How to politely ask for money owed to you from your bridesmaid?

Question

My wedding was 6 months ago. The bridesmaid dresses were purchased last February (7 months before the wedding). One of my bridesmaids was having a hard time paying for the dress at the time I felt it needed to be ordered. I told her that I would order the dress and all I asked of her was that she was paid off by the wedding. As I said, the wedding was six months ago, and I still haven't seen a dime of it. I don't see her that often anymore since I've recently gone back to school, but I know she hasn't forgotten about owing me, since she's mentioned it a few times in passing. What I'm concerned about, is that although she's brought it up to me, she still hasn't given me an idea of when or how she'll pay me back. I know her financial situation is going ok - but I don't know how to bring it up without making her or myself feel uncomfortable. I can't go shopping with her one more time and watch her drop gobs of cash - it's really starting to feel like a slap in the face.

We picked the dress out together and yes, with some altering, she felt she'd wear the dress again. It was $125 (which is realtively inexpensive for bridesmaid dresses now-adays). And since I decided to order the dress on-line, I paid for the shipping.

Answer 1

Start out by telling her... It makes me very uncomfortable to ask you this, and I'm sorry I have to bring this up. Is there any way you could start making some sort of payments on the dress I pre-paid for you for the wedding?

Good luck

Answer 2

You know what, I don't understand why the loaner feels bad for asking for their money back? I had a situation like that. This girl asked me for some money and I wasn't even that tight with her but we were co workers. And I gave her an extra 20 because she claimed that i lost her id at the club but she found it and didn't give me my bread back. I felt like a damn bill collector trying to get my money back from her. And then we ended up living in the same complex, and one day I went over there and she had her couch put up to the door talking about she was hiding from the landlord to pay rent, I'm like whatever where's the bread. She paid me some of it, but not all of it. And it was a damn shame because it was some months down the line and she was dodging me on top of that. But if you go shopping with her, just to test her, add you a few items onto hers, and tell her, oh, remember this is for the bridesmaid dress I bought YOU, and politely smile. What is she gonna say no? She might put the stuff back, but you need to tell her like look, I don't want to be a hound, but I need the money that I lended to you for the dress at my wedding, and if you don't have it you just don't. But if you're gonna go on shopping sprees you have enough to pay me back, and if you're a real friend you wouldn't dodge the issue. And it's messed up to lose a friend or an associate over money. that's how me and old girl was, we didn't talk to much after that. I wasn't gonna deal with no one that was gonna be that stupid actin over something that she owed and PROMISED to pay back. And I think she's wrong for doing what she's doing. But I guarantee you, karma will bite her in the *** if she doesn't do right because something will happen where she might be down and out and might need your help and then you won't be wrong if you say no. But if she gets defensive about it, then she may not have any intentions of paying it back...
So just ask her about it, and if she's actin all funny tell her, that's okay, don't worry about it, because money comes and goes, and it will come back to you one way or another.

Answer 3

This may not be what u want to hear. im sure you want to hear how to get your money--BUT
I feel YOU asked her to be in YOUR wedding. You stated you knew she was having a hard time paying for dress, financial difficulty, but went on w/ ordering it. The time is past now, but maybe you could have given her & out. If she was having soem financial problems, or this was too much for her that time in life, you would loved to have had her in your wedding, but expressed that you understood for her to say no thank you. Again it is too late now, but you did ask her, she was kind enough to accept. It is a great gesture for you to ask, but also for her to accept. I think you should be grateful for her spending that special day w/ you & just forget about what owed. Hopefully your wedding day & your bridesmaids made it such a special day for you, you cant put a price on it. The point is she didnt have the $, but you bought the dress anyways. You were married 6 months ago, bought dress over a year ago. Life has gone on, let it go.

Answer 4

I don't think there's any way to do it without feeling uncomfortable. Don't ambush her. Meet up with her and bring it straight up. I don't know how much it was but ask her if she wants to set up some kind of payment plan or if she knows when she will pay you back. Try not to sound judgemental; just because you see her shopping, it doesn't mean you know exactly what her financial status is.

The alternative is to just let it go. Some people get weird about borrowed money. Is her friendship worth the amount you leant her? Do you really need the money?

Answer 5

Since you feel uncomfortable with this maybe you should wait until she brings it up in passing again. When she does, nail her down on the particulars then. If she says something like"I know I still have to get you that money for the dress" Respond with "There is an ATM at the bank across the street" or "Well we are going out to dinner this friday you can bring it then"

That way you avoid the conflict. I'd bet dollar to doughnuts that when she is bringing it up in passing you are being very nonchalant about it, telling her something to the effect of "oh I know you'll get it to me soon" or 'just get it to me when you can"....I say that because you seem to be one that avoids confrontation and you don't want to feel akward.

Answer 6

I have the same problem... married 4 months ago and still haven't seen a dime. We agreed she would pay $100 and I would pay the rest. She has not mentioned it since the wedding... and I have't figured out how to bring it up. I don't talk to her very much anymore...

Answer 7

Maybe you could say that you and the hubby are finding married life to be quite expensive (talk about this for a lil' bit-just make stuff up or something); then, just ask her if she will be able to pay you back anytime soon. Try to make it out to be your fault in some way. I know this might seem weird, but it will make it less uncomfortable. ---if you really don't want to say it in person, then email her what I said...just make sure you ask for suggestions and then say oh and by the way, do you have the money to pay me back

Answer 8

Are you starving? Do you have clothes on your back? Just drop it. Retain your friendship with her and forget about it. It was your wedding. Just consider it part of the cost of the wedding. Maybe she thought that it was too much to spend on a dress and was afraid to tell you.
Just don't lend her anymore money.
Don't lose a friend over money that you aren't missing.

Answer 9

I hear ya! I'm getting married in 2 months and I have paid for stuff in the same manner. You should just come out and ask. If you think it will mess up your friendship then maybe she was not that good of a friend????

Answer 10

tell her your car broke down and you really need the money to fix it, or that you need extra tuition money for school! or just come out and ask "do you know when you will be able to pay me back for the dress?, you can pay it all at once or if you need to pay a little at a time, that's cool, I just don't like money hanging over our heads!' ..... just a suggestion. money is always ackward.. good luck!!