" for him. This can be "Jail", "Psycologists", or "Re-hab". Too often kids think they're only role is playing "Defense" but as taught by football ... sometimes the best defense is a strong "Offense".

Dunno if you're "Legally an adult" or not. If you're still under 18 years old ... tell teachers, priests/ ministers, or call social services directly.

Start answering these questions to yourself: What will make me safe? Who will provide me safe shelter (family, a unknown woman's shelter, churches)? How can I find independance & self respect? What are my short term goals? What are my long term goals? What is realistic ... what is fantasy? How do I show love to myself DAILY as I go through this journey.

There's help out there; but the love flows with the crys and strenghts that come from within you.
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Call each of these numbers ... someone should be able to help you:

Adolescent Services 3/ 742-0828
Crime Victims Assistance 3/ 344-4953
Emergency Assistance 3/742-0828
Foster Care 3/742-0828
Samaritan House 3/294-0241
Homeless Prevention Service 3/742-0828

Don't stop calling --- Don't get discouraged if they need you to call another number ... but someone will help you ... keep going till you feel "Safe".

Answer 3

OK, if you're sure they'll just let him go again you need to find someone who will stand up for you no matter what. There are limits to what authorities can do, but that doesn't mean you should stop telling them.

Think of someone in your community that isn't a cop or government official, but is willing to go up against authorities for a cause. One of those people that is always standing up in public and complaining about things. It could be a neighbor, someone who works in a store or restaurant, the parent of one of your friends. You have pets, is there some really sympathetic soul that works at the pet store? Just tell them what is going on and ask for help.

If you can't think of anyone in particular or the person you pick doesn't do anything, then start telling EVERYBODY. Send all your siblings out to tell everyone that could or should be able to help -- counselors at school, teachers, the principal, doctors, nurses, firemen, priests, ministers, rabbis, the mayor, people that run the community center, neighbors. Find a lawyer's office and walk right in and ask for help. There is strength in numbers, so th more you tell, the more chance you'll have for getting help.

I'm attaching some possible resources for you to call, but a local group will help the most. Go to the Yahoo! search engine and type in "abuse" and your zip code. The names of organizations that can help should come up. Call them. Keep calling until you find one that will help. If you can't find one email me and I'll help you.

You're doing the right thing in asking for help. Don't give up until you get some. Good luck. Let us know how it works out.

Answer 4

Where is your mom? Would your dad's ex be willing to take you all in? She might be able to get foster care support if she is willing? What about Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents? Any of those in the picture? Are they aware of your situation? I really feel terrible for you and your siblings...
There is another way out... how are your grades? There are student loans and Grants that you can apply for and use to attend college. You will owe money, but you can live in the dorms for the majority of the year and maybe live at another relative's home and work during the summer.. The better paying job you will get at the end of your education will help pay off the loans in time... in the meanwhile you have earned yourself a better life while easing a bit more gently into adulthood.

Answer 5

As the daughter of a drunken father myself. I can understand I relate to many of the things you are talking about, having many happen to me as well. You learn to depend on your brothers and sisters as a form of protection. I wish I could tell you all the answers and tell you how to make it all go away. I am sorry but most of the time it doesn't go away and this is something you may have to deal with the rest of your life. I am 27 now and still trying to put the past in the past. I can only tell you this... be strong you will make it and the things you have to deal with now will make you a strong person. As far as having him put in jail. your right it solves nothing and causes even more pain in "all" ways. If you are of age you need to get away from him and take the younger ones with you. He will not see his wrongs until he is all alone and at rock bottom. As painful as that is to hear it is the truth. Be safe, and my thoughts and prayers are with you all!

Answer 6

GET OUT NOW!!! I also went through the very same situation. My father would scare me so bad that I would pee my pants right in front of him. And he did shoot and kill my animals, so I know exactly where you are coming from. You can not do anything for your father!! Your father has to do it for himself to get better. My suggestion to you is to put a plan together to get out of that house!!! Do you have any other family or friend to stay with? Call local safe houses, shelters, victims advocates, ect. They can help you . My heart and prayers are with you. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

properly, i think of the thought your mom basically have been given up in left is slightly fishy. For all you be responsive to he could have performed something to her. you do no longer deserve this scientific care and the longer you reside faraway from him the madder he gets. you may desire to tell your counselor at school. you may desire to even do an anoymous call to new child centers, that gets you in foster care till you have kinfolk you are able to stay with. have you ever no longer attempted conversing to any of your close family? perhaps they could help, you may desire to do something because of the fact those issues have inclinations to get a bargain worse. and you dont wanna bypass lacking besides. Dont be afraid to tell your boyfriend, he loves you and he could confuse your avoidance as no longer liking him and he could bypass away. you may desire to get out of there!

Answer 8

Spike all his drink with sleeping pills.
When he gets drunk he'll fall asleep.

Answer 9

have the drunk idiot put in jail!