Help! Girlfriend has gotten christian fanatical, and driving our great 5 year relationship apart?

Question

We have been dating since early highschool, and we are both christians. In fact, i am active in my church as part of the music ministry. About a month and a half ago, she started going to a church that has a service on a tuesday night. From that night on she has been in a state of constant change. She got into small groups there and also started attending a bible study, where she has made new friends etc... The problem here is not the change, it is how this change is slowly killing our relationship due to the fanatism (is that a word?). For the past month i dont think we have had one normal day where i have not had to monitor everything i say and do when i am around her, because i feel as if im about to be preached at. One of her friends from this study even said something about burning all of their secular music cds at a bonfire.Im not saying that living for God is wrong, but this is too much.will this last forever?She is non-emotional, the only kiss i get now is a peck! Help!!

Answer 1

This is the obvious path of Christianity. When one has an epiphany of the real-ness (or what they perceive as a realness) of the Bible and God/Jesus, there really is no option for them.

Someone like yourself, who perhaps, grew up in this environment and who has not yet had this epiphany, seems, to someone like your girlfriend, like a "luke-warm" Christian.

To her, you are just not ennlightened. This is death to a relationship, because girls, by nature (especially younger ones) need an element of excitement in a relationship - she is getting this from Jesus right now, but it won't be long before she is captured by a young man who is "on fire" for Jesus.

Brainwashing is an unpopular term with religious zealots, but, as a psychologist, I can assure you, she is exhibiting all the classic signs. Depending on her insecurities and her emotional strength, she could take this to a "critical point" in other words, she will align herself with the "strongest link" within her group. Right now, she has no independent thoughts and is exceptionally vulnerable to the suggestions of those whom she respects.

The positive aspects of this are that eventually, this fanaticism has a tendency to wear out because it is difficult to maintain the initial fervor of the 'epiphany.' Also, that she could very well become reckless with her ideals and do something so extreme that it will "JAR" her back to reality. She will be embarrassed, and maybe go the other extreme - as these types of personallities often do, and become a radical atheist. Either way, look out!

The best thing you can do is to counter her idealism with reason. There are several websites that have a good success-rate of bringing people back to their senses:

http://atheism.about.com/od/argumentsagainstgod/Arguments_Against_God_Atheological_Arguments_for_Atheism.htm

http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/mathew/arguments.html

http://www.infidels.org/new.html

http://www.secularhumanism.org/index.php?section=main&page=dangerous

http://www.positiveatheism.org/tocawclu.htm#CLUES

http://www.evangelicalright.com/

http://www.thebirdman.org/Index/Relig/Relig-Atheist.html

http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/kersey_graves/16/

http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/jury-rigged.html

http://www.atheists.org/faqs/atheism.html

http://www.rationalistinternational.net/

Good luck, my friend. I lost a girlfriend to religion too. It is very painful!

Answer 2

Hi Mark,
My wife and I are both Christians and we have two children that are Christians also. I really have to disagree with a couple of the answerers on here especially with the "jesus_is_" character. You and she need to sit down together and take a BIBLE to answer some basic questions. If she is able to tell you that you are wrong in an area then she should be able to give you a Book, chapter, and verse to show where you are wrong. If you are wrong in an area then you are as capable of changing as she was. I am certain that she has a few areas that she is wrong in and those areas she will also need to agree to change if she is proven wronmg by Book, chapter, and verse using Biblical References. I attend a church thaqt uses no instrumental music. I do not put down congregations that use it but I find no reference to using musical instruments in the New Testament Church. We are told to "SING". I would think that she is certainly worth your time to sit down and talk scripture with.Some of the people on this site need to get their thinking back to the REAL WORLD. Relationships between two Christians is a special thing and GOD will assist you in this if you pray for HIS assistance. I hope that this helps. Let me know how things work out and what "group" she is meeting with please. Have a great week!!
Thanks,
Eds

Answer 3

Wow I feel for you. Sit your gf down and tell her exactly how you feel and that you still feel close to your faith and still believe in it. Tell her that she is undergoing some radical changes and that they are putting immeasurable strain on the relationship and if it continues this way that things will most likely fall apart between the two of you. Then go on to tell her how much you care for her and that the thought of losing her is causing you grief and anxiety. The main thing is to let her know that you understand she is her own person and she can do what she wants but by becoming fanatical does she really think she will be that much closer to god or is she just trying to show off to everyone else that her belief in god is stronger by doing this. I suggest if this talk does not go well with her take yourself and her to a priest, minister or whoever you guys respect and can talk to that is in the church that can give you some councilling and sit down with them and maybe that can open her eyes and give you both some answers and help. tell your gf that she doesn't need to do all the things that she is doing to show that she believes in God... Its something between her and God not everyone else and her passing judgment on others doesn't make her a better person, she shouldn't pass judgment on anyone but herself. i think if your gf doesn't change and this continues to stress you out just leave her and find someone that can meet you half way no point in wasting your time if she isn't willing to include you in her life.
as a side note here she may have found her calling which is bringing her a higher spiritual gratification and if that is the case you either have to join her and hopefully see what she is seeing or move on.

