He's been married twice before and both women have cheated on him with in the first year and a half of marrage. I'm not like that i have a history of long relationships the only real relationship i've been in lasted 7 years and we were young I love him with all my heart and would be the happiest girl in the world if he would marry me.
2007-03-05 05:59:07 · 10 answers · asked by Dezarae B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I'm not trying to trick him in to anything I love him and we have a great relationship we have been together for 2+ years and I take care of "his" two sons I want to add to our family we have discused this and I want to get married before we have another child. How can I get him to see i'm for real and I'm not going to cheat on him like his two prevoius wives I've got a hiasstory of long relationships my last relationship lasted 7 years I want this one to last forever other wise i would not want to get married i think it is a once in a life time kinda thind.
2007-03-05 06:38:02 · update #1
There are so many more important questions to ask than this one with regards to marriage; and "getting" someone to marry you isn't really your goal! That would be 'manipulation' on your part and 'conceeding' on his. I don't think you'd want a man to marry you b/c you were able to 'talk' him into it.
There is a better route. The approach of a friend. If you sincerely want to help him, plunging him into a serious rel'p with you isn't the way to do it. As a man, I can tell you he likes your presence, yor affection, your closeness and if you are giving a lot to him, you will just help him stay where he is anot move forward towards marriage. Ever heard of the statement, "Why pay for the cow when you get the milk for free"? A man in his situation won't move out unless he sees something ggreater than what he has. You will blur that in his mind if you get (and stay) too close to him.
If you back off and give him some space, don't be an easy mark, let him know you have gone as far as you safely can go in the relationship without sacrificing too much of your heart and getting too hurt, that will put the ball in his court. he'll have to make decisions. If he chooses to go with you...take it slow as he may just be saying words he doesn't mean only to keep you close and feel 'good' about your closeness. If he says, "I can't give you any more than i am giving you, I've been hurt in the past (blah-blah-blah--i want my mommy so forth speech) then be up front and say, "Well, it sounds like you can't be in a relationship with me then! i'll find someone else...probably soon!"
That will either tick him off and make him quit (good for you) or move him into a 'manipulative role' to seduce you (bad for you) or give you the distance you and he needs to see what is really authentic and worthwhile in your rel'p (good for both of you!)
--well, that's my thought for today...hope you get a good one b/c you sound like a winner! ;)
2007-03-05 06:17:01 · answer #1 · answered by KapnKaveman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will happen when the time is right,Don't rush into anything,all relationships must be built on Trust first and foremost,any underlying doubts will suface and will become larger issues after time.I have been married for 28 years,we were together for 4 years prior to marraige.Just take your time and be there for each other,nothing changes in a relationship overnite,and remember just because he is in no rush to get to the alter does not mean that he does not love you.
2007-03-05 06:10:58 · answer #2 · answered by Brenda 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why he is scared. This is hard to hear i am sure but dont rush him. It will only back fire, he will come around and if he doesnt then you need to make a decision if you want to deal with that or move on. Sometimes people will never let go of that hurt and betrayl and will never get over it. At that point you need to decide if you can live with him never> If you really want to get marrried and in time he still doesnt then maybe you need to cut your losses and move on. BUT NEVER EVER FORCE OR TRICK HIM INTO IT. it will only backfire on you and cause more hurt and pain for him.
2007-03-05 06:13:41 · answer #3 · answered by resqshanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U can't get him to marry you, he has to resolve this himself. he first needs to go to counseling or even you two can go together, so he'll be able to trust in you and the relationship. If he never begins to trust this relationship or you you'll be waiting for a long time!
2007-03-05 06:08:08 · answer #4 · answered by LU S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Keeping in line with that adage, I think your boyfriend may share President Bush's-feelings -- "Fool me once, shame on you. But fool me....I can't get fooled again!"
You should just focus on your relationship with yourself and with him and live in the moment of being the happiest girl in the world. Relationships take time to grow and require getting your hands dirty....trust takes time and is earned....love should be unconditional. When these things are being fed and nurtured and are allowed to follow their course naturally the stages of your lives will fall exactly where they need to be and when they should happen. But never feel like you can't let your man know where you stand in life. Eloquently (i.e. calm, cool, collected...yet genuinely) let him know that you hope to be married someday (to the right person....because that is broad and open and doesn't cramp him in) and respect, loyalty, honesty, and true love are necessary for that to happen. Be yourself, have fun and be true to your relationship with you and your boyfriend.
2007-03-05 06:57:47 · answer #5 · answered by RavenWillowSpeak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must wonder why the other 2 cheated. I think it is totally wrong to cheat on someone; however, most people that do this say it is because the spouse ignored them or something. Anyways, just explain to him how you feel. Tell him that you want him to make that commitment to you and that you want to make that commitment to him.
2007-03-05 06:08:50 · answer #6 · answered by goaliegirl87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you guys should go to couples therapy together....that is, if he's serious about you and would marry you if it weren't for his trust issues....
Don't push the issue, though. You can't MAKE someone marry you. Especially a guy with trust issues. If you push to hear, he could run....
2007-03-05 06:06:39 · answer #7 · answered by BlueEyezz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to realize he does not have a good track record and it is a scary thing. For some reason men feel like total failures when they get divorced. He may never want to do it again
2007-03-05 06:10:13 · answer #8 · answered by EmmaNicole 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. However, I agree with him. You shouldn't even be living together. He needs time and space. Move out, keep dating him if you want, but if you stop "playing" wifey, he might eventually want you to do it for real!
2007-03-05 09:36:22 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't get him to do something like that. He needs time and maybe therapy for trust issues.
2007-03-05 06:17:06 · answer #10 · answered by Question Addict 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