Answer 4

YAHWEH is calling her for greater work....if you love her, support her, just as a husband would.

I can relate to her, for the past few years I have been down sizing myself, getting rid of stuff, etc. For to be in Him, one does not need riches anymore, for his glory is enough.

Instead of resisting it all....why not join her on these Tues nights? Why not be more part of what she is part of?

And she is following the book......for it is wrong to show lust or adultery prior to marriage....and you are not married. So more than a peck or a hug is about all you can get. The more she finds the true message, the more she will abide by that message.

Not being literal, but if Lucifer is holding you back some, for personal pleasures, then maybe let this soldier of YAHWEH to leave your presence so she can go about her mission.

Otherwise I would say read the book more and join her at her side, and be the leader of you two, for you are the man, the leader, as the book says.

Answer 5

there are people in all 'churches' who take things past the biblical limits of what God really wants... if she is just your girlfriend... that may be what some of the problems... if neither of you have made the total commitment to get married, then she may be having doubts about your relationship. as for burning movies/cd's .. that is rediculous and maninspired, not God... she has gone past the faith and become religious... there is balance in all things and she may need more prayer than anything else. search out what you truly desire in your relationship.. then once you know what you want, sit down and talk with her about it.... it may be the end or a new beginning... you never know how God will work things out!

†

Answer 6

pray for her, i had almost the exact situation.

my girlfriend and i (we did get back together after all this) broke up a 2 year relationship due to a new church her family got involved in. Even though im a Christian like her her new path and my own didnt cross, so she left me. Fortunatly she grew out of that situation and were doing better than ever, it took 3 years for her to come back to me and im happy to report were getting married. To me its worth the wait, and I think if your faith is strong enough and your love with her is real she will see what shes doing and come back.

God bless

Answer 7

I think that your girlfriend is growing spiritually and that is a GREAT thing! You need to be accepting of her change and encourage her and grow more in Christ yourself. God never meant for us to get saved and then remain in the same spot. Just as a child grows up - so should we, and that is what she is doing. You say that she is a fanatic as if that is a bad thing, I mean sure no one wants to be preached at allllll the time, but her new change demands that you respect her which is why you feel the need to watch what you say around her. My advice is to let her go if you can't deal with it because you don't want her have to answer..."him" If God has to ask her, you were running such a good race who hindred you?

Answer 8

Sounds similar to what happened to me. You can't do anything about it. matter of fact it will only get worse for you and she will probably wind up doing away with you because you two are now unequally yolked. you see, she has gotten ahold of God and God is changing her. She is discovering the truth. Hallelujah. The only thing I could possibly suggest to you is for you to GET RIGHT WITH GOD. If you see something wrong with what she is doing, but you call yourself a Christian, the problem is not her it is you. There is much, much more to God than what you know. God is a consuming FIRE. He will consumer her and refine her until there is no sin left in her. She has experienced the touch of the very hand of God, you are the one missing out. Sorry friend, there are only two things you can do. You can either cut her loose and live your life the way you are comfortable or you can join her and experience the fullness and truth of God for yourself. I strongly recommend the later of the two. Nothing in this world is worth not knowing God for who he is. I will pray for you right now.

Answer 9

What church is she going to? If she's going to some cult (church of christ?) or a legalistic church she has a problem, that might never get better. If she's going to a legitimate church and is just shooting for a higher level spiritually you may need to choose to either move up with her or watch this end. I believe there is such a thing as christians being unequally yoked with less serious christians....

Answer 10

tell her if she respects and loves you she shouldn't preach about how you live since you too are living for the same god she is, and that she should love you both physically and emotionally because it's tearing you apart. tell her how you feel, if she doesn't except it then obviously you have someone else waiting for you who will. sorry this is so upfront, but i have the same type of thing going on, in a way, and that's exactly what i need to do... but it's harder than it looks. good luck, i wish you the best of luck!

whether or not she is doing "the right thing" in HER life, you deserve to be with someone who will love and appreciate you no matter what and it doesn't seem like she is doing so..